Coping with life not going in right direction. [mostly rant]

[Wolfshook]

Idk where to start but my life is going to fail miserabely and I see no light at the end of this tunnel.

 

Last year I started my college. Person close to me was diagnosed cancer and I kind of let that bug me out,even though I did not want to admit it at first. Well I failed few subjects and decided to take them this year.

 

Few weeks before my first exams started my ex left me. I was unable to cope with it all and it made me fail those exams. Well about at that time I found myself a job and since I liked it I took more hours which in turn took my time off of college. I messed up badly. Now I'm faced with my last try at exams and I believe I'm going to fail them.

 

If I fail this time I'm faced with most of my life being miserable. Wages in my country are low,jobs are mostly dead end and way over allowed working hours. With average wage (and most people in my region get below average wage) you are unable to even get your own apartment. Going out of my country is also not an option since I have nowhere to go.

 

It all just seems that no matter how I turn this situation there is no good ending.

 

I know that the only person I can blame is myself,and that is the worst part of it.

 

How did your life play out? Did you go into college and are you happy with your decision?

[Hermes]

Wolfshook.

 

Quit the fortune-telling! None of us know what the future will bring, nor can we foretell the future. Believe me on this one.

 

So no catastrophising or futurising please!

 

Stop telling yourself you are going to fail those exams. And even if you do for some reason fail, well, then sit the exams (or other exams) again.

 

Yes, many years ago I went to college (uni). Life takes so many twists and turns, most of them unexpected, that it is just as well we cannot foretell the future.

[Matt3939]

Everyone has hard times I know it's easy to say but it's true. Won't even go into my story cause believe me most have it much worse off. Concentrate on what you can control. Make realistic goals. Don't beat yourself up if you don't make them. You can't control certain things in life stuff happens. You will get thru it.

[Scoe141]

I believe if you ask any of us on this forum if we would change some of the decisions we've made, most of us would probably say yes. Have you ever played that game "choose your own adventure"? or a video game (i.e. Witcher) where you have to make decisions with certain major events having a significant impact on the outcome?

 

For example, what you choose for breakfast, or how you do in one test, more than likely won't have a significant impact on your life.

 

However, choosing where you go to college, breaking up with a serious girlfriend, taking a new job etc. will all more than likely affect your life. Will it affect that later part? Perhaps, perhaps not.

 

That being said, looking back on the decisions that I personally made may not have always been the best choice. However, hindsight is always 20/20. Would I change somethings? Sure. But I don't know what that road would have looked like, so I can't question everything. I know the road that I'm on and it's been great so far. Simply put, I made decisions and now I have to own them. (both good and bad)

 

You can't despair. Unfortunately life isn't all sunshine and rainbows. I firmly believe that the pain and suffering we experience only strengthens us. Sure we may feel beat down at times, but you have to press on. Failing a test, losing a friend, break ups they're all part of life.

 

Don't focus on the bad, but the good. You failed a test? Be grateful you're in college! Lost a friend? Cherish their friendship. Broke up with a girl? Good! Someone better is around the corner.

 

Stay positive. Focus on the good. There's plenty of it.

 

You're not alone friend!

[moodindigo91]

Hey man,

 

Don't be so down on yourself. I know life seems pretty crappy sometimes, and you've been through a lot. Your "failures" were circumstantial, just coming at times when you were grieving or coping with a negative situation in your life that was beyond your control. Everything else you said was also circumstantial, you are just speaking in generalizations! It's never too late to get things back on track, and college may not even be the route for you. When I moved from one of the cheapest parts of the US to the most expensive, I was down just like you.

 

My first job was a $9/hour crapshow of a job which I quit. I crashed my car within a few months of living here, got stuck with enormous ER bills that ruined my credit, landed a good paying job that I hated and got laid off, landed another job that I hated and got laid off from that one, too (actually my boss decided to just shut down the company... start ups...) then I turned aside from my shame for a moment and took advantage of the unemployment program while I worked part-time for cash at a local bakery. Not to mention during all of this I was struggling in a negative and codependent relationship that made me feel worthless. It wasn't until months later that I finally landed the job I have now, which I love!

 

I did go to college, but I went to study what I loved instead of what was practical. I got my degree in Classical Studies, which it turns out is a very useless degree in the real world. Half the people who interviewed me didn't even know what Classical Studies was, and probably disliked me very much when I had to explain to them what an entire genre of study was... this caused me to get passed up for many good paying jobs that I seriously hoped for because other people had more practical degrees (so they think... they have no idea the skills I've learned in my major they just don't know what it is and therefore didn't hire me).

 

So I guess the lesson is, college is not the ONLY path. There are technical schools, internships, and a slough of other options you should look into. Think about what you really want to do, and find a way to do it. You are strong. You have made it this far, facing some pretty rough hardships along the way. Just keep trucking! Stay focused on you.

[gebaird]

I got a college education and it was helpful, but my real education began when I graduated and learned what matters most in life:

 

1) The way I see the world is the way it will be. If I see the world as a negative, awful place where tragedy can strike at any time, that's what it will be. If I see brightness and beauty and the growth that can come from adversity, it will inform and change my experience

 

2) I can make the most of my circumstances, whatever they may be

 

3) I can find inner peace in the midst of outer chaos

 

4) I can love people and show them kindness no matter what my economic or personal circumstances may be

 

Trust yourself. Trust your abilities. Trust that you'll be given the answers you need when you need them. Live in the present instead of fearing the future.

[LiamLondon]

Last year I started my college. Person close to me was diagnosed cancer and I kind of let that bug me out,even though I did not want to admit it at first. Well I failed few subjects and decided to take them this year.

