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rohitmum

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Dear Frndz,

 

Kindly help me in making my mind clear which is at present too clumsy.

 

Short Intro - Me and my girlfriend are in relationship for the past 2 years (almost). We started as good colleagues, friends, and then fell into relationship within 2 months (a quick time though) and we had good relationship going on. Since her dad is against my wish of marrying her , he has stopped her from working and she was almost house arrested, but still had the previlage to come out with me once a month for a whole day. We enjoyed/gone through this monthly once meeting and daily night late chats and calls for almost a year. Then she joined a company since her parents wanted her to go to job, thinking that we are not in touch and she joined a new company. In fact the role that she joined was referred by my collage mate; the position of his has been taken over by her and he left to a different company. Soon after she joined the new company which is in a tech park, she started shoing difference in her behaviour and dressing, appearance. Her frequent contact with me from 3 to 4 hours phone call for a day to 5 mins talk per day within 2 months and when I started asking she said that her task is too hectic and that she is finding time to manage. Soon after that I asked my friend to check if she is having any troubles over there but he came with an interesting answer. She is very close to a guy and they roam arnd the campus during break time together (but he is 1 yr younger to her) I asked her directly instead of spying but she fought with me and told to break the relation as I am doubting her. I pleaded her to the core and begged her that I will not be doubting her again, but she abruptly blocked me everywhere. I was unable to contact her further more and almost alone for a month.

 

All of a sudden I got a call from her and said she is missing me and she wanted to patch up with me again. I was so glad and without any second thought, we got reunited. But she was not my same old gal. She was again had very less conversation even though she was online in watsapp till 12,1 AM apprx everyday. I seriously started doubting her and then with the help of few evidences, I just gave fluke try saying that I hacked her conversation with that guy what and all she had and scolded her, how can you ditch me even after we got united and also blackmailed that I would circulate the conversation to your entire office with the help of my friend. She got frightened and said Please dont do. I accept my mistake. I lost my mind when we broke Up. I luv u so much bla bla bla... I was still not able to hate her though angry on her and told her very clearly that she has either resign the job or she has to completely stop talking to that guy. She said "No I cannot, coz he is my trainer and we are too good friends. We just lost track in last few days and he was with me during my bad times when you were fighting with me". I told her that I cannot continue with her anymore with this kind of her behavior. But she promised me that she will never have any such kinda conversation with him again and that she loves me a lot and cannot live without me. I also saw her and that guy staying online till 1 AM twice which I asked and she said it is jus a friendly convo.

 

Kindly advice as what should I do and I am in dilemma if I am seriously mistaking her or is she cheating on me. What is her intention? She could have moved away even after I said we can break up. I am not that good looking though but earning a decent salary to lead a better life.

Truly speaking I love her to the core and she does the same coz I know her the way she was when she was very true to me. I guess only this office environment has spoiled her mood.

 

PS - She had two relationship prior to me which she knows am aware of.

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You can't stay based on what the relationship used to be. She doesn't meet your needs. The relationship has run its course. She's talking the talk to try to cling onto something she's grown accustomed to, but she can't walk the walk. When a relationship is frustrating and upsetting more than it's satisfying, it's not the right one for you. Move on.

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Do you mind me asking where you are from? Obviously it's a strict traditional culture? Look I think if you come from a strict culture where parents decide who their daughter can marry and your girlfriend will obey her parents, unfortunately I don't think this relationship is going to work out. I mean it's obvious that she will respect her father's wishes because she left the job where she worked with you and she was only dating you in secret, all because of her father. I think deep down she probably realised there is no point in continuing your relationship and besides she didn't see you much in person but she sees this guy at work in person every day. I would say if her family don't let you be together and she listens to them then it's best for you to break up and find a woman where the family do approve of you. I always find it hard to give advice to these kinds of situations here as I'm a Westerner living in Australia and the culture here is so different that it's hard to relate....

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Why don't her parents like you? Are you from a different religion/culture?

 

Lying, manipulating and blackmailing is abusive. You sound controlling and jealous and possessive. Stop harassing her and move on. Pull your self esteem and self respect together and stop threatening, manipulating and abusing women..

her dad is against my wish of marrying her. also blackmailed that I would circulate the conversation to your entire office with the help of my friend. She got frightened. I told her that I cannot continue with her anymore with this kind of her behavior.
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You cannot force this relationship any longer. You want it to go back to the way it was but it is no longer that way. She has a different life and priorities. I know you both love each other, but you also say her family do not like you? How do you hope to progress this relationship when you are both struggling to communicate in a way that keeps you both satisfied? It sounds like it has had its time unfortunately. And bullying and threatening her with an ultimatum is not right. Do not do that.

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You cannot force this relationship any longer. You want it to go back to the way it was but it is no longer that way. She has a different life and priorities. I know you both love each other, but you also say her family do not like you? How do you hope to progress this relationship when you are both struggling to communicate in a way that keeps you both satisfied? It sounds like it has had its time unfortunately. And bullying and threatening her with an ultimatum is not right. Do not do that.

 

But why is she not allowing me to move on... I also told her please leave me and be happy with your current relationship.. but she is not leaving me... I blocked her everywhere and she keeps calling ma parents and friends to get in touch with me. Since I still have a soft corner for her, I am unable to be peaceful... even though I stopped responding to almost 2 weeks.

 

to make it crisp - She wants to be with me at the same time, she doesnt want to leave her colleague..

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