Would you consider this flirting?

[hrat791]

So online, I have a group a friends. Sometimes those friends bring other friends into our group that we haven't met before, so we can talk to new people once in a while. Well, one day when my wife wasn't online with me, I was talking to our normal group of friends. There was this new girl there, that I (nor my wife) have never met before. She seemed nice at first, but it started to get odd after a little while. She started complimenting my voice, saying things like "I don't like you, but I like your voice." - She started talking to me more and more, but I kept ignoring her (or barely responding). She then would say out loud in front of me, "I don't think he (referring to me in 3rd person) likes me, he is ignoring me." - This seemed like an attempt for attention. Some of my other friends even pointed out to me privately that they thought it was slightly weird she was acting like this, especially for not knowing me at all.

 

There is a part 2 to this story, but I first want to ask if you'd consider this "flirting"?

 

EDIT: For part 2, scroll down to post #6

[Batya33]

I don't think it matters since she clearly is behaving in an inappropriate/needy way so I would stay away from her regardless of whether she meant it romantically or otherwise.

[hrat791]

I don't think it matters since she clearly is behaving in an inappropriate/needy way so I would stay away from her regardless of whether she meant it romantically or otherwise.

 

I actually agree. Because despite how she "intended" to come off, my wife and I think it is inappropriate. But I was just curious, as a first impression, how would most people think she is acting. The part 2 of the story explains "why it matters".

[Wiseman2]

Yes, it sounds like flirting/looking for male attention. Kinda weird way to go about it...don't you think?

She started complimenting my voice, saying things like "I don't like you, but I like your voice." - She then would say out loud in front of me, "I don't think he (referring to me in 3rd person) likes me, he is ignoring me." . if you'd consider this "flirting"?

[hrat791]

Yes, it sounds like flirting/looking for male attention. Kinda weird way to go about it...don't you think?

 

Yes, I thought so. But I guess let me write part 2 of the story, so I can ask another question in regards to her "intent".

[hrat791]

Part 2: My wife is close friends with Julie. Julie is the one who brought her friend around, and her friend's name is Maria. Now, Maria is the one that I thought was acting slightly flirtatious, and so I brought this up with my wife to ask her what her thoughts were on it. And she didn't like that Maria said those things about my voice, and from what I was saying, she thought she was seeking attention. So my wife, from the beginning, didn't like the impression Maria was giving off. And this started to cause problems between my wife and Julie, because Maria started to become Julie's close friend as well.

 

After my wife talked to Julie about her friend's (Maria) actions, she said she would talk to Maria and try to clear things up. Well, things kind of got lost and some months past by, and then it was brought up against last night. We ended up all going into Skype together (me, my wife, julie and maria). Maria acted like she didn't even remember who I was. She said that if she came off that way, she didn't mean to and that this is how she acts with everyone she first meets because she is overly nice and doesn't want to create any bad blood. Although I didn't believe her, me and my wife gave her the benefit of the doubt and just explained to not do that again in the future if we are all hanging out together.

 

Is it normal for women (from other cultures) to act overly nice to married men? Also, apparently at the time when this happened, she was "happily" engaged to her NOW ex-boyfriend. In my opinion, it is now obvious she wasn't happy and was seeking attention elsewhere from anywhere she could get it, even if the person married. I could be wrong, but that is part 2 of the story. I may be leaving out some details, but that's the gist of it.

[moodindigo91]

She sounds like a needy psycho. She thinks that this is going to attract you to her for some reason when really it just seems like she's making situations awkward.

[Wiseman2]

Lol it's common for attention seeking women form Any culture to do this. What culture is she? Can you just ignore her/be cordial from now on so as not to upset your wife?

Is it normal for women (from other cultures) to act overly nice to married men?

[charity]

Talk about turning a mountain into a molehill. Some Women will flirt with married men..some of it is malicious, some of it is just the way a woman will behave around ANY man is she likes attention. As long as you didn't respend all is ok. Telling your wife, telling the friend, friend telling the flirty woman and then all of you meeting up on skype to talk about this is.....well, needless drama in my opinion.

[hrat791]

She sounds like a needy psycho. She thinks that this is going to attract you to her for some reason when really it just seems like she's making situations awkward.

 

Yeah, it did get a bit awkward sometimes.

 

Lol it's common for attention seeking women form Any culture to do this. What culture is she? Can you just ignore her/be cordial from now on so as not to upset your wife?

 

She's from europe. And yes, I don't even want her around because I don't like her and I think she's dishonest. But yeah, if she does come around, I'll most likely ignore her.

[hrat791]

Talk about turning a mountain into a molehill. Some Women will flirt with married men..some of it is malicious, some of it is just the way a woman will behave around ANY man is she likes attention. As long as you didn't respend all is ok. Telling your wife, telling the friend, friend telling the flirty woman and then all of you meeting up on skype to talk about this is.....well, needless drama in my opinion.

