Just came back from a first date. Why do I always doubt myself after?

[notalady]

Plus I was pretty aggressive in terms of setting up the date. I only sent 3-4 messages in total before getting her # and suggesting a date

 

I think you mean assertive. And not wasting either of your time engaging in endless texting, before you had the chance to see in person if there's chemistry.

[mgsportsfan252]

Well it's been sent. Let's see what happens

[mgsportsfan252]

Well it's been about an hour and so far crickets. Not losing hope just yet but not looking good.

 

Good news is I just got messaged by another girl so that's a plus

[katrina1980]

Well isn't it a sign that she didn't respond to it? Usually the girls I've dated at least were polite and responded to it. A couple of my female friends said this wasn't a good sign but still worth taking a shot at asking for a second date

 

I agree with your friends.

 

Since you're into texting, there's tons of stuff on the internet on how to effectively text to get a response! Be creative, out of the ordinary, engage her!

 

Try and stay away from the usual "I had a great time, hope you got home safe" or "good morning, hope you have a great day" type of stuff.

 

Boring (sorry). I wouldn't know how to respond to that either, although if I really dug the guy and felt the "sparks," I would respond with something.

 

Probably with a funny or something..... just to keep it going, keep the connection alive (assuming there was a connection).

 

That's what we do when we really like a guy, we don't just ignore a text.

 

But hell you have nothing to lose by sending her that additional text asking her out. But two texts, no response = Next.

 

Let us know when you hear back!!

[katrina1980]

Well it's been about an hour and so far crickets. Not losing hope just yet but not looking good.

 

Good news is I just got messaged by another girl so that's a plus

 

When one door closes, another one opens!

 

Not that the first one is definitely closed, but now you have another door to walk through which is always good.

[mgsportsfan252]

I agree with your friends.

 

Since you're into texting, there's tons of stuff on the internet on how to effectively text to get a response! Be creative, out of the ordinary, engage her!

 

Try and stay away from the usual "I had a great time, hope you got home safe" or "good morning, hope you have a great day" type of stuff.

 

Boring (sorry). I wouldn't know how to respond to that either, although if I really dug the guy and felt the "sparks," I would respond with something.

 

Probably with a funny or something..... just to keep it going, keep the connection alive (assuming there was a connection).

 

That's what we do when we really like a guy, we don't just ignore a text.

 

But hell you have nothing to lose by sending her that additional text asking her out. But two texts, no response = Next.

 

Let us know when you hear back!!

 

Well I sent it at 730 and its almost 9 where I am now and no response so I think my answer has been given. Oh well on to the next one I suppose.

[katrina1980]

Well I sent it at 730 and its almost 9 where I am now and no response so I think my answer has been given. Oh well on to the next one I suppose.

 

Hey chin up! You put yourself out there, remember? It's good practice no matter what the outcome.

[mgsportsfan252]

I agree with your friends.

 

Since you're into texting, there's tons of stuff on the internet on how to effectively text to get a response! Be creative, out of the ordinary, engage her!

 

Try and stay away from the usual "I had a great time, hope you got home safe" or "good morning, hope you have a great day" type of stuff.

 

Boring (sorry). I wouldn't know how to respond to that either, although if I really dug the guy and felt the "sparks," I would respond with something.

 

Probably with a funny or something..... just to keep it going, keep the connection alive (assuming there was a connection).

 

That's what we do when we really like a guy, we don't just ignore a text.

 

But hell you have nothing to lose by sending her that additional text asking her out. But two texts, no response = Next.

 

Let us know when you hear back!!

 

Well I sent her the invite to another date at 730 and it's 9 now so I guess I know what the answer is at this point. Oh well on to the next one I suppose.

 

But again, why not just say thanks but no thanks instead of saying you're interested and then just flat out ignoring me.

[mgsportsfan252]

Hey chin up! You put yourself out there, remember? It's good practice no matter what the outcome.

 

You're right. And while I'm a little dissapointed right now, it will wear off by tomorrow. It was only one date!

[katrina1980]

Well I sent her the invite to another date at 730 and it's 9 now so I guess I know what the answer is at this point. Oh well on to the next one I suppose.

 

But again, why not just say thanks but no thanks instead of saying you're interested and then just flat out ignoring me.

 

First off, jmo but I think it's rude for her to just ignore you, especially since you sent an invite.

