How do I do this right so I don't lose him

[Anwa6620]

I have had really bad luck with relationships in the past. We always move too fast, I get too excited and I think I suffocate the person. I have recently met someone who happens to be on my ex's football team, but that's irrelevant. He is everything I want. We have fun together, he's silly and easy to get along with. We have hung out twice, he goes to school about two hours south of me and he's my age. His college is strict and difficult so I know he is busy, he introduced me to his friends over the weekend which I feel like is a big deal and they told me he really likes me. The next day he was really short texting me, nothing super unusual just weird. He usually texts me goodnight and didn't say anything the night after we hung out. We haven't had sex or anything, I'm making him wait. But we have great chemistry and I think about him a lot now. I just need advice on what to do from here to ensure that this lasts. I always ruin a good thing and I wanted to be sure I get this one right.

Thank you all

Also he's not a very serious guy and made that clear. He's light hearted and just easy going. He said I was pretty many times and that he felt like a lucky guy to spend time with me but nothing about how he likes me or anything.

[Wiseman2]

Whoa, slow down you've see each other 2x. You can't ensure it lasts. "Making him wait" won't do a thing. Either he's into you or he's not. However try to slow way down with the texting, clinging, etc.

 

By the way, he may be dating girls at his school. He also told you upfront he doesn't want anything serious, so just relax and date casually and don't think of this as long term.

We have hung out twice, he goes to school about two hours south of me and he's my age. We haven't had sex or anything, I'm making him wait. I just need advice on what to do from here to ensure that this lasts. Also he's not a very serious guy and made that clear.

[katrina1980]

 

We haven't had sex or anything, I'm making him wait.

 

I agree with Wiseman, but can you explain your thought process behind "making him wait?"

 

If you're not ready or not comfortable having sex yet, that's okay it's only been two dates, but intentionally making him wait, sounds very manipulative imho!

 

As Wiseman said, chill out and relax, don't overthink and for the love of all things beautiful, no matter how anxious you get, try and find ways to manage that other than suffocating the guy.

[reinventmyself]

He is everything I want.

 

Let's start with this. This mind frame is what will get you into trouble.

You don't know him therefore he may not be who you imagine he is.

The fact that he's two hours away is already a strike against him.

 

Great - you had a good time. Try to compartmentalize it and get on with your life.

Try dating others in meantime. Try to manage your expectations of someone you don't really know.

If he comes around then you'll be pleasantly surprised.

 

Also he's not a very serious guy and made that clear.

[ParisPaulette]

Look what I'm going to say here will sound harsh, it may even hurt your feelings, and I hope though that one day a light bulb might just go on that gives you a way out of this mess. Because out of everything you wrote here this one little statement is the crux of your problem: "He is everything I want."

 

To me this says you have no other goal or ambition in life than fulfilling a script given to you by Hollywood and every retailer out there that you only matter in regards to what love interest will "complete you." You are getting way over-invested and clingy with people, because you have nothing else going on in your life, no other ambitions, and don't realize some guy you just met can't and shouldn't be "everything you want." Nor should they be giving you "everything" of any shape, sort, form or even at all.

 

The fact is you barely know this guy at this point. You already know you are over-investing in people too fast, so what you really should be doing at this point is not dating, but going out and getting some accomplishments under your belt that are for you only. That means you take up activities you like, you expand your knowledge, you travel or you work or you go to school, you boost your self-confidence and you put together a life where you are happy regardless of who or what is in it. And then you won't be so frantic about dating and how it just has to work with some guy you only met.

 

I guess what I would tell you is pretty much what Lilly Singh says in this video: "Five mistakes we make in relationships."

 

It's humorous, but at the same time she speaks nothing but the truth. Watch it and see if that helps, but slow down and take some deep breaths. This guy has already picked up that you're over-investing or he wouldn't have felt the need to talk about how he's not a serious guy - code for, "Chill, man. We just met and I want to relax and have fun, not run off and get married when we barely know each other."

