Anxious about the relationship

[angelbansal]

Hi I have been dating for 6 months and slowly discovering that I am not happy in the relationship. My boyfriend is studying for some exam and is busy most of the times but lately he has had no time for me. Whenever I bring this up or ask him to spend time with me, we get into an argument after which he treats me okay for a few days. Most of the times he needs his space and does not keep in touch or try to make plans for us to hang out. Despite being in a relationship I feel like I am alone and have no support from him whenever I need it.

I am always around for him and I know that I have made myself too available, but I really love this guy and really want things to work between us.

He is generally the sort of person who is emotionally distant and needs space while I am exactly the opposite.

Is this doomed or should I push through the terrible phase that we have right now and hope for things to get better?

[FlashEng1]

Hi I have been dating for 6 months and slowly discovering that I am not happy in the relationship. My boyfriend is studying for some exam and is busy most of the times but lately he has had no time for me. Whenever I bring this up or ask him to spend time with me, we get into an argument after which he treats me okay for a few days. Most of the times he needs his space and does not keep in touch or try to make plans for us to hang out. Despite being in a relationship I feel like I am alone and have no support from him whenever I need it.

I am always around for him and I know that I have made myself too available, but I really love this guy and really want things to work between us.

He is generally the sort of person who is emotionally distant and needs space while I am exactly the opposite.

Is this doomed or should I push through the terrible phase that we have right now and hope for things to get better?

 

Two things sort of concern me about your situation. First, you end your post with "pushing through this 'phase.'" 6 Months in, you should not be having the feelings you're having, nor the anxiety you're having. Major signs of what's to come/remain in the future. Second, you mention love. How long have you known one another? I'd like to think the honeymoon phase lasts longer than 6 months. As well, I'd like to think "LOVE" takes longer than 6 months of getting to know/dating/being with someone to grow into something as serious as love.

 

6 Months in, if arguments are what you're getting when trying to communicate your issues, it may be time to get out while things are relatively fresh (6mo 6yr)

[dave_1966]

Well, to be honest, if he's young and taking important exams that will affect his future you're of secondary importance in the scheme of things. Why not wait until after the exams and see what things are like then?

[nutbrownhare]

He is generally the sort of person who is emotionally distant and needs space while I am exactly the opposite.

Is this doomed or should I push through the terrible phase that we have right now and hope for things to get better?

 

The scenario you describe, where one partner is distant and the other pursues, is sadly very common - and is the most common type of long-term, unhappy relationship. The more you push, the more distant he's going to become, the more you'll push... and so on. He'll also blame you for being clingy and demanding, and not look at his own lack of availability. Sure, he's very busy with working and studying right now - but it's still possible to keep in touch and stay loving even if you're miles away.

 

You may fare a bit better if you get out and about more without him, go out with other friends and carry on with your hobbies and interests; this will stop the feelings of loneliness and let you become more rounded as a person. However, feeling alone and unsupported whilst being in a relationship with someone like this is par for the course - because, in a meaningful sense, that's what you are.

 

So, to sum up... no, it's not doomed. It could go on for years and years, with you getting increasingly unhappy. But you can be fairly sure it won't get better. It's all down to attachment styles; more here: / and [url="

 

P.S. My ex-husband liked to keep his distance; he had been a friend for years before we started a relationship, and we got married far too soon. After a few months, he'd be out every single night during the week with his friends, and would ignore me at weekends while he got on with his own interests. I used to lecture him that we'd drift apart if he didn't put in more effort, but he regarded that as me wanting too much control. In the end I got fed up and left; that was in 1983. To this day he still tries to rekindle the relationship from time to time (Ha! Frankly I'd sooner chew my own arm off!), which I read as his way of maintaining an emotional distance from his current wife. These characters do not make good partners.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it is not a "terrible phase" it's just the way he is becoming. Are you sure you are still in a relationship? How long has he been fading out like this and avoiding you? Sadly, it sounds like you are chasing an uninterested guy. Is he dating others?

 

Have you read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? It may have some insight into recognizing the time wasters vs the interested ones.

I am not happy in the relationship. he has had no time for me. and does not keep in touch or try to make plans for us to hang out.

...same guy?...