Lovelorn2016 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 It all started off while we were working together. We'd talk, and joke around and slowly over the course of a couple years, began to be interestrd in each other. She was the one who came to me originally and expressed her interest in me. I didn't get back to her right away about how i felt, but finally I did express I felt the same way. Then we were real close for a few weeks, talking, doing things outside of work, etc. Then suddenly, she got cold for the first time. I couldn't understand it, and it stung.. But, I still continued initiating coneverstations at night, sending funny pictures, etc. Some days we'd have a good conversation, other days she was cold. At work though, we still talked and joked around like always. Slowly, we started to get close again, hanging out again, and she quickly mixed it in one day saying that she liked me, and I could sense that. So then, a few days after doing something one night, and after me asking her about doing something else in the near future, she became cold again, never got back to me about the plans, and just started completely blowing off my texts, etc, even questions.. That stung again, I tried my best to bottle it up, but without even saying anything about it, i think i made it obvious. This time though, I decided to just leave her alone and give her space, and hope she comes back on her own. We had been in contact every day in some form for over four months, and that ended during this time. During this, she was even cold at work, preferring to talk to others, whom she'd often complain about during some of our conversations. Finally about a month ago, I decided to finally give up that job, since it's only a part time second job. We still weren't really talking much at that point, and i didn't tell her when I put my notice in, she had to hear it from someone else. She was a little upset that i didnt say anything, and after we talked it about, everything was good, and she started to come back around again. This is when this current hot/cold cycle started. For a couple days it is like we are best friends, texting a good conversation, snapchating back and forth, or just hanging out and having a good visit and talk. Then, for like the next three/four days, she suddenly becomes cold, stops replying to messages or snapchats. When she stops replying I just wait till she replies again, weather it was hours or days, unlike before where I was always searching for a reason to initiate a conversation with her. A couple days after my last day at work, I sent her a quick message saying it was good working with her, and I'd miss her. Then I said I still felt that certain kind of way about her, but hoped we could still be good friends. She replied later that we'd always be good friends. Not sure if that was really a good idea, but at the time it seemed like the thing to do. I told myself I'll leave her alone after this, and my guesstimate was that I wouldn't really hear from her much anymore after this, since we wouldn't be working together anymore. I thought I was starting to let her go and move on. I was surprised that she actually was still coming around. She started finding reasons or excuses for me to stop by the old job, and of course i would. I'd stay for a bit and talk and visit, and we even did something outside of the workplace again. But mixed in with these events are the hot and cold cycles. We'll be having these good conversations for a couple days, the kind of good conversations we were having back when we were getting close months ago. And then all of the sudden she stops replying, and i won't hear back from her for 3-4 days. I said I thought I was starting to let go and move on, but I still get this rush of excitement when we're conversing well, then feel a sting when she goes silent. Maybe I'm probably overthinking, but I'm kinda like that. I maybe just getting crumbs, but i think i view them as a loaf, its challenging to pull away from this way of thinking. I tell myself just relax and just let nature take its course, but it's easier said than done. I'm not sure what this all translates into. I mean, if she didn't want anything to do with me, she would have cut me off after I left the job. We've never argued or fought or anything like that. She stopped replying yesterday morning before work. Last night she has a Facebook post of a picture with a quote that said "never get attached to anyone because they leave eventually". Of course, I naturally think it's about me, maybe it is maybe it isn't I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Sorry to hear this. Does she have a bf or is she dating others or is there a recent ex/breakup? It sounds like a holding pattern to keep you at a certain distance and no closer. Unfortunately more or less in the friendzone.Then I said I still felt that certain kind of way about her, but hoped we could still be good friends. She replied later that we'd always be good friends. She started finding reasons or excuses for me to stop by the old job, and of course i would. But mixed in with these events are the hot and cold cycles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovelorn2016 Posted January 25, 2017 Author Share Posted January 25, 2017 No, not with anyone. Still keeps in touch on and off with the father of her son, which she always said she still kind of hasn't gotten over fully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 It seems to me that you both have different agendas You appear to want more from her and she is possibly just trying to maintain a friendship only. If she senses you moving in, she distances herself to keep things in check. