Was it good??

[greenie35]

My boyfriend and I recently split up. I feel a lot of sadness and loneliness right now but it's not soo much becasue I miss him. I mean I can remember good things about our relationship but it seems like they were so long ago. We were together for 3 years and I'm starting to wonder why? I can't remember in the last year and a half being all that happy to be with him. How could I be so out of touch with my feelings as to let so much time pass by being unhappy? Perhaps I was just comfortable, we lived together for most of the time we were together. He never really went out of his way to show me affection. I think I almost felt obligated to take care of him, like i was his mother or something. I keep reading all these posts about people breaking up and missing their ex and concentrating on all the beautiful things about them, but in the last 2 weeks i have not been able to think of him in a positive light. I try, but I just can't. Anyone else out there feel or have felt the way I do. I feel bad for not feeling like I lost something wonderful, when after 3 years you would think something about it should have been ...right?

[keefy1972]

I would assume from your post that you are the dumper??...NO??

[greenie35]

ehhh...it's hard to say really..I mean he actually made it official, but we had both toyed with the notion for some time. We both acknowledged the problems we were having. I tried to hang on. We moved away together and we are in a completely new area and I don't know many people so I think the main reason I wanted to hang on to him was becasue I was afraid of being alone. I'm finding that much easier now. I'm really busy for the most part.

[keefy1972]

Well that is terrific. Sounds as if you made the right move by breaking up and you aren't feeling bad about it. I would think that means it was definitely the right thing to do! Instead of wondering why you aren't miserable, be glad you aren't and go out and celebrate your freedom!

[greenie35]

yeah mainly I just resent him...he has friends down here and I don't. He moved out and stuck me with the rent at this house(im moving) and his cats. He parties...drinks..etc..etc...probably womanizes...whatever. I just resent him. I did so much for him over the years...ahhhfoooey...

[keefy1972]

Down here?? where is down here? I am in Florida. Anyways, friends is something you will make in time. Unless you are a hermit and don't enjoy getting out much. Resentment will only have a negative impact on you emotionally. Resent?? Nah, start rejoicing, you have the great opportunity to make your life an adventure. Get out there and start meeting people. It's time you find a guy who wants to do for you for a change. We know you deserve that.

[greenie35]

Southern Illinois as opposed to Northern Illinois where I'm from. Yeah you're right...I'm looking fowared to the summer. i'm moving into a smaller place next month. It's a lot cheaper and closer to school. My ex will have gone home for the summer so I won't have to worry about running into him down here. I'm thinking positive...

[keefy1972]

Good job. All things good. "Harness good. Block out bad. It's like a carousel, it goes around and up and down. All Good things." "Doing the bull dance, feeling the flow. Feeling it. Feeling it".

[Celadon]

I know how you feel, Greenie. I can't remember much good about my ex either. It's like 98 percent bad memories and 2 percent good. Just like low-fat milk - LOL!

[HeavenLee]

Don't feel bad. The happiest times were probably all at the beginning. You may not remember any good times lately because maybe they weren't so bad, but they were nothing to write home about either. They pretty much just "went". It's what happens when you are in your comfort zone. You allow things to just pass you by because you don't want to upset the apple cart. Also, the resentments that you are carrying may also contribute to why you can not have fond memories of your more recent times. I would think that it's all completely normal.

[temperamental_taurus]

Greenie - I sure do feel the way you do, yet we still live together... he doesn't show much affection either, not for anyone. I'm not sure what the answer is for me cause I'm kinda stuck and he didn't move out this weekend (if he had this would have been much easier). He's completely selfish and wallowing in his own sity pity, I believe. There's no hope for him without serious loss of something he cherishes in his life (which I'm not even sure what'd that would be besides his beer at the moment) and counseling on his part. I'm so detached at this moment, but can't truly find any closure. All I have to say though is the pain you are feeling is your heart mending. Let yourself feel all of it and grow from your pain. Always remember that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and that someday you'll look back on this and realize that you had to experience this to find your way... it'll all get better, I promise... just take it day by day!

[greenie35]

Yahh...when I think of our life together it goes a little something like this...

 

 

"Why were you talking to him...Do you bend over like that at work...Have you talked to him online...You're a flirt that's why he asked you out....I don't trust you..." The guy could be 80 years old and have three teeth...but if I was talking to him I must have been flirting...right

 

3 years...2 of which he had no license (see below)...I gave him 500 dollars to get his license back...buys a beater...car dies...has no car...continues to rely on me for transportation...that's cool...whatever...

 

"...I'm upset...I'm gonna get some beer...I'm happy...let's celebrate and have some beers...I'm tired...oh well let's have some beers..."his typical train of logic

 

So we move away together...BIG MISTAKE...

 

The trust issues invariably end! Many many girls...young...pretty...

...I BECOME jealous...never been a jealous person my whole life...if they can't trust you how the hell can you trust them...still more beer...

 

"I'm not an alcoholic, I just deal with things in my own way." --is that classic or what??

 

Bars...new friends...neglect...neglect...laziness..neglect...drunkeness...broken door...drives my car...has no car of his own...parties..fighting fighting..more fighting...moves out..owes me 500 dollars and half the rent for the past two months....AND THEY BOTH LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER THE END.

[greenie35]

Hey Temperemental Taurus...I just read your post and I was gonna reply that your situation sounds a lot like mine...I mean the not taking responisiblity for household stuff--drinking. I too felt like I took care of everything...Sucks don't it. I'd like to think I could actually get myself a real man...one that can at least do his own laundry and write a check. My ex was pretty good about sex though. I miss that the most. However if I did not want it he would not let it go...it could go on for 2 hours of him trying all the while I'm trying to fall asleep. That is the most immature thing ever.