Time to enjoy being single and finding myself again!

[limichelle]

I have always been with somebody from the ages of twenty-to well a long distance relationship break up a couple months ago. Heck I was even with somebody for all of my twenties I was with him for a decade! I lost myself though. I never found out who I am or what I am all about. So I'm taking a break from dating. It could be six months to a year but no sooner. I honestly don't want to look right now. I'm not ready! I have fifty pounds to lose. I have to heal all of these scars and wounds. I need to grow up more I still feel like a child at 34.

 

One day I'll be ready for a serious relationship and by then I will have a lot more to bring to the table. Until then I'm working on myself.

 

I guess you could say I'm "Under Construction."

 

I read on these forums and it all comes down to being afraid of loneliness, that's the vibe I get from some posts. That's why we push to stay, or get back together with somebody who isn't all that great. Or we are on this 'hunt' for the perfect love and the perfect match and it consumes our days and nights. Instead of letting love come to us, we forget it already knows our address and so we pursue it.

 

Just let it flow in your life, let things come as they should.

 

I am scared I will admit! Because it's scary being alone.

 

I know though I want one day a great relationship that was built on not half of a foundation or expecting the other person to carry my weight. But two whole sections coming together to make things complete. That's how love and relationships should be.

 

As a person I want to be whole not half.

 

 

Lisa

[CurlyQSue]

I love this. I am currently struggling on being alone. I haven't been single for 7 years for more than a week or so.....I was in two long term relationships during that time. I love seeing "I want to be whole not half". You are 100% right. It is extremely important to find yourself and your happiness before being with someone else. That way you can build on a stronger foundation than just being scared to be alone....this is a lesson I need to learn. Hopefully soon I can learn I can be alone and happy.

[WithLove]

Good for you! I was single for all of this year. I took the time to work on my father issues and my own mental health. I talked a lot in my journal on here and at group meetings about patterns and things I do in every relationship that ultimately are not good for me. I made new friends and they are the first ones in my life that give me as much as I give them. And spending time with them, concentrating on my own life and my own battles, led me to becoming friends with a man that I wouldn't have found any other way. We're now dating and I'm happier than I can ever remember being.

 

Please take the time to yourself. I've never heard anyone say "I regret taking time to get to know who I am"!

[j.man]

Dude. Being single is awesomeeeeee. Live that **** up for me.

[Rising100]

I hope the best for you, focusing on bettering yourself as a person is important.

[Batya33]

For me personally I found I could do both and that growing as a person included growth while interacting with others, being social, and dating also. Certainly if I'd found myself always getting into harmful situations I would have stopped dating but I think a balance of self-care and being other-directed is the best way to personal growth. But that's just me. I wasn't afraid of being alone -loved my alone time - but I never agreed that "love" would "come to me" -I believed in being proactive and getting out there -not to find abstract "love" but to be the right person to find the right person for marriage and family. If I hadn't wanted marriage and family I wouldn't have focused on meeting people and dating but since I was still single in my 30s and wanted the opportunity to try to have a baby naturally I knew I couldn't wait for "love" to find me.

 

I also knew that while I was happy on my own my goal was marriage and family, I had no interest in rationalizing that I could also be happy, long term, being single.

 

I'm glad you're doing what's best for you -just responding to some of the more general statements you made in your post about why people date or proactively look for a mate.