This pain is too much

[ut03n9]

Wife is leaving me on 12/22 for good. We have been living in separate apartments in the same building for the last year. Trying to work out our issues. She recently told me she is moving to another building in the same neighborhood and wants her space. I sit home every night after work and cry, don't get out of bed all weekend. I just cry. I feel like I can't breathe. If I had button that I could press to end it all I would.

[abitbroken]

I am so sorry. Divorce is not easy. its like a death. Please find a divorce support group local to the area. churches and extension education centers often have them. Just the act of going and knowing that you are not alone might help. Do you have a brother or a male friend you can call and go have a coffee with or do some activity that you both like?

 

Also, on 12/22 is she moving to another building to get some space or does that mean your divorce is final?

[melancholy123]

You really need to force yourself to get up and get out of bed and leave your apt and get out with people. Call a buddy and meet for coffee or a beer or whatever. Find a divorce support group and go to it. Wallowing in your pity won't do you any good. Get up and get moving. If you think therapy would help, get that too.

[ut03n9]

Thank you for the reply. It's nice. I have found a support group but they only meet once a month... she says she wants some space and that she will see what her feelings are to me after she "the smoke clears". No time table given But anytime we speak her resentment towards me spills out so I think her intentions are clear. I also went to my 1st therapy session this week

[Roselynn1]

So sorry you're going thru this. I know it's hard but you really need to try and get yourself together and get back to the person she fell in love with. Give her all the space she needs, don't try to contact her and talk her out of her decision right now. Meanwhile, it's going to be hard but little by little try and push yourself to do something you enjoy. Even if you don't want to, try and get out and do something. Read books, talk to friends, read related threads on this forum to try and get out of this funk. And I know it feels like the pain will never end, but it will in time.

[KantSleep]

Sorry you are experiencing this terrible pain. I am glad to see you had a therapy session. That should help. When I was going through a break up, there were times I needed to be around people, and other times I wanted to be left alone. Try to find a balance. Crying all weekend long is not a good thing. Go see a movie (I did this, by myself), or go for a walk. Think about the future. I would even think about meeting another mate - down the road (despite the fact I was a wreck). Was I going to act on it while in a depression and not healed -- of course not. But it was better than looking to the past that I couldn't fix. Good luck. It will get better, keep the faith that it will.

[ut03n9]

Thanks for the replies. I know what I must do I just don't have the strength at times. No family or friends to lean on... I walked around a park the other night which felt good, I have a very demanding analytical job which I'm screwing up because it's hard not to wallow

[ut03n9]

How do you live knowing that one day she will give her love to another man? I can't stand the thought or image. It's hard to breathe right now

[zuhairhadi2021]

How do you live knowing that one day she will give her love to another man? I can't stand the thought or image. It's hard to breathe right now

Hello friend,

 

I know how you feel. My wife is leaving on the 12/6 and we are going to get divorced. She cheated on me and yet instead of being happy that she is gonna be gone forever. I'm sad and feels like dying inside of me. It's just the most horrible feeling I have experienced. It's not like this is my first break up with a girl but none of them were my wife. So I understand how you must be feeling.

 

At least you know that she is not coming after your money too. Could have been worse my friend.

 

What helps me in this situation is that I keep myself busy with work and I drive around the interstate with my favorite music playing loud. It makes me feel better. Maybe try doing it even though it sounds silly. Sometimes we need to do stupid things to feel better about ourselves.

 

Also, if you have a friend... Talk to her or him. See if you have a female friend because they are good at advising you how a female brain works. Just an idea.

My friend has helped me so much I'm understanding my wife, it's just crazy.

 

Last but not the that important but in case you haven't figured out by now. You are back to being single. So go out and find a cute girl and post pictures of you guys on Facebook to make your wife see what she is missing. Believe me dude, women take those things very seriously.

 

Oh and one more thing, More out of that building. It sounds depressing and filled with memories. Thats what I'm going to do.

[ut03n9]

Thank you for the kind words. No desire for another mate.

[zuhairhadi2021]

Thank you for the kind words. No desire for another mate.

Give it a few days... Lol

[mbenz201]

I know it's not easy bad I found that prayer and talking to people does help ease the pain and with time you will fine your self feeling better

[ut03n9]

All I do is wait for her next call, I analyze every word she says looking for clues and hope for a future. I know in my heart of hearts I love her, but I also know she does not love me anymore. I think the only reason she keeps me hanging on is because I give her 2k a month

[zuhairhadi2021]

All I do is wait for her next call, I analyze every word she says looking for clues and hope for a future. I know in my heart of hearts I love her, but I also know she does not love me anymore. I think the only reason she keeps me hanging on is because I give her 2k a month

Dude... Just stop giving her the money.

