I broke up with him

[pippy longstocking]

I broke up with him because I was tired of always waiting on hand and foot for him. He always went out with his friends 5 times a week, only seeing me on a saturday. Whenever I would meet my friend (not regularly), he would make a sarcastic comment about it as he doesn't like her, and I would spend less time with my friend as I felt a bit guilty.

He would go to the cinema, to bars, restaurants with his friends and when with me hed just sit playing Xbox with me, in bed.

He also would like girls pictures on social media and it'd upset me, whereas if I liked guys photos he'd get upset with me.

The final straw was when he put his ex girlfriend in front of me & I felt deeply hurt by this, so we got into an argument. I stood up for myself (for once), and he then ignored me for two days (as a pushisment maybe?) and I finally caved in and messaged him. He then told me I was wrong for getting upset and he expected me to apologise, but instead i broke up with him.

 

yep , you know exactly how his mind works and he knows what you will do ..he knows he is in control, the monster ..dear god this is at 18 , imagine him in 10 years !!

I have had the punishment done many time ..been walked out on , ignored for days , feeling desperate , not knowing what is going on ...by the time they get in touch with us we are so low and desperate we are just grateful they got in touch !! ewww makes you wonder how we can let ourselves be like that hey .

 

 

I am telling you now this is all a game to him still , he will be expecting you to reach such a level of desperation you will walk on broken glass to get him back , and all the while he is sat back not even worrying .

[Butterflyxx]

yep , you know exactly how his mind works and he knows what you will do ..he knows he is in control, the monster ..dear god this is at 18 , imagine him in 10 years !!

I have had the punishment done many time ..been walked out on , ignored for days , feeling desperate , not knowing what is going on ...by the time they get in touch with us we are so low and desperate we are just grateful they got in touch !! ewww makes you wonder how we can let ourselves be like that hey .

 

 

I am telling you now this is all a game to him still , he will be expecting you to reach such a level of desperation you will walk on broken glass to get him back , and all the while he is sat back not even worrying .

 

I understand what you're saying but most of the time he's nice to me, so how is he a monster? I thought he was really upset (hence the sobbing to me on the phone).

But everything else is on point. Every time he does this, I just beg for him back. When he ignored me at the weekend due to the argument about his ex, he went out with his mates and had a good time (pictures on Facebook), whilst I was sat crying in my bedroom wanting to talk to him.

He always has it better than me and he's always higher than me.

[pippy longstocking]

I understand what you're saying but most of the time he's nice to me, so how is he a monster? I thought he was really upset (hence the sobbing to me on the phone).

But everything else is on point. Every time he does this, I just beg for him back. When he ignored me at the weekend due to the argument about his ex, he went out with his mates and had a good time (pictures on Facebook), whilst I was sat crying in my bedroom wanting to talk to him.

He always has it better than me and he's always higher than me.

 

he is a monster because of what you then went on to say and everything you have said .

[Butterflyxx]

he is a monster because of what you then went on to say and everything you have said .

 

He didn't realise I was sat crying though

[pippy longstocking]

When this is over and you feel ok ..and you will I promise you . You will feel empowered , you will feel like you can take on the world and you will never let anyone trample all over you again ..and I absolutely assure you that you will look at him and wonder how the hell you put up with it as long as you did . You just have to get through this bit ..it is hard let's not kid ourselves , but worth it .

[pippy longstocking]

He didn't realise I was sat crying though

 

of course he did , he knows exactly what state you would be in ...you have no need to defend him to me darling , I am have had bigger and better than him and I know every damn move they make .

[Wiseman2]

As long as you thought things over and determined it wasn't working out and that you tried everything and this was the last and best option, you'll be fine.

 

Most people block and go no contact after breakups so he is just doing what he needs to to heal/move on. Keep in mind breakups are not a device or tactic to get your way or make a point, they are usually final and very damaging.

 

It would be best to honor his wishes to leave him alone and go no contact and block him. You made your decision to dump him so now do what you need to do to move on and heal.

I wanted some control in the relationship as he's always the one in control and so I broke up with him.. in hopes he'd be the one crying and begging for me back. It's backfired on me and once again he has full control and I dont.

[Butterflyxx]

of course he did , he knows exactly what state you would be in ...you have no need to defend him to me darling , I am have had bigger and better than him and I know every damn move they make .

 

I know deep down that maybe he's just doing this all to control me. On the other hand it breaks my heart knowing I've hurt him

[Butterflyxx]

As long as you thought things over and determined it wasn't working out and that you tried everything and this was the last and best option, you'll be fine.

 

Most people block and go no contact after breakups so he is just doing what he needs to to heal/move on. Keep in mind breakups are not a device or tactic to get your way or make a point, they are usually final and very damaging.

