His best friend hates me

[livinglovingme]

I'm dating (well was dating) this guy who has a female best friend. I didn't meet her until about 4 months into dating him. Me and her got along really good at first, then things went bad and he cut me off.

 

Me and her hit it off and started hanging out almost every day after we met. She is 8 years younger than me and him, so we considered her a "little sister".

 

Her and her boyfriend broke up and she needed somewhere to stay. I let her stay with me for a couple months. I go out a lot and I'd take her with me and we had tons of fun. Then she got a new boyfriend and I OK'd for him to come over some days.

 

Some days turned into every day. Then I got a letter from my landlord saying I could not renew my lease because I had people living with me (that was a violation of my lease). They gave me a 60 day notice to move out.

 

Pissed off I texted her that she (and her boyfriend) had to leave. I got home from work and their stuff was gone and she left the key. She wanted an explanation as to why I wanted them gone (she gave me $60 towards the rent, she felt like she was paying rent and deserved to stay). I didn't tell her why, and I didn't feel like I had to at the time...its my house!

 

In her rage she told the guy I was dating some lies about me. That I am talking to so many guys and I'd have guys over all the time, I slept with different guys etc.

 

So he believes her and hasn't said two words to me. The last we talked he was going off on me and told me I can sleep with whoever, just leave him alone. Then he began ignoring me. Didn't even give me a chance to defend myself.

 

Side note: Me and him were not in a relationship. He gave me the "I'm not ready for a relationship" line so I did talk to other guys. Apparently I wasn't supposed to talk to anyone else and now that his best friend says I smashed half the city...he believes her and cut me off. I feel terrible! There's nothing I can do but give him time I guess??

 

The only thing I did wrong was let her stay with me. Now I'm the bad guy and got the crap end of the stick. Now I have to move and will they help me like I helped them? Nope.

[Wiseman2]

Were you able to straighten this out? They both sounds like immature ungrateful idiots. Be glad this guy his little friend and her bf are gone.

 

The first red flag was "not ready for a relationship" the second was siding with his friend. There would have been more red flags down the line had he not done you this tremendous favor and removed himself and his equally messed up friends from your life.

 

You can do much better than these people. Next time don't settle for the "not ready" line and don't over-extend yourself for strangers or friends of friends at your own peril. Go no contact with all of these people and block them all from your life for good.

Then I got a letter from my landlord saying I could not renew my lease because I had people living with me (that was a violation of my lease). They gave me a 60 day notice to move out.

[reinventmyself]

First off, she deserved to be told that she needed to move in person, not in an impulsive text.

 

You seemed a little frustrated in your description

(I didn't tell her why, and I didn't feel like I had to at the time...its my house!) and it appears that you took it out on her.

 

She was invited to stay with you and the boyfriend was apparently welcomed as well.

Now with no warning they find themselves out in the street without the benefit of a conversation and you wonder why she is upset?

 

You aren't entirely clear on the expectations of exclusivity with your bf or fwb, whatever you call it and then again, another misunderstanding.

 

The lesson in all of this I suppose, is to communicate with people close to you. Don't lose your cool and take things out on other people.

If the girl and the bf were overstaying their welcome, why didn't you speak up before hand?

[LondonLad83]

A ty situation but there's a few things.

 

While she and her bf were staying, were you fine with that, did you ever bring up the point that they were overstepping the line a bit with practically living there?

 

Because if everything was ok and then suddenly you've told them to leave without explaining, then it's bound to cause some fallout. I get that it's your house, but if you never expressed any annoyance with the situation at the time and then suddenly told them to get out that's going to cause a problem. Now they shouldn't lie about things at all, that's just totally wrong. Maybe if you explained why they had to move and how you have to move out now, then this could be resolved and they will tell the truth.

 

Also if this guy doesn't want a relationship then be careful you're not still hanging onto the hope of that changing. Ultimately, first and foremost look after yourself

[livinglovingme]

Were you able to straighten this out?

 

Yea! I am moving into a better apartment. That ended up being a blessing in disguise. Even though it was a rather stressful process. I am moving next week. I'm living in a new city all by myself, he was the main person I hung with. Now I'm asking random people to help me move smh. But it will all work out.

[livinglovingme]

First off, she deserved to be told that she needed to move in person, not in an impulsive text.

 

You seemed a little frustrated in your description

(I didn't tell her why, and I didn't feel like I had to at the time...its my house!) and it appears that you took it out on her.

 

She was invited to stay with you and the boyfriend was apparently welcomed as well.

Now with no warning they find themselves out in the street without the benefit of a conversation and you wonder why she is upset?

 

You aren't entirely clear on the expectations of exclusivity with your bf or fwb, whatever you call it and then again, another misunderstanding.

 

The lesson in all of this I suppose, is to communicate with people close to you. Don't lose your cool and take things out on other people.

If the girl and the bf were overstaying their welcome, why didn't you speak up before hand?

 

Well she was staying with the guy I was dating when I met her. So she had somewhere to go...back to staying with him.

 

I did have a talk with her a few times about them being so loud having sex on my living room floor and I told her I like to have my space sometimes and she would go stay with the best friend some days. But once she got the boyfriend they both were always at my house arguing all night, leaving beer bottles on my front porch. I explained to her all these things that bothered me to the point where I was sick of having to explain every little thing. Yes I could have avoided a lot had I just told her about me having to move. But at that point I had exploded. I eventually told her what happened a few days ago and she said she wishes I would have said that then instead of now, and that was the end of that conversation. Nothing else has happened.

[livinglovingme]

You aren't entirely clear on the expectations of exclusivity with your bf or fwb, whatever you call it and then again, another misunderstanding.

 

To be honest...I really don't know either lol. He didn't want a relationship with me, but he didn't want me talking to anyone else. He told me he loved me a week before all this happened. We only spent time with each other (but I did keep my options open, and he never deleted his POF). He is waiting for marriage so we didn't have sex to interfere. She was always telling me to drop him and I'm too good for him.

[j.man]

It sounds like a net benefit to be rid of rowdy "roommates" and all the high school drama. That said, as a general life tip, it's best to avoid needlessly pissing people off. It seems like you know you should've just told her the reason now, especially considering it wasn't even a personal one.

[notalady]

She sounds very immature, and I think you're better off without her and your ex-date in your life, but there's a lot you could learn from this.

 

Don't date someone that says I'm not ready for a relationship. Clearly there was no commitment on his part, that's why it was so easy for him to cut you off without giving you the benefit of the doubt, you're not his gf, just someone he was dating casually. I wouldn't consider getting back with him, seems like a major waste of time this whole thing.

 

Don't invite someone you don't really know to live with you, even temporarily. Like any type of relationship (not just romantic ones), when you rush into it before getting to know them fully, you're at risk of finding a few nasty surprises and have it blow up in your face.

 

Learn to set clearer boundaries with people, whether it's dates or friends. Honestly if I had a friend staying over temporarily, I would've told them beforehand how long I can let them stay, and no parties or stay overs from boyfriends or anyone, they are not renting here, they are here as guest so my house my rules. I wouldn't even charge them rent, so that they are clear they are not renting here. I mean, she had sex on your living room floor?! Wth? That's just rude.

 

By the way I don't get why you didn't tell them you were getting evicted, I would've made damn sure they know because of them, I'm losing my place to live. Aka don't expect the friendship to continue.

[Gary Snyder]

Since he said he was not ready for a relationship, perhaps you are better off?