 

Not sure if you read part 2. It needed to be brought up, because my wife is really close friends with Julie. Julie has started to become closer friends with Maria, and since Maria had said those things to me (when my wife wasn't around), my wife didn't have a good impression of her. And since my wife likes to hang out with Julie, she wanted to be OK and clear things up with Maria. Because essentially any time my wife asks Julie to hang out, Maria is there with her, so it needed to be addressed (IMO). If you were in the same position as my wife, would you have just let it go and never bring it up at all and essentially pretend it didn't happen? And if it happened again, just address it then, or let it go again?

 

I originally didn't bring up anything to my wife, it was one of my friends who was there noticed it was weird how attention seeking Maria was being toward me, and so I then brought it up with my wife. Even if I didn't tell my wife, she was going to find out any way, as you know how things spread among friends.

[tigerkitty]

Why do you and your wife sit on Skype talking to people and not finding/hanging out with these or other people in real life? It sounds like a bunch of unnecessary e-drama to me. You should have just made it clear to Maria that you're a happily married man and ignored her from then on. You and your wife are paying far too much attention to this and over-thinking it, even keeping track of this woman's love life? Who cares if she's engaged or single? Enjoy your marriage and ignore random online women!

[charity]

Not sure if you read part 2. If you were in the same position as my wife, would you have just let it go and never bring it up at all and essentially pretend it didn't happen? And if it happened again, just address it then, or let it go again?

 

.

 

Yes I read part 2. Yes I would have let it go. As long as YOU responded appropriately all is well. Now if it got to the point where Maria was being highly suggestive then I may have a different tactic but not light flirting.

[hrat791]

Why do you and your wife sit on Skype talking to people and not finding/hanging out with these or other people in real life? It sounds like a bunch of unnecessary e-drama to me. You should have just made it clear to Maria that you're a happily married man and ignored her from then on. You and your wife are paying far too much attention to this and over-thinking it, even keeping track of this woman's love life? Who cares if she's engaged or single? Enjoy your marriage and ignore random online women!

 

We hang out with people in real life, as well as talk to friends that we have in other countries. There's no limit of how close you can be with someone, whether they are online or in person. If this happened in person, we would probably talk about it as well.

 

Again, this had to do with the fact that my wife is best friends with Julie. So put yourself in the same shoes. If you had a best friend who you talked to a lot, and your best friend recently started talking to a new friend you never met. And that new friend ended up flirting (or at least, seeked attention) from your significant other, you probably wouldn't want that friend around, right? And if you didn't want that friend around, that may cause a riff between you and your best friend. Which is why they wanted to talk to us and clear the air about what happened.

[hrat791]

Yes I read part 2. Yes I would have let it go. As long as YOU responded appropriately all is well. Now if it got to the point where Maria was being highly suggestive then I may have a different tactic but not light flirting.

 

I guess that is the difference between me and my wife, versus other people. We don't think ANY amount of flirting is appropriate, while others think it is OK. To us, saying you have a nice voice is the same as saying you have a nice face. You're complementing something about someone, and when you barely know them, that is a slightly weird thing to say, especially if they are married.

 

What would Maria have to say to me for you to consider it heavy flirting, versus light flirting? Would saying "You have a sexy voice" be any different than "I like your voice."? To me, they imply the same thing in this scenario.

[Wiseman2]

Yes anything that has sexual undertones is more flirtatious.

Would saying "You have a sexy voice" be any different than "I like your voice."? To me, they imply the same thing in this scenario.

[DancingFool]

Methinks you flatter yourself too much and presume even more and have truly turned a nothing into major drama, both you and your wife.

 

The girl sounds ditzy and awkward but that's not a crime and that's about it. Your and your wife's reaction and behavior have been equally odd and over the top, so in a way you all are even on acting all weird. Talk about stirring up poop. Better let this die down fast because your overreaction is making the girl look normal by comparison.

[rayfutz]

she's trying to start drama. It could get to your wife and make her worry something is going on even if there is not (the reason this woman is saying what she is to begin with) Ive dealt with this before, could be something else but definitely sounds like a bored woman looking to stir a pot and cause drama.

[charity]

 

What would Maria have to say to me for you to consider it heavy flirting, versus light flirting? Would saying "You have a sexy voice" be any different than "I like your voice."? To me, they imply the same thing in this scenario.

 

Totally different. One is a light flirt, the other one is sexually suggestive at the extreme end of flirting. The first type I've seen people go into that mode without any intention at all, it's a man/woman thing. The other has WHOA written all over it (if you're married).