 

Second, the reason why some women (and men) will say at the end of the date they'd like to see you again, indicating interest, is because often times, we go home and after thinking more about the date, we change our minds and decide we DON'T wish to pursue it further.

 

Simple as that, it happens a lot!!

 

I never take those types of comments said at the end of the date seriously for that exact reason.

 

If he calls me again for a second date, THEN I start to take him seriously. For you, when she ACCEPTS a second date, then you take her seriously.

 

Also, often times people will just say things as sort of a formality.

 

Like for example, a guy telling a woman at the end of the the date "I'll call you."

 

I NEVER take that seriously although some woman do and then wait for his call, and when it never comes, they end up hurt or disappointed or even angry cause they feel misled.

 

But I think in your case, she DID have a good time, and when she told you she'd like to see you again, she meant it when she said it.

 

But went home, and after thinking more about the date (and you) changed her mind, maybe realized it didn't feel right, wasn't any chemistry, who knows.

 

Maybe she met someone else the following night and fell head over heels in love with him right then and there!

 

Try to NOT take it personally. Seriously. If you do, you will end up becoming bitter and jaded and fearful of dating!!

 

Which would be sad cause you actually sound like a pretty cool guy!

 

Keep going, keep taking risks, your "princess" will come, I promise!

[katrina1980]

You're right. And while I'm a little dissapointed right now, it will wear off by tomorrow. It was only one date!

 

Good attitude!

[mgsportsfan252]

First off, jmo but I think it's rude for her to just ignore you, especially since you sent an invite.

 

Second, the reason why some women (and men) will say at the end of the date they'd like to see you again, indicating interest, is because often times, we go home and after thinking more about the date, we change our minds and decide we DON'T wish to pursue it further.

 

Simple as that, it happens a lot!!

 

I never take those types of comments said at the end of the date seriously for that exact reason.

 

If he calls me again for a second date, THEN I start to take him seriously. For you, when she ACCEPTS a second date, then you take her seriously.

 

Also, often times people will just say things as sort of a formality.

 

Like for example, a guy telling a woman at the end of the the date "I'll call you."

 

I NEVER take that seriously although some woman do and then wait for his call, and when it never comes, they end up hurt or disappointed or even angry cause they feel misled.

 

But I think in your case, she DID have a good time, and when she told you she'd like to see you again, she meant it when she said it.

 

But went home, and after thinking more about the date (and you) changed her mind, maybe realized it didn't feel right, wasn't any chemistry, who knows.

 

Maybe she met someone else the following night and fell head over heels in love with him right then and there!

 

Try to NOT take it personally. Seriously. If you do, you will end up becoming bitter and jaded and fearful of dating!!

 

Which would be sad cause you actually sound like a pretty cool guy!

 

Keep going, keep taking risks, your "princess" will come, I promise!

 

Thanks for the insight. Well the date happened last night so I doubt she got swept off her feet by some other guy but chances are she had second thoughts.

 

And I do agree sometimes it is a formality type of thing and sometimes it's not easy to be blunt in person.

 

For example, a girl I was messaging online recently is currently coming on WAY TOO STRONG (multiple emails a day, icebreakers/smileys). She seemed nice enough but now is starting to creep me out and I'm not sure how to put it in a nice way to her. But I need to do it or else I will keep getting bombarded with emails and ice breakers.

 

I won't let this keep me from being jaded from dating. I got dumped back in October (after a 5 month relationship) and took some time to improve myself and felt confident getting back out there. So far I've been on 3 first dates (one I wasn't interested in because she was still hung up on her ex, and two that decided there wasn't a spark) so at least I am taking chances and meeting new people. Just not a fan of the whole dating process and would like to find someone I connect with easily and start a relationship, but I guess this is part of the journey.

[katrina1980]

You've got the right attitude, but one more thing, which I am sure many of the women on this thread will disagree with, but here goes.

 

Next time, wait a few days (no more than three) to ask her out again.

 

That way, she gets to think about you and wonder about you, wonder whether or not YOU liked HER and are gonna call for that second date, which creates a bit of tension and builds attraction.

 

As it stands now, you had a date last night. You expressed interest at the end of the date.

 

Then you sent her a follow up text, THEN you sent a second text inviting her out.

 

All within 24 hours.

 

This may have been too much, too soon and may have worked against you. Possibly.