 

It would be best to honor his wishes to leave him alone and go no contact and block him. You made your decision to dump him so now do what you need to do to move on and heal.

 

I feel like I've made a massive mistake! How do I fix it??

The thing is, when deciding whether it was the right decision to end it, i imagined in a week from now, or a month from now still being with him and getting put last. It made me sad thinking of that reality.

On the other hand, now that we've broken up I feel like I'd go through all that frustration and upsetting emotions just to have him back, because I can't bare being without him

[pippy longstocking]

Remind yourself of this from just few hours ago

 

I ended it because I'm usually unhappy when with him. The ex situation was the final straw. I wanted some control in the relationship as he's always the one in control and so I broke up with him.. in hopes he'd be the one crying and begging for me back.

It's backfired on me and once again he has full control and I dont.

From now on I won't make any contact with him.

 

And now you are looking for ways to fix it ... I don't know that there is anymore I can say .....I imagine darling you are going to beg him back , say you are sorry , blow smoke up his ass and go back to having a miserable relationship while he carries on doing what he does but with even more control . But you will do what you want at the end of the day and that is up to you honey x

[Butterflyxx]

Remind yourself of this from just few hours ago

 

 

 

And now you are looking for ways to fix it ... I don't know that there is anymore I can say .....I imagine darling you are going to beg him back , say you are sorry , blow smoke up his ass and go back to having a miserable relationship while he carries on doing what he does but with even more control . But you will do what you want at the end of the day and that is up to you honey x

 

I know deep down you're correct, and that's why I broke up with him. I believe I'm just scared to be alone and I feel empty without him x

[pippy longstocking]

I know deep down you're correct, and that's why I broke up with him. I believe I'm just scared to be alone and I feel empty without him x

 

That's very normal honestly , everyone who comes here feels lonely and empty , it wont last forever . I wish I could infuse some confidence in you .

[Butterflyxx]

That's very normal honestly , everyone who comes here feels lonely and empty , it wont last forever . I wish I could infuse some confidence in you .

 

Is it my lack of confidence that's making the situation worse?

[JaggerJim]

As long as you thought things over and determined it wasn't working out and that you tried everything and this was the last and best option, you'll be fine.

 

Most people block and go no contact after breakups so he is just doing what he needs to to heal/move on. Keep in mind breakups are not a device or tactic to get your way or make a point, they are usually final and very damaging.

 

It would be best to honor his wishes to leave him alone and go no contact and block him. You made your decision to dump him so now do what you need to do to move on and heal.

 

I agree with this. You decided it was over, and so now you should really leave him alone. This will forever be an on/off relationship if you keep getting back together and then breaking up when you get upset. It sounds like he is quite content to live his life his own way.

[Butterflyxx]

I agree with this. You decided it was over, and so now you should really leave him alone. This will forever be an on/off relationship if you keep getting back together and then breaking up when you get upset. It sounds like he is quite content to live his life his own way.

 

I understand. It was an on and off relationship and we were both scared to end it because we both don't want to be alone, but now it's done.

[pippy longstocking]

Is it my lack of confidence that's making the situation worse?

 

yes it can have a profound effect and might go some way to explaining why he was like he was and walked all over you . Also when one isn;t very confident you can feel like thee will be no one else , so tend to stick with that you know ... you can work on these darling .

[JaggerJim]

Also, if you stick to your guns this time and not take him back, your ex will be very suprised that he can't just waltz in and win you back, or you run after him like all the other times. Maybe he will see you in a different light. But you have to believe in yourself. Hang out with your friends more and put him on the back burner. He goes out with his mates all the time even when he was with you. He will often wonder why your not chasing him because he's so used too it. As of today make it a challenge to not talk to him for exactly a week as of this minute today. You may be surprised at yourself and how resilient you are.

[Butterflyxx]

Also, if you stick to your guns this time and not take him back, your ex will be very suprised that he can't just waltz in and win you back, or you run after him like all the other times. Maybe he will see you in a different light. But you have to believe in yourself. Hang out with your friends more and put him on the back burner. He goes out with his mates all the time even when he was with you. He will often wonder why your not chasing him because he's so used too it. As of today make it a challenge to not talk to him for exactly a week as of this minute today. You may be surprised at yourself and how resilient you are.

 

I noticed a pattern. We have broken up twice before and at first I kept messaging him and wanting him back and he never used to answer and so I gave up. After 2 or so months without contact (both times we broke up), that was when he missed me and wanted me back, although I know this time is different.

From now on I won't contact him and I'll see how I feel in a week.

