What does this mean?

[demiel23]

My ex and I had a bit of a hard relationship. She has a new guy and all but she wont make it official with him. She still lives with me, and we have sex on the regular. She says she doesn't want to move outbecause she still has love and cares for me alot. She said she cant choose between me and the other guy though. I have asked her if they had sex she said no. She just enjoys his company. She also said hanging out with him is not worth losing me completely..... we have a family. Can I get any opinions on what or how she maybe feeling?

[JA0371]

So, she's having her cake and eating it too.....I'd say she's feeling pretty smug right now.

[j.man]

Is she paying rent?

[Wiseman2]

She needs to move out Or you should. You hit her it's violent and clearly not working. Can she or you stay with family or friends?

 

Work out a custody/child support arrangement. Forget about her current love life and work on getting this living arrangement severed. What kind of nonsense is living together, having sex etc. but dating others?

 

You two need to either work at being a couple/family and stop the cheating/dating nonsense. Or move out if she won't. Do you support her?

She has a new guy.She still lives with me, and we have sex on the regular. She said she cant choose between me and the other guy though. She also said hanging out with him is not worth losing me completely..... we have a family.

[demiel23]

Is she paying rent?

 

No she isn't. I pay everything...... we got this big house for together but she dont pitch in a single dime

[demiel23]

So, she's having her cake and eating it too.....I'd say she's feeling pretty smug right now.

She says it hurts her every time she leaves with him, and honestly i cry for her every time she goes. I love her truly..... she is the girl I want to marry! Should I just let things go?

[Doc Blaze]

No she isn't. I pay everything...... we got this big house for together but she dont pitch in a single dime

 

 

you are getting played soooo badddd. She is using you.

[demiel23]

She needs to move out Or you should. You hit her it's violent and clearly not working. Can she or you stay with family or friends?

 

Work out a custody/child support arrangement. Forget about her current love life and work on getting this living arrangement severed. What kind of nonsense is living together, having sex etc. but dating others?

 

You two need to either work at being a couple/family and stop the cheating/dating nonsense. Or move out if she won't. Do you support her?

To be honest yes I support her. Ive been trying to keep us together. She has been putting this new guy before our kids! When she is sick or sore or just feeling down i am there for her, but yet she always runs back to this guy that she always complains to me about him treating her like crap. I havent hit her since the first time. I have been in therapy and anger management class as well. She said she needs him around bcuz he is comforting and makes her positive. Then says she needs me because im comforting and she needs me emotionally.

[demiel23]

you are getting played soooo badddd. She is using you.

I had the feeling. I guess I didnt want to believe it.

[Doc Blaze]

I had the feeling. I guess I didnt want to believe it.

 

 

Been there , done that, make a decision. if you guys want to fix things, you cant fix things when she is still running to another man. You need to stay up for yourself.

[DaNgeRTasTiC]

Sorry to hear man. It's rough when you love someone and they don't care about you,

 

The ONLY reason she is telling you that, is so you will continue to SUPPORT her while she gets her wants all lined up. I feel like you are making it a nice comfortable and smooth transition for her to move on.

 

She sounds terrible. Acting like she cares by telling you that garbage.

 

Get her out of your house man. You're being used and you're doing all the work while she does whatever she wants

[Wiseman2]

She would be better off with domestic violence counselling and support than running to this guys's arms. Is she afraid of you?

I havent hit her since the first time. She said she needs him around bcuz he is comforting and makes her positive.

[demiel23]

She would be better off with domestic violence counselling and support than running to this guys's arms. Is she afraid of you?

She says she isn't. She said she only gets scared if i get mad or my voice raises. I haven't raised my voice or got mad just for that reason alone. She says she just cant get over how my anger is.

[j.man]

How often did you used to yell at her? Does she yell at you? You only hit her the one time? Not that any way to hit her is appropriate, but did slap her or flat out 1-2 her? Why did you hit her? Has she ever struck you?

 

I only ask because I consider it incredibly infantilizing when we assume a woman gets hit once and instantly goes into Stockholm mode. She may legit be afraid of you, or she may have rationally thought it through and decided she's more comfortable using your house as home base until she finds another guy to shack up with. In any case, there doesn't look to be a positive outcome lined up for you two as a couple. I'd sit down with her and work out arrangements for living separately and registering for child support.

[demiel23]

How often did you used to yell at her? Does she yell at you? You only hit her the one time? Not that any way to hit her is appropriate, but did slap her or flat out 1-2 her? Why did you hit her? Has she ever struck you?

 

I only ask because I consider it incredibly infantilizing when we assume a woman gets hit once and instantly goes into Stockholm mode. She may legit be afraid of you, or she may have rationally thought it through and decided she's more comfortable using your house as home base until she finds another guy to shack up with. In any case, there doesn't look to be a positive outcome lined up for you two as a couple. I'd sit down with her and work out arrangements for living separately and registering for child support.

Yes it was just the once. I honestly gave her a 1-2 jab. I swear I never meant for things to go that far. I never yelled atvher honeslty until i had found out about the other guy. I have no justified reason as to why i hit her. I was so upset about her mesaing around with this other guy. I had been with her for 5yrs. We have 3 children and all. I honestly just want her back. Im scaref ill never get the chance to make things right ever again. We talked about co parenting and she is up for it . She doesnt want to put me onchild supprt. She wants my kids with me. She wants to move when our lease is up andwants me to move with her. I know she has feelings for me still.... the other day she told me she isnt scared of me but she cant seem to helo herself from falling for. She tells me when i dont talk to her it kills her and that she craves my attention..... but idk. What do you think? I'm only 22 man, im so confused because life was not supposed to be like this. I had no intention of ever causing this much damage to her. I really feel as if we can get through this...... i know it'll be hard but i feel we can.

[Wiseman2]

Please get counselling. Both of you. For the sake of the kids, even if you split up. Cheating and screaming and yelling and hitting is good for what?

 

Your anger? Let her leave. Move out. You sound like a loose canon.

 

What are you doing? Do you want CPS at the house to take your kids away? Get a grip. Her lover is only a minor issue compared to the train-wreck your relationship is and the chaos, conflict, violence and horror you two are exposing your poor kids to. Both of you need to get real.

She said she only gets scared if i get mad or my voice raises. I haven't raised my voice or got mad just for that reason alone. She says she just cant get over how my anger is.

[nutbrownhare]

She's stringing him along whilst playing you. She will continue to do this until one of you guys says "Enough!"

 

Given that she has no moral qualms about the situation, she has no incentive whatsoever to stop.