 

Few weeks before my first exams started my ex left me. I was unable to cope with it all and it made me fail those exams.

 

Firstly stop prophesising. And don't just stop predicting the negative but also don't change the image in your cystal ball to positive for no reason. Smash that crystal ball and do it properly.

 

Passing exams and talent for a course are not the same thing and there are always lecturers that give very similar exams to years previous and you can prepare for questions that come up a lot. Partner up with a good exam taker or study group that knows the ropes. Even if lecturers vary it a bit, this approach is 75% of the battle in most colleges and it will help to go in feeling confident you can grab marks when particular questions come up.

 

Also NOTHING "makes" you fail exams. You will have to take stock. I've been to college with people that failed a year but did well thereafter. Now to be fair one of the guys I am talking about had similar issues to you. BUT and this a huge but he wasn't even close to failing the next year. Not even within a parsec. In fact he got 90%+ in ALL exams having failed exams the previous year. But one thing he told me that he realised was that these issues happen at random a lot so he had to learn to accept them and move on.

 

Be honest with yourself - usually when people fail at a subject when they are actually good at it is due to poor organisation e.g. people that moved into apartments where they had little peace and quiet, people that got far too involved with a society (e.g. one classmate was president of a charity) or took up a tough part time job etc etc. This is stuff that is VERY easy to fix and the uptick in marks is always evident once they made the right decision.

 

If you really are going to fail again 1 year after all this turbulence, this suggests you may be doing the wrong degree. Take stock and consider another path. Also how much of an option is it to do something else? I've known people to switch degrees after failing and because the degree they switched into wasn't as hard as the previous one they were simply moved onto the next year.

 

Going out of my country is also not an option since I have nowhere to go.

 

?!!!???!!! Are you in North Korea? Or is there a Star Trek style forcefield around your home country that doesn't allow transportation? Because that is the only way this makes any sense. The thing that makes me laugh about Brexit is that not being in the EU has NOT stopped people from outside the EU entering the UK, for heaven's sake!

 

Also, word of warning, even if you do pass and get a degree and went for jobs in countries that are doing better, remember that it is not the 1980s. You have to really get it across that you can hit the ground running to get a job that uses your degree and that you are quite good at it aswell as understand your function in the business. It's not that there is competition but that employers want high standards. Failed exams are not a worry within themselves (I've hired some quants that failed a year in college) but the brittleness that you appear to have is a MAJOR worry. You need to kill that otherwise any employer with any perception will not hire you as it is very easy to expose your soft core with a few curve balls. And I cannot blame them - if you cannot handle a break-up how are you going to handle pressures of full time work e.g. clients pulling out of deals and putting your job on the line, teams restructuring, 3 months worth of work being rendered meaningless by sudden changes in the economy etc etc? Just because a job isn't dead end or even if it is 9-5ish doesn't mean it is easy or that your are in that career for life, believe you me.

 

One final thing - leave out that bit at the end with the phrase "mostly rant". It is a redundant phrase and it is for us to judge if it is a rant or not, not you. It only serves to show weakness and can attract some idiotic comments (albeit the comments here are pretty good).

 

You may need some personal development training to learn these little things on how to come across. I often evaluate speeches in a local public speaking club where I always tell speakers to try to not comment lucidly on mistakes they just made. Look at any good public speaker on TV - even the best of them make ums arrs and all sorts of errors all the time. But they rarely get apologetic or lucid and even if they do, it is usually done in a very slick way that doesn't overshadow the rest of the speech which is usually smooth.

 

Another thing you will find is that people won't get away with sniping or nasty comments as much. Before I joined up anybody that wanted to snipe could just look for these self deprecating comments and feast on them and people around them would agree. Nowadays to get at me people like that need to pick up on minute things like mispronouncing a syllable of a word, which is a hell of a lot more transparent and exposes them as an arsehole and they come worst off. Think about it before going into doom and gloom as many things like Toastmasters meetings are free to go to.

[Wolfshook]

I wrote it in a moment when I was down.

 

I realized there are big differences between US colleges and colleges in my country. Anyway,currently I have no student loans (they are not even a thing in my country). This is my last chance of finishing college where I do not have to pay the college (so I cant retake subjects any more). I can return at any time if I want to pay.

 

Out of 50 people that started with me,around 30 got out at the first year. About 10 of us are doing subjects from first year+second and 10 do only second.

 

For the past year I've been working with people a lot,so I learned how to deal with people giving up in the middle of signing contract,etc. And it doesnt really bother me that much.

 

I just wrote everything in a moment of despair, I really felt down. Thank you for your time people

[Ms Darcy]

I know that the only person I can blame is myself,and that is the worst part of it.

 

How did your life play out? Did you go into college and are you happy with your decision?

 

I went to college (LOVED IT) and grad school. After my husband and I get more financially stable, I plan to go back for my PhD.

 

In my field, you can't get anywhere without a masters or some sort of graduate degree. So, of course college was the right choice. I happened to love it (made my best friends there other than my husband).

 

How did my life play out? It's still playing out. Still moving forward in my career.

 

I have had plenty of stumbles and regrets. The difference to me is that I think it's about responsibility and not self-blame.

 

Just not studying and failing is just quitting. Most colleges are really really great about being supportive (when you can show the things you say have happened actually happened.) You could take a leave of absence, for example.

 

Unfortunately, economics aren't kind to folks without college degrees, for the most part. The ones who succeed are incredibly self-motivated and work very very hard.

 

Perhaps you can work with a guidance counselor who can help you think through some better decisions. This is your life. Own it. Be responsible for your success.