[HeartGoesOn]

I find it very suspicious that you're putting so much thought into what she meant. There's a possibility she was hitting on you, but it's a moot point since you're married...Right?

[hrat791]

Methinks you flatter yourself too much and presume even more and have truly turned a nothing into major drama, both you and your wife.

 

The girl sounds ditzy and awkward but that's not a crime and that's about it. Your and your wife's reaction and behavior have been equally odd and over the top, so in a way you all are even on acting all weird. Talk about stirring up poop. Better let this die down fast because your overreaction is making the girl look normal by comparison.

 

It's more about the culture our society has produced. As I have asked before to my friends IRL, if a guy had said something similar to what Maria said to me, a majority of girls would think it is creepy. But when a girl does it to a guy, it's "ditsy" and "light flirting". So this is why it caused a problem when we wanted to talk about it, and how we don't find it acceptable behavior if Maria was going to hang around in the future.

 

she's trying to start drama. It could get to your wife and make her worry something is going on even if there is not (the reason this woman is saying what she is to begin with) Ive dealt with this before, could be something else but definitely sounds like a bored woman looking to stir a pot and cause drama.

 

Yeah, apparently she just came out of a 2 year failed relationship, so it definitely smells like an attention seeking type of behavior.

 

Totally different. One is a light flirt, the other one is sexually suggestive at the extreme end of flirting. The first type I've seen people go into that mode without any intention at all, it's a man/woman thing. The other has WHOA written all over it (if you're married).

 

Sure, it may be more "extreme" by adding an adjective, but the core concept still remains the same (flirting). In my opinion, as I stated before, it wouldn't make a difference if she said I have a nice set of eyes, a nice voice, a nice face, or a nice body. They are all the same amount of flirting, but again, do you hold the same standard in the reverse. If a guy would have said the same thing to a girl, would you still consider it light flirting? Most people I ask say no, and that it is almost "creepy" or "weird" at some point.

[hrat791]

I find it very suspicious that you're putting so much thought into what she meant. There's a possibility she was hitting on you, but it's a moot point since you're married...Right?

 

I have no interest in her, but my wife and I like to talk about essentially everything and how it will affect people (or us) in the future. I feel it is better to talk things out, despite them sometimes being trivial, because sometimes trivial things can turn into an unnecessary confusion that could have been cleared up with a quick chat.

[DancingFool]

Dude....seriously.....stop flattering yourself at her expense.....

 

And the gender thing.....smh.....you do know women get compliments all the time and no, on the planet I live on it's not a bad thing and certainly isn't creepy. Normal response is "thanks" and then you move on and don't give it another thought. You certainly don't let it go to your head like that in either direction.

[hrat791]

Dude....seriously.....stop flattering yourself at her expense.....

 

And the gender thing.....smh.....you do know women get compliments all the time and no, on the planet I live on it's not a bad thing and certainly isn't creepy. Normal response is "thanks" and then you move on and don't give it another thought. You certainly don't let it go to your head like that in either direction.

 

I am actually not flattering myself at all. I originally thought it was weird, but other people who were there private messaged me and also stated it was weird she was saying certain things and taking a certain tone with me. I can't care less about self flattery, this thread was about her actions and how they can be perceived by others.

 

I have talked to 10+ women, ranging from 20-60 years of age, from friends to actual family members (also in different countries). Every single one has stated that if a man talked to a woman in the same way Maria talked to me, they would think it's odd and slightly creepy. Considering the person is married, and Maria KNOWS this. So maybe in your area of the world, everyone thinks it is normal, but my discussions with multiple women have proved otherwise. I am not sure why you keep coming back to me thinking I am flattering myself when I am not, and I do not care about who thinks I am attractive, other than my wife.

[katrina1980]

Why do you and your wife sit on Skype talking to people and not finding/hanging out with these or other people in real life? It sounds like a bunch of unnecessary e-drama to me. You should have just made it clear to Maria that you're a happily married man and ignored her from then on. You and your wife are paying far too much attention to this and over-thinking it, even keeping track of this woman's love life? Who cares if she's engaged or single? Enjoy your marriage and ignore random online women!

 

100% agree with this^^ and talk about making a mountain out of a molehill....and that would be your mountain OP, and no one's else's.

 

Why does any of this matter, you're married!

 

Why do you care whether or not some chick, a friend of your wife's friend, made a flirty comment to you MONTHS ago over the internet?

 

You say you don't like her, but something's not jiving. If you didn't like her, you wouldn't be giving this a second thought.

 

Again it was MONTHS ago, enjoy your marriage, and don't worry about a passing comment some chick said to you on line months ago.

 

It's of no consequence (or shouldn't be) unless you're harboring some secret crush on her (which imo it sounds like you are), in which case, since you're married, I would strongly suggest you get over.