File for a divorce and move on in life.

 

My wife just emptied my entire checking and savings account leaving me with $400.

 

So you better understand what you are doing. I am glad I had good friends who looked out for me. And I think you desperately need one too.

 

They are not worth it and the longer you wait the more it's going to hurt both in the heart and on the pocket too.

 

Get divorced and move on. You are an adult and that means making tough decisions and being selfish and standing up for yourself. No matter what!!

[ut03n9]

I'm sorry to keep posting but it's all that's keeping me from driving my Jeep into a rock. I wish I could press fast forward these next 18 months and get passed these horrible times. I just want to scream, yell, fight, cry and beg her to take me back. I know none of that matters. Last Sunday when I told her I was sorry she said "my sorry means ".

[zuhairhadi2021]

I'm sorry to keep posting but it's all that's keeping me from driving my Jeep into a rock. I wish I could press fast forward these next 18 months and get passed these horrible times. I just want to scream, yell, fight, cry and beg her to take me back. I know none of that matters. Last Sunday when I told her I was sorry she said "my sorry means ".

Did you cheat on her? Just wondering

[ut03n9]

No. would never cheat. Just not being attentive and a good husband

[ut03n9]

It's the little things that kill me, called to wish her a good night. No answer. My mind is down the rabbit hole of misery

[Silverbirch]

Hey both you guys. I'm sorry for what you are both going through. Most people here because of problems coping with breakups. I got here pretty much because I would say I was having a breakdown after being dumped by a man who had asked me to marry him. He dumped me because he became obsessed with a much younger woman, a "friend" who often visited us at home. I didn't think it was possible to cry as much as I did. In fact, I cried so much, every day for 4 months of solid crying, I had Botox around my eyes because of what it did to my physical appearance. I'm definitely over him, and I'm very glad today that I am not with him. Give yourselves time, and please, unless there are children involved and you have to have contact, go No Contact so you can heal. Stay around here and share your journey of healing. There will be others who have been where you are and will encourage you. I'm so grateful for this site.

[ut03n9]

Thanks for the advice and encouragement. The only thing that gives me comfort is speaking to her. Which gives me false hope, which delays the agony. No contact would be a death sentence for me

[Silverbirch]

Thanks for the advice and encouragement. The only thing that gives me comfort is speaking to her. Which gives me false hope, which delays the agony. No contact would be a death sentence for me

 

 

No, you only think it would be a death sentence. It would actually be the first step in your healing. I

V

[zuhairhadi2021]

Thanks for the advice and encouragement. The only thing that gives me comfort is speaking to her. Which gives me false hope, which delays the agony. No contact would be a death sentence for me

You deserve better.... You just don't need to think about it. It's her loss she can't be happy with what she had.

 

Time will heal you... I'm always here to listen to you. I'm not the best person to make those same decisions for myself as I'm going through the same thing. But I understand your frustration and pain.

 

Just keep your self occupied with things.

[ut03n9]

We grabbed a bite to eat last night and during diner she asked me to help her create a financial budget. I naturally agreed and mentioned we could either use excel or they have some great apps on the iPhone for that. She said "I hate that ing phone, please no. " I said so get rid of the phone and get something else. This morning she called to tell me that I was being defensive and created a hostile energy by me response and I turned her off. I know this is benign but my heart feels like it has 5 thousand pounds on it.

[zuhairhadi2021]

We grabbed a bite to eat last night and during diner she asked me to help her create a financial budget. I naturally agreed and mentioned we could either use excel or they have some great apps on the iPhone for that. She said "I hate that ing phone, please no. " I said so get rid of the phone and get something else. This morning she called to tell me that I was being defensive and created a hostile energy by me response and I turned her off. I know this is benign but my heart feels like it has 5 thousand pounds on it.

Seems like you guys are in your early 20's and don't get me wrong but she seems like she is using you. I have been there and I kind of still am but my only advice to you is to stay away from her.

 

Have 0 contact from her for a week. No text replies no matter how urgent or important they may seem. And definitely no phone calls. Put her on block and let her know that you are moving on with your life by leaving a good bye SMS.

 

Trust me if she has any bit of feelings for you and wants you back. She will come to you and apologize and you can then sit and talk things out. If you truly love her then you have to do this. I know women and they will be hurt and they will come back to you if they really care. If she doesn't then dude please take a hint and accept things the way they are.

 

Just remember this, if you do the above thing... You will find out the truth.

 

Goodluck

Z

[ut03n9]

Thanks. We are both in our 40s I will try

 

-d