Someone please help me :(

[KC1996]

I will try and cut a long story short. Me (F20) my ex(M23) we met when I was 14 years old so yes there is a long history with us for years we were on/off he was with another girl then me bla bla! In the end he moved away for a year and a half too change (3 years ago) but yes he actually changed. He moved back we got back together and was together in a happy steady relationship for almost 2 years until Saturday it all came crashing down. Worst day of my life I'm am 100% devastated didn't think this day would ever come.

 

Anyway I'll get to the point.. He broke up with me after a week of us not seeing eachother all the time (our relationship was full on for our age, spent 24/7 together). He pretty much said he doesn't feel like the same person he once was and wants to be able to go off and travel and live his life as a 23 year old. I totally understand that but since the break up we've been texting everyday and have slept together twice and it's really passionate. He tells me he loves me so much and misses me?? We've both downloaded snap chat again and have each other on there. Today he got really funny with me over me adding snap chat story's saying I should delete him and crack on with other guys cause that's obviously want I want to do bla bla! But he knows that's not what I want? Is he being jealous? What is he thinking? I'm really confused I love him I just don't understand this situation we've got ourselves into? Anyone with some info/advice that can help a girl out?

[reinventmyself]

If I am reading this correctly he's demoted you from girlfriend to fwb and you are going along with it hoping it's something more.

His comment about you going out could be that of him encouraging you to do so.

In any event, it's a mixed message and that's not ok.

Sit him down and get some clarification so you can make an informed decision in your best interest.

Don't play around in the grey zone or you are likely to get burned.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this, but at least he is being honest with you about needing to spread his wings. It sounds like he still cares for you but needs his freedom. However if it hurts or confuses you go no contact and don't get into a fwb/hookup situation.

He pretty much said he doesn't feel like the same person he once was and wants to be able to go off and travel and live his life as a 23 year old. since the break up we've been texting everyday and have slept together twice

[ThatwasThen]

I will try and cut a long story short. Me (F20) my ex(M23) we met when I was 14 years old so yes there is a long history with us for years we were on/off he was with another girl then me bla bla! In the end he moved away for a year and a half too change (3 years ago) but yes he actually changed. He moved back we got back together and was together in a happy steady relationship for almost 2 years until Saturday it all came crashing down. Worst day of my life I'm am 100% devastated didn't think this day would ever come.

 

Anyway I'll get to the point.. He broke up with me after a week of us not seeing eachother all the time (our relationship was full on for our age, spent 24/7 together). He pretty much said he doesn't feel like the same person he once was and wants to be able to go off and travel and live his life as a 23 year old. I totally understand that but since the break up we've been texting everyday and have slept together twice. We've both downloaded snap chat again and have each other on there. Today he got really funny with me over me adding snap chat story's saying I should delete him and crack on with other guys cause that's obviously want I want to do bla bla! But he knows that's not what I want? Is he being jealous? What is he thinking? I'm really confused I love him I just don't understand this situation we've got ourselves into? Anyone with some info/advice that can help a girl out?

 

He wants you to be exclusive with him while he goes about spreading his seed and answering to his lizard brain.

 

Do NOT allow him to control you while he doesn't have to answer to you. Go zero contact so that you can get over him. First text him and tell him you will not be responding to any of his contact unless it says "I made a mistake and only want to be with you."

 

If you have sex with him without commitment, you are giving him zero reason to re-establish the relationship and you'll keep yourself from being able to move on to find someone that wants it all with you.

[KC1996]

Thank you all for replying so soon just reading get back to you in a second

[KC1996]

Sorry to hear this, but at least he is being honest with you about needing to spread his wings. It sounds like he still cares for you but needs his freedom. However if it hurts or confuses you go no contact and don't get into a fwb/hookup situation.

 

Thank you for your reply! Nice to know people actually care to give advice this forum was a long shot never done this before! Really the hook up situation was down to me? I guess I've done bad here

[KC1996]

He wants you to be exclusive with him while he goes about spreading his seed and answering to his lizard brain.

 

Do NOT allow him to control you while he doesn't have to answer to you. Go zero contact so that you can get over him. First text him and tell him you will not be responding to any of his contact unless it says "I made a mistake and only want to be with you."

 

If you have sex with him without commitment, you are giving him zero reason to re-establish the relationship and you'll keep yourself from being able to move on to find someone that wants it all with you.

 

Thanks for your replying! I guess your right? I'm finding it so hard because I'm such a yes person always would bend over backwards for him which makes this break up hard!

[KC1996]

If I am reading this correctly he's demoted you from girlfriend to fwb and you are going along with it hoping it's something more.

His comment about you going out could be that of him encouraging you to do so.

In any event, it's a mixed message and that's not ok.

Sit him down and get some clarification so you can make an informed decision in your best interest.

Don't play around in the grey zone or you are likely to get burned.

 

Hi thank you for your reply. The sex thing was actually my idea, and by everyone's reaction that was a bad move? It's just that thing of feeling like you need someone and them being there. When I have spoken to him he uses the typical line it's not you, it's me? Very confusing when he says I miss you, will always love you and be here for you?

[boltnrun]

Who's bending over backwards for you? Is he?

[ThatwasThen]

Thanks for your replying! I guess your right? I'm finding it so hard because I'm such a yes person always would bend over backwards for him which makes this break up hard!