 

The way you don't get clingy is first you need to stop it with the whole "He is everything I want" thinking. Instead tell yourself, "That was fun, I'd like to get to know this guy better and see if it goes anywhere." Then you deliberately put down your phone and log off and go out into the world and do something fun without him. And if he calls you again for a date, great. And if he doesn't it's his loss and you both know it, because you have other things that you want besides just one person's attention.

 

I know this isn't probably the advice you wanted. But I am telling you as someone who has run the gamut from clingy to icing everyone out, your best bet for happiness and good relationships is to not overinvest in any one person or thing, but to have a well-rounded existence with all of them. Like the video talks about, there is the truth. You have to ask yourself if you feel you need someone else to be happy, why can't you make yourself happy?

[Pretzel]

Look what I'm going to say here will sound harsh, it may even hurt your feelings, and I hope though that one day a light bulb might just go on that gives you a way out of this mess. Because out of everything you wrote here this one little statement is the crux of your problem: "He is everything I want."

 

To me this says you have no other goal or ambition in life than fulfilling a script given to you by Hollywood and every retailer out there that you only matter in regards to what love interest will "complete you." You are getting way over-invested and clingy with people, because you have nothing else going on in your life, no other ambitions, and don't realize some guy you just met can't and shouldn't be "everything you want." Nor should they be giving you "everything" of any shape, sort, form or even at all.

 

The fact is you barely know this guy at this point. You already know you are over-investing in people too fast, so what you really should be doing at this point is not dating, but going out and getting some accomplishments under your belt that are for you only. That means you take up activities you like, you expand your knowledge, you travel or you work or you go to school, you boost your self-confidence and you put together a life where you are happy regardless of who or what is in it. And then you won't be so frantic about dating and how it just has to work with some guy you only met.

 

I guess what I would tell you is pretty much what Lilly Singh says in this video: "Five mistakes we make in relationships."

 

It's humorous, but at the same time she speaks nothing but the truth. Watch it and see if that helps, but slow down and take some deep breaths. This guy has already picked up that you're over-investing or he wouldn't have felt the need to talk about how he's not a serious guy - code for, "Chill, man. We just met and I want to relax and have fun, not run off and get married when we barely know each other."

 

The way you don't get clingy is first you need to stop it with the whole "He is everything I want" thinking. Instead tell yourself, "That was fun, I'd like to get to know this guy better and see if it goes anywhere." Then you deliberately put down your phone and log off and go out into the world and do something fun without him. And if he calls you again for a date, great. And if he doesn't it's his loss and you both know it, because you have other things that you want besides just one person's attention.

 

I know this isn't probably the advice you wanted. But I am telling you as someone who has run the gamut from clingy to icing everyone out, your best bet for happiness and good relationships is to not overinvest in any one person or thing, but to have a well-rounded existence with all of them. Like the video talks about, there is the truth. You have to ask yourself if you feel you need someone else to be happy, why can't you make yourself happy?

 

Great advice. I couldn't put it any better.

 

Remember that the point of dating is not to meet an end - that should be a mere potential side effect.

 

The point of dating should be to explore and learn and have fun. Whatever else happens has to develop naturally, not by you locking it down because you don't want to be worried about the future and want to make sure you pin one down sooner rather than later. This is the wrong way to think! Just chill and have a good time.

[Billie28]

How to do this right so you don't lose him????

Lose who? You don't know him. You have already set yourself up for disappointment as you "know" he is so busy.

 

The issue with you is your self worth! You have decided after seeing him twice that he is worth holding onto. And that it's entirely up to you to make something out of this. Because you have placed him higher than you.

 

You need to stop contacting him so much, stop focusing on him so much because you will become someone he absolutely does not want to spend time with (which for him is only casual anyway)

 

Turn your focus on you. Spend more time on hobbies and friends than you have been of late. Be interesting not interested.