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evad1 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 It all started off while we were working together. We'd talk, and joke around and slowly over the course of a couple years, began to be interestrd in each other. She was the one who came to me originally and expressed her interest in me. I didn't get back to her right away about how i felt, but finally I did express I felt the same way. Then we were real close for a few weeks, talking, doing things outside of work, etc. Then suddenly, she got cold for the first time. I couldn't understand it, and it stung.. But, I still continued initiating coneverstations at night, sending funny pictures, etc. Some days we'd have a good conversation, other days she was cold. At work though, we still talked and joked around like always. Slowly, we started to get close again, hanging out again, and she quickly mixed it in one day saying that she liked me, and I could sense that. So then, a few days after doing something one night, and after me asking her about doing something else in the near future, she became cold again, never got back to me about the plans, and just started completely blowing off my texts, etc, even questions.. That stung again, I tried my best to bottle it up, but without even saying anything about it, i think i made it obvious. This time though, I decided to just leave her alone and give her space, and hope she comes back on her own. We had been in contact every day in some form for over four months, and that ended during this time. During this, she was even cold at work, preferring to talk to others, whom she'd often complain about during some of our conversations. Finally about a month ago, I decided to finally give up that job, since it's only a part time second job. We still weren't really talking much at that point, and i didn't tell her when I put my notice in, she had to hear it from someone else. She was a little upset that i didnt say anything, and after we talked it about, everything was good, and she started to come back around again. This is when this current hot/cold cycle started. For a couple days it is like we are best friends, texting a good conversation, snapchating back and forth, or just hanging out and having a good visit and talk. Then, for like the next three/four days, she suddenly becomes cold, stops replying to messages or snapchats. When she stops replying I just wait till she replies again, weather it was hours or days, unlike before where I was always searching for a reason to initiate a conversation with her. A couple days after my last day at work, I sent her a quick message saying it was good working with her, and I'd miss her. Then I said I still felt that certain kind of way about her, but hoped we could still be good friends. She replied later that we'd always be good friends. Not sure if that was really a good idea, but at the time it seemed like the thing to do. I told myself I'll leave her alone after this, and my guesstimate was that I wouldn't really hear from her much anymore after this, since we wouldn't be working together anymore. I thought I was starting to let her go and move on. I was surprised that she actually was still coming around. She started finding reasons or excuses for me to stop by the old job, and of course i would. I'd stay for a bit and talk and visit, and we even did something outside of the workplace again. But mixed in with these events are the hot and cold cycles. We'll be having these good conversations for a couple days, the kind of good conversations we were having back when we were getting close months ago. And then all of the sudden she stops replying, and i won't hear back from her for 3-4 days. I said I thought I was starting to let go and move on, but I still get this rush of excitement when we're conversing well, then feel a sting when she goes silent. Maybe I'm probably overthinking, but I'm kinda like that. I maybe just getting crumbs, but i think i view them as a loaf, its challenging to pull away from this way of thinking. I tell myself just relax and just let nature take its course, but it's easier said than done. I'm not sure what this all translates into. I mean, if she didn't want anything to do with me, she would have cut me off after I left the job. We've never argued or fought or anything like that. She stopped replying yesterday morning before work. Last night she has a Facebook post of a picture with a quote that said "never get attached to anyone because they leave eventually". Of course, I naturally think it's about me, maybe it is maybe it isn't I don't know. Ouch I'm sorry to here that. She could be damaged or she could be friend zoning you but I'm pretty sure I would not recommend pursuing her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Definitely sounds like she's blowing hot and cold. She could be doing this for all kinds of reasons. Maybe she likes you, but is afraid to let her guard down completely. Maybe she only likes you as a friend and is worried about leading you on. Maybe she doesn't realize she's blowing hot and cold and is waiting for you to make the first move. Who knows. The only way to find out is by being straight up with her and telling her how you feel. Of course this is a risk because who knows how she'll respond. Something tells me that she's afraid of being hurt; hence the hot and cold. Buuuut, I could be way off base. If this is the case, the last thing you want is to be with someone who is emotionally unavailable; unless you're willing to be with someone who blows hot and cold throughout the relationship. Makes me tired just thinking about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovelorn2016 Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 The only way to find out is by being straight up with her and telling her how you feel. Of course this is a risk because who knows how she'll respond. See the thing of it is, I did say something about a month ago after I left the job. All she responded with is that we'll always be good friends. The other scenerios yout mentioned are pretty much what I've been trying to figure out, which one is what's actually going on.. I guess am i doing the right thing by just not saying anything until she responds to my previous message? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evad1 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 See the thing of it is, I did say something about a month ago after I left the job. All she responded with is that we'll always be good friends. The other scenerios yout mentioned are pretty much what I've been trying to figure out, which one is what's actually going on.. I guess am i doing the right thing by just not saying anything until she responds to my previous message? Ignore her. Girls love an . Show her you got other things to do. I mean that sounds like she's toying with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 See the thing of it is, I did say something about a month ago after I left the job. All she responded with is that we'll always be good friends. The other scenerios yout mentioned are pretty much what I've been trying to figure out, which one is what's actually going on.. I guess am i doing the right thing by just not saying anything until she responds to my previous message? I wouldn't pursue things then. She's playing games. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovelorn2016 Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 Ignore her. Girls love an . Show her you got other things to do. I mean that sounds like she's toying with you. I've been trying. I don't reply unless she replies to my last message. But if she's just ******* with me, why does she keep coming back around? I mean we don't work together anymore, so there's really no reason to be nice to me.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Because that's what the friendzone is all about.But if she's just ******* with me, why does she keep coming back around? I mean we don't work together anymore, so there's really no reason to be nice to me.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovelorn2016 Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 I wouldn't pursue things then. She's playing games. I just don't know the rules of the game. What's makes me wonder, is when we first started talking, she asked what my biggest pet peeve was about the opposite sex, and I said the games they play.. maybe she's just doing good this to try to piss me off, and be the one who walked away? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovelorn2016 Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 Because that's what the friendzone is all about. Yeah, you're probably right. Just making crumbs into loaves.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evad1 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Yeah, you're probably right. Just making crumbs into loaves.. Honestly she probably likes the attention. From your post we can tell she probably has a bad taste in guys. If she was really your friend she'd be honest about what's going on here. She's just thinking about her self. I would not even reply to her messages. Don't let this get you down keep trucking along and continue to grow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovelorn2016 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Share Posted January 27, 2017 Honestly she probably likes the attention. From your post we can tell she probably has a bad taste in guys. If she was really your friend she'd be honest about what's going on here. She's just thinking about her self. I would not even reply to her messages. Don't let this get you down keep trucking along and continue to grow. I don't think I'm ready to just excuse her completely. I just wish i could relax and not take things to heart as much.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evad1 Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 I don't think I'm ready to just excuse her completely. I just wish i could relax and not take things to heart as much.. I understand nothing wrong with that. just don't go jumping through hoops for anymore. Proceed with caution! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovelorn2016 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Share Posted January 27, 2017 I understand nothing wrong with that. just don't go jumping through hoops for anymore. Proceed with caution! Oh i know.. it's easier said than done though. Just when I think I'm moving on, some thing seems to change that. I went into the old job today, i had to drop off some stuff from my work, plus stuff from a couple friends and some stuff from myself. The boss was there, so we didn't really talk much. I have to go back again sometime to pick up my w2. So yeah.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 Are you two in an exclusive relationship? Dating? If it's neither of those things, then I don't feel she is obligated to respond to you within a certain time frame. If you two are friends, friends don't always respond immediately. Sometimes my best friends and I don't reply to one another until a couple of days have passed. We don't get upset or think there's game playing going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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