 

Look at it this way: You're young and this now gives you an opportunity to spread your own wings. You've been with this guy since before it was legal to be with him. Take this time of ZERO CONTACT with him to heal, make new friends, do new things, even love new men. If you were meant to be with him for a LIFE time, you will find each other again when you've both had a chance to be single. (don't hold out on any opportunities hoping for that though... doing that will just stagnate you from actually being able to move on).

 

Feel better soon... and, you will if you keep busy doing things you always wanted to do but haven't yet done, by spending time with good friends and loving family and by setting and reaching life goals.

[KC1996]

Who's bending over backwards for you? Is he?

 

Hmm very good point

[KC1996]

Look at it this way: You're young and this now gives you an opportunity to spread your own wings. You've been with this guy since before it was legal to be with him. Take this time of ZERO CONTACT with him to heal, make new friends, do new things, even love new men. If you were meant to be with him for a LIFE time, you will find each other again when you've both had a chance to be single. (don't hold out on any opportunities hoping for that though... doing that will just stagnate you from actually being able to move on).

 

Feel better soon... and, you will if you keep busy doing things you always wanted to do but haven't yet done, by spending time with good friends and loving family and by setting and reaching life goals.

 

Yeah your right! Doesn't seem as simple as that right now x thank you

[HeartGoesOn]

When I have spoken to him he uses the typical line it's not you, it's me? Very confusing when he says I miss you, will always love you and be here for you?

 

Since his actions don't match his words, it's not all confusing. What this boils down to is, you're selling yourself at a cheap price and he's running with it.

 

In short, if he doesn't want your heart, he doesn't deserve your body.

[Hollyj]

You are helping him move on to someone else. Why are you giving this guy the benefit of a relationship, without the commitment? Not smart!

 

You need t0 go full on NC. He is stringing you along and using you, until he finds the next girl.

[KC1996]

Since his actions don't match his words, it's not all confusing. What this boils down to is, you're selling yourself at a cheap price and he's running with it.

 

In short, if he doesn't want your heart, he doesn't deserve your body.

 

Well yes I have questioned that? If you don't want me why are you missing me? But in the other sense you do want me? It's so confusing this is my first ever break up? I say was was together before it was never anything serious (said we was together but was young and didn't really know what love is was) it's hard having someone in your life for so long and knowing they won't be soon. I don't know how to get passed it

[Hollyj]

Well yes I have questioned that? If you don't want me why are you missing me? But in the other sense you do want me? It's so confusing this is my first ever break up? I say was was together before it was never anything serious (said we was together but was young and didn't really know what love is was) it's hard having someone in your life for so long and knowing they won't be soon. I don't know how to get passed it

 

Not confusing at all. He does this to keep you attached. He does not want to give up the sex or attention, but it also frees him to be with other girls.

[KC1996]

You are helping him move on to someone else. Why are you giving this guy the benefit of a relationship, without the commitment? Not smart!

 

You need t0 go full on NC. He is stringing you along and using you, until he finds the next girl.

 

Well when you put it like that, makes me think! How do I forget this relationship

[ThatwasThen]

Yeah your right! Doesn't seem as simple as that right now x thank you

 

It's a process, luv. It will get easier everyday but DO go zero contact. Right now he's able to see and be sexual with any opportunity that comes his way while having ole faithful (you) to fall back on for sex when he's going through a dry spell. That doesn't sound so great when you see it in writing does it? Casual sex is one thing but having it with someone who has broken up with you, which keeps you mired in your longing, is perpetually painful rather then just going through the cold turkey withdrawl of zero contact.

[reinventmyself]

I don't know how to get passed it

You just do. It's hard, but you survive and if you're open, you'll learn from it.

And it's ok if he misses you. It's not the same as wanting to be with you.

We often miss our ex's, even if it's our decision to leave.

[Hollyj]

Well when you put it like that, makes me think! How do I forget this relationship

 

The most important thing, is to go full on NC. Delete the contact info, and tell your friends not to bring him up. Next, you get super busy with activities and friends. Only time will help you heal, and don't try to jump into another relationship. Not fair to treat someone as a rebound.

[KC1996]

It's a process, luv. It will get easier everyday but DO go zero contact. Right now he's able to see and be sexual with any opportunity that comes his way while having ole faithful (you) to fall back on for sex when he's going through a dry spell. That doesn't sound so great when you see it in writing does it? Casual sex is one thing but having it with someone who has broken up with you, which keeps you mired in your longing, is perpetually painful rather then just going through the cold turkey withdrawl of zero contact.

 

No it doesn't sound great when it's in writing makes you see the real reality of it really. Stupid mistake I made to be honest

[Hollyj]

No it doesn't sound great when it's in writing makes you see the real reality of it really. Stupid mistake I made to be honest

 

You've done what many of us have done. The good thing: you came here early, so you can nip it in the bud.

[melancholy123]

He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Please wake up and see that you are being used for sex and he plans to go travel or do whatever he likes. You can do better.

[KC1996]

You've done what many of us have done. The good thing: you came here early, so you can nip it in the bud.

 

Very true. Thanks!

[KC1996]

He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Please wake up and see that you are being used for sex and he plans to go travel or do whatever he likes. You can do better.

 

Yeah your right! Need to start thinking of me rather than what if it's still early days only on day 4. Advice from people who don't know you actually helps you realise