[Butterflyxx]

yes it can have a profound effect and might go some way to explaining why he was like he was and walked all over you . Also when one isn;t very confident you can feel like thee will be no one else , so tend to stick with that you know ... you can work on these darling .

 

My mum told me that my lack of confidence was making it easy for him to control me etc. How do I gain confidence?

When we broke up yesterday, me and him both blamed the breakup on myself and that I'm insecure. He said that he'll never understand me and that's why we can't be together, yet it's obvious why I get upset over him only seeing me once a week etc.

[pippy longstocking]

My mum told me that my lack of confidence was making it easy for him to control me etc. How do I gain confidence?

When we broke up yesterday, me and him both blamed the breakup on myself and that I'm insecure. He said that he'll never understand me and that's why we can't be together, yet it's obvious why I get upset over him only seeing me once a week etc.

 

It will have made it easy for him and he knew that , which he then used against you , and that in itself knocked your confidence ...and every time he has done things to disrespect you , like all this with the 15 yr old , his mates , his ex ..all of that he has done regardless of your feelings , which has knocked your confidence even more . He has known the ignoring you treatment would have been killing you inside and as we said earlier , it is like a form of punishment ..every time this stuff was happening it was knocking your confidence more and more .

 

As you start to heal from this and every day you don't try and get him back will automatically be boosting your confidence ..every day that goes by that he hasn't upset you , caused you to wonder what he is doing or who he is doing it with will boost your confidence .. I assure you a lot will be fixed when you have got over him and these feelings go .

 

A lot of people use mantra's and it is a proven fact that the more you tell yourself you are a strong , happy (whatever you want ) woman , eventually you start to believe it yourself .. waking up in the morning and saying a positive mantra helps and that is where most people start ..as soon as they wake up ..keep your thoughts happy and positive , believe in yourself . It will start to shine through .

You need to get our with your friends and fill your mind with other stuff as well .

[reinventmyself]

I know deep down you're correct, and that's why I broke up with him. I believe I'm just scared to be alone and I feel empty without him x

 

Go back and reread what transpired and what motivated you to break up.

If you feel like contacting him, contact a friend instead.

 

Accept that this will be hard and you will feel a lot of intense emotions.

Don't let them sway you.

[Wiseman2]

So he broke up with you? How old is he? Do either of you live with your parents or long distance?

me and him both blamed the breakup on myself and that I'm insecure. He said that he'll never understand me and that's why we can't be together

[Butterflyxx]

So he broke up with you? How old is he? Do either of you live with your parents or long distance?

Well no it was a mutual decision. We are both 18 and we both live with our parents, and I live a 10 minute walk from his house

[Butterflyxx]

It will have made it easy for him and he knew that , which he then used against you , and that in itself knocked your confidence ...and every time he has done things to disrespect you , like all this with the 15 yr old , his mates , his ex ..all of that he has done regardless of your feelings , which has knocked your confidence even more . He has known the ignoring you treatment would have been killing you inside and as we said earlier , it is like a form of punishment ..every time this stuff was happening it was knocking your confidence more and more .

 

As you start to heal from this and every day you don't try and get him back will automatically be boosting your confidence ..every day that goes by that he hasn't upset you , caused you to wonder what he is doing or who he is doing it with will boost your confidence .. I assure you a lot will be fixed when you have got over him and these feelings go .

 

A lot of people use mantra's and it is a proven fact that the more you tell yourself you are a strong , happy (whatever you want ) woman , eventually you start to believe it yourself .. waking up in the morning and saying a positive mantra helps and that is where most people start ..as soon as they wake up ..keep your thoughts happy and positive , believe in yourself . It will start to shine through .

You need to get our with your friends and fill your mind with other stuff as well .

 

That is completely correct. I don't think at the time I really realised that everything he was doing was knocking my confidence. Every time he hurt me, I would end up blaming it on myself and so would he.. and it got to the point that I started blaming myself for my feelings every time I'd get upset. I think over the past 2 years this really have knocked my confidence.

I will try and boost my confidence with the advice you gave me.

[pippy longstocking]

That is completely correct. I don't think at the time I really realised that everything he was doing was knocking my confidence. Every time he hurt me, I would end up blaming it on myself and so would he.. and it got to the point that I started blaming myself for my feelings every time I'd get upset. I think over the past 2 years this really have knocked my confidence.

I will try and boost my confidence with the advice you gave me.

 

 

It took me a long time to realise it as well .. like I said I have been there ..and I have noticed a couple of times you have mentioned how he has turned it onto it been your fault ..that again speaks volumes and follows the same pattern as someone who is controlling . Keep talking to your mum as well , she has obviously seen all this , and will help you through these early days .