 

It doesn't hurt to wait a couple of days to ask a woman out again (three TOPS). Like I said, it will cause her to think about you and wonder about you, which again builds attraction.

 

There have been studies about this, so I am not pulling this out of thin air.

 

I know many women will disagree which is okay. Personally, I sort of like wondering about a guy a bit in those very VERY early stages. Then when I DO hear from him, it's exciting.

 

I know many other women who feel this way too, but there may be others who don't.

 

I suppose just do what "works" for you, but in this case two texts, the second being an invite, within 24 hours didn't work, but she may not have been all that interested anyway. So it wouldn't have mattered when you asked her out.

 

OR, she may have thought you too eager, which can be a turn off, hard to say.

 

Anyway, I always say err on the side of caution. When a woman is interested, 2-3 days waiting for a guy to call (asking her out again) isn't gonna 'kill' her.

 

No more than that though.

 

Although for me, I usually give a guy a week (assuming I REALLY like him), but I am a bit of a weirdo on here. My thinking is a bit unconventional, goes against the norm.

 

I may still go out with other guys, but if we really clicked on our date, I will not forget about him in a week's time.

[mgsportsfan252]

You've got the right attitude, but one more thing, which I am sure many of the women on this thread will disagree with, but here goes.

 

Next time, wait a few days (no more than three) to ask her out again.

 

That way, she gets to think about you and wonder about you, wonder whether or not YOU liked HER and are gonna call for that second date, which creates a bit of tension and builds attraction.

 

As it stands now, you had a date last night. You expressed interest at the end of the date.

 

Then you sent her a follow up text, THEN you sent a second text inviting her out.

 

All within 24 hours.

 

This may have been too much, too soon and may have worked against you. Possibly.

 

It doesn't hurt to wait a couple of days to ask a woman out again (three TOPS). Like I said, it will cause her to think about you and wonder about you, which again builds attraction.

 

There have been studies about this, so I am not pulling this out of thin air.

 

I know many women will disagree which is okay. Personally, I sort of like wondering about a guy a bit in those very VERY early stages. Then when I DO hear from him, it's exciting.

 

I know many other women who feel this way too, but there may be others who don't.

 

I suppose just do what "works" for you, but in this case two texts, the second being an invite, within 24 hours didn't work, but she may not have been all that interested anyway. So it wouldn't have mattered when you asked her out.

 

OR, she may have thought you too eager, which can be a turn off, hard to say.

 

Anyway, I always say err on the side of caution. When a woman is interested, 2-3 days waiting for a guy to call isn't gonna 'kill' her.

 

No more than that though.

 

Although for me, I usually give a guy a week (assuming I REALLY like him), but I am a bit of a weirdo on here. My thinking is a bit unconventional, goes against the norm.

 

I may still go out with other guys, but if we really clicked on our date, I will not forget about him in a week's time.

 

I agree with you, historically I usually would wait a day or two and maybe I came off as too eager or clingy/needy. I figured it was worth a shot to try a different approach since she seemed to respond so positively to me when the date was over. Well, lesson learned.

[KantSleep]

Sorry she ghosted you. Not nice. Good luck with the next one. Don't look back.

[kktang]

Well I sent her the invite to another date at 730 and it's 9 now so I guess I know what the answer is at this point. Oh well on to the next one I suppose.

 

It has only been an hour and half why do you take it as a no so fast?

 

I received a text from the guy I went on a first date past Sunday about an hour ago (6:54pm), I just got off work and trying to figure out my weekend schedule before giving him an answer so most likely I will response tomorrow morning when I get the other plans sorted out. Or should I reply now saying for sure but I have to get back to you on my availability?

[notalady]

I don't agree with waiting only based on the fact that it's playing mind games.

 

If you need time to think about whether to ask her out? Sure. But if you already know you want to, nothing wrong with asking straight away.

 

Trust me, it doesn't turn off people who are already interested in you to hear from you sooner rather than later, conversely, if someone isn't interested, it also doesn't matter if you wait or not.

 

I think the one good rule to stick by is, be genuine, don't play games.

[mgsportsfan252]

It has only been an hour and half why do you take it as a no so fast?

 

I received a text from the guy I went on a first date past Sunday about an hour ago (6:54pm), I just got off work and trying to figure out my weekend schedule before giving him an answer so most likely I will response tomorrow morning when I get the other plans sorted out. Or should I reply now saying for sure but I have to get back to you on my availability?

