Ex gf

[Jdanger]

Hi there,

 

I was with my ex gf for a year and a half and about a month ago we had a huge argument which ended up in us breaking up. We didn't speak for 3 weeks but eventually I managed to get through to her and meet up a couple of times. I still love her to bits and can't get her out my mind, iv told her I'm sorry and that I didn't mean the things I said but she doesent seem like she wants to forgive me.

 

I think the world of her and just see her in my future every time I think of her. Thing is she's jetting of to America today for 2 weeks and I'm finding it so difficult! I know it's only 2 weeks but I can't stop imaging her with someone else, it hurts a lot.

 

Can anyone suggest how to deal with her being away and missing her? Like I want to talk to her but I'm thinking I should just go no contact and let her just get on with the holiday and talk to her when she's back?

 

All I'm gonna be doing is working and missing her like mad, and she's gonna be having the time of her life! Everything just seems incredibly dull at the moment it's very depressing.

 

Any advice will be appreciated

 

Thanks

[Wiseman2]

What was the argument about? Yes go and stay no contact, it will help you heal and give her space. If she wants to forgive you and reconcile she'll contact you, right?

we had a huge argument which ended up in us breaking up. We didn't speak for 3 weeks but eventually I managed to get through to her and meet up a couple of times. she doesent seem like she wants to forgive me.

Same girl?

[Jdanger]

Long story, trust issues basically, I don't think she can trust me even though iv told her plenty of times she can! I said a lot of things I didnt mean, and she believes I meant it which I didn't.

 

Yes that's true, Im not friends with her on anything appart from being able to contact her via whatsapp. I mean she said she will message me when she lands and I'm thinking I won't reply, which will hopefully get her wondering? Is this a good idea?

 

Yes same girl, but people aren't replying so I made another thread just to help mensure get through.

 

Thanks

[Wiseman2]

Try not to orbit in the friendzone, let this cool off. No contact is for that purpose not to win her back.

she said she will message me when she lands and I'm thinking I won't reply, which will hopefully get her wondering?

[nihongo]

It seems like you just want her to flip a switch and she'll trust you again. You have to find ways to show her that she can trust you. You didn't answer my question in the other thread - what have you been doing to control your anger/depression issues and improve the relationship? It seems like you are not doing anything which will only doom your relationship if she wants to reconcile.

[Jdanger]

I no she will find it very difficult to trust me, as this is not the first time we have split up.

 

And to control my issues iv actually had counciling over the last year or two, and I do take medication. Thing is she doesn't realise that because of my issues is what probably causes us to have arguments because my moods up and down all the time. This makes it hard because sometimes she thinks I use it as an excuse but in fact I really don't. If I didn't have these issues we would still be together I would imagine.

 

Anyway she's in America now so I'm trying to just get on with the next couple of weeks and hopefully she will Spk to me again when she's home.

 

Shall I just delete her number and not speak to her until she's home? That way the no contact rule may work in my favour?

 

Thanks

[nihongo]

Yes, but I don't think it will work in your favor because you are still not getting it. Why does she wanna come home to contact the same guy who hasn't changed? Counseling a year or two ago is not gonna cut it.

[Jdanger]

Well I have change dramatically since last year, my anger is better and my moods are better to. I just want to know how to get her back in my life, she's told me she still loves me, so that must mean there is still a chance of getting her back??

[Wiseman2]

Unless she is specifically contacting you to reconcile, then she doesn't believe you have changed, doesn't want to go back to moods and anger and does not want you try again to see if you did in fact change or it's just empty promises.

 

Let her contact you and lay back from this.

Well I have change dramatically since last year, my anger is better and my moods are better to. I just want to know how to get her back in my life, she's told me she still loves me, so that must mean there is still a chance of getting her back??

[Jdanger]

OK, well she knows how I feel, and I know she's still loves me. She's home in a week, but i am finding it incredibly hard as I'm missing her so much. I'm trying to concentrate on myself, going to the gym, working, friends etc..., but she is still at the front on my brain! Can anyone give some advice on how to get over thoughts of her sleeping/seeing someone else, as that's what really messes with me?

Thanks