I think I'm going crazy

[Wizardwoman]

So I started texting with this guy a little over a month ago. Hit it off right away, texting all the time. Very much liked him and he made it pretty clear he was really into me. We have met twice now, 2 dates but both were like all day, 8 hours together hang out type of dates. Nothing sexual but we madeout both times and afterwards he would text me saying how much fun he had and how much he likes me bla bla. And its been good.

 

But I am really worried he isnt the person he says he is. Or portrays himself as. And I dont know why. I did have a really awful 2 year relationship experience when i was 18 with someone who was, for one significantly older, and a pathological liar, a con artist, a fake, an abuser, and a sociopath so I think that might have something to do with it. Like I am really afraid of meeting someone like that again. So I always feel like every guy might be a weirdo or just lying about everything. And I have no reason for thinking my new guy is lying about anything or that this relationship is fake to him but I still feel like it might be. Sometimes I think he's lying about things, but for no real reason. Like when he told me him and his friend rescued a kitten and I just felt like it was madeup but he sent me a pic of the cat. Or when he said some guy texted him asking to play guitar with some guys, the thought crossed my mind that he made it up and he is a werido who sent himself messages pretending to be this guitar player. One time he said he had a dream that he was getting cut on his hands and he woke up and had this tiny cut on his finger and he sent me a pic. In my head I thought he made the dream up and that he cut himself. I dont know why I think like this!!!!

 

And then the last 2 days I have just felt like this really weird feeling in my entire body and my stomach like something isnt right. Like he is seeing someone else and maybe losing interest in me. Or that the entire thing with me is fake and he isnt real about anything he says. I dont know what it is but its a feeling. Only I dont know if its a real gut instinct or if its my head being crazy. And I dont want to ask him about it and make myself look desperate and needy and crazy if I am wrong. Like I havent heard much from him today which I know doesnt neccesarily mean anything but I just feel weird for some reason.

 

And I think also I am really afraid he is going to lose interest because almost all other men in the past have. But then Im also not 100% sure I want this either. But then I feel like I do and that I really like him.

[gebaird]

Relationships have a way of bringing our dysfunctions to the surface. Some guys lie and cheat, but some don't. Some guys lose interest, but some don't. When we go to extremes (ALL guys cheat, ALL guys lie), it's a good sign that our thinking isn't objective.

 

You aren't going crazy -- you've just been hurt in the past and you haven't healed. Your anxiety is a red flag, and the message it's sending isn't actually "the guy I'm dating is going to hurt me," rather it's, "I'm hurting myself by remaining stuck in these negative thought patterns."

 

Just talking about what you're going through on this forum is a good start. It helps you get out of your own head and check in with reality. If therapy is an option for you, that could help, too. Meditation, talking with a good friend, music, exercise -- all of these things can give you an outlet for the strong feelings you are dealing with and help you regain your equilibrium.

 

It's natural to feel a little afraid and insecure when confronting uncertainty. It's when those feelings take over your whole life that it becomes a problem. Emotionally healthy people are able to find a good balance between trusting too little and trusting too much. They allow relationships to unfold naturally, not passing judgment in the beginning before any real information is known about the other person. You've only been on two dates with this guy. Relax a bit, and just be curious about what's next. Instead of spending all your time thinking about what could go wrong, spend some time thinking about what might go right.

[Ms Darcy]

Hmm, that's a lot of anxiety for only two dates.

 

I say all the time, don't type so much. Texting all the time builds up fantasies and false expectations. It's so early yet. Anything can happen.

 

Keep yourself busy with things other than him.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately you can't get to know someone through excessive protracted texting and only 2 in-person dates. Is this long distance?

 

Why only 2 dates in all this time? Are you both multi-dating? Have you googled him or has he talked about work or where he lives, his life, etc? Is he single? What do you know about him so far?

I started texting with this guy a little over a month ago. texting all the time. 2 dates. But I am really worried he isnt the person he says he is. Or portrays himself as. I still feel like it might be. like something isnt right.

[SooSad33]

Dont know why your thinking like this? Possibly because you're dealing with after effects of your damaged past.

 

Maybe consider some prof help? Therapy can help you 'deal with it'.. and hopefully heal from it all.

 

he may be 'odd' to you but to over-think EVERYTHING he does and says.. isn't right. Shows you deep down don't trust.

 

could also be that you two are just different and not compatible. You'll feel that, in time.

Then just work on accepting.. healing and moving on.

[brunchner]

How long has it been since the end of this 2 year relationship you were talking about? How many men have you seen since?

 

Actually, how much time have you spent making new friends (NOT relationships or partners), female or male? Because if none is your answer, then stay back from the dating scene for a while. Make a couple friends. You don't have to force yourself to trust them, but ask yourself "is there any proof that they don't deserve my trust?"

 

By no means am I judging you for the way you're feeling; in fact, I went into my second relationship EXPECTED to be cheated on because I got cheated on by my first boyfriend. It's normal, and instinctive, to want to protect yourself from getting hurt again.

 

However, it is only good/beneficial to a certain extent.

 

Reach out to someone whom you were close with and catch up, or meet someone new and learn to trust them. Don't be afraid to be "just friends" with those guys you're into until you know them enough to say "I can treasure this guy, and he can treasure me too."

 

Good luck!