 

Well I knew we wouldn't be able to meet up until next week due to commitments we both had for this week/weekend. I would guess she would have SOME idea of a day or two that would work for her next week since her schedule would be lighter with finals being over.

 

And now it's been 4 hours and still no reply so I'm not holding my breath for a response tomorrow morning.

 

I see sorting out weekend plans is different. Plus he didn't text you 24 hours after your first date. Again, she was a slow texter when we first spoke but I'm assuming she isn't interested and settled on ghosting instead of just saying no thanks or not interested.

[mgsportsfan252]

I don't agree with waiting only based on the fact that it's playing mind games.

 

If you need time to think about whether to ask her out? Sure. But if you already know you want to, nothing wrong with asking straight away.

 

Trust me, it doesn't turn off people who are already interested in you to hear from you sooner rather than later, conversely, if someone isn't interested, it also doesn't matter if you wait or not.

 

I think the one good rule to stick by is, be genuine, don't play games.

 

One of my good friends (who is a girl) said it best when I told her the news: "You're doing EXACTLY what you're supposed to do. What every girl pisses and moans for: follow up, effort and honesty. The trifecta!"

 

I agree, playing games is just a time waster. I had a good time and was attracted to her and took a chance. It didn't work out but oh well.

[katrina1980]

I don't t think it is a "mind game" to wait a couple of days after a first meet/date to ask a woman out again. To suggest it is is kinda crazy actually.

 

I just think it's good policy to allow a person to wonder about you for a bit (man or woman) after that first date, it builds the attraction. Studies have shown this to be true.

 

In any event, waiting a couple of days certainly is not gonna send an interested woman running off, that's for sure.

 

You just don't know how a particular woman is gonna react to two texts, the second one being an invite and sent *before* she even had a chance to respond to the first.... within 24 hours.

 

For many women (not notalady or probably other women here) it's too much, too soon, and you risk looking a bit anxious and over eager.

 

I have actually been very interested in a guy, but he was in such a rush to "lock me down" ...it really put me off, and I lost interest.

 

Slow down, what's the rush anyway? Slow going in these very early stages is best, again jmo. Definitely not a mind game, just smart dating.

 

These very early stages are extremely precarious, as I said before, best to err on the side of caution so as to avoid possibly appearing too anxious and over eager.

 

Of course, there are many woman who would love it, probably most on this thread even.

 

But would they get turned off if you waited 2-3 days to ask for a second date?

 

If they did, you dodged a bullet cause if a woman can lose interest in 2-3 days cause you didn't ask her out within that time frame, she must not have been all that into you in the first place.

 

I knew many women would disagree with this approach, which is OK.

 

We are all different and as such, will react/respond differently.

[kktang]

WI see sorting out weekend plans is different. Plus he didn't text you 24 hours after your first date. Again, she was a slow texter when we first spoke but I'm assuming she isn't interested and settled on ghosting instead of just saying no thanks or not interested.

 

The guy texted shortly after we splited on Sunday too.

 

I dunno maybe I'm just bad in texting, I always take a day to reply at the early stage of dating cuz I don't want texting to turn into conversation. So 2 days to back and forth 4 to 6 texts which lead us to the weekend meeting, at the same time feel we're engaged throughout the week without much effort. Or I'm doing this all wrong.

[Ms Darcy]

You're right. And while I'm a little dissapointed right now, it will wear off by tomorrow. It was only one date!

 

I know I am old fashioned, but I prefer a phone call. One, so you aren't counting the minutes for when she responds. (Even if she's not there, and you leave a voice message, it's still a bit more "closure.") And because when you call, you make sure to call around a time that might be reasonable (for example when you don't think she's super busy).

 

Anyway, I hope you are dating others! Good luck.

[Ms Darcy]

Sorry she ghosted you. Not nice. Good luck with the next one. Don't look back.

 

I don't consider it "ghosting" after the first time you meet someone. After five or more dates, I would say so. But not after a first meet in my opinion. Ghosting implies a sort of relationship.

[Ms Darcy]

I think someone said that if a guy doesn't follow up within 2-3 days for another date, then they delete his number. Yikes.

 

No, that's not the kind of girl you would want to date anyway.

 

People need to give some flexibility. Some people need time to process. A week would be too much. But if you need time a little in the future, or are busy, for whatever reason, take it. If she wants a follow-up very badly, she can ask you out too!