Upset they hang out without me??

[December123]

I started working at my job about 5 months ago. for the first month or two I was really shy but still made basic conversation with everyone and made an effort to be very nice to everyone. After that I started getting into real, more personal conversations with people and started to feel a lot closer with everyone and a lot more welcome. I now feel like part of the team in some ways. I started adding people on Facebook and it really upset me seeing tonnes of pictures of them all hanging out, I just couldn't help but think why wasn't I invited? Some of the people in the pictures are new so it kinda annoys me that I've never been invited to anything after 5 months but some person who's been here a few weeks gets an invite. Could be because ; I'm shy but I don't think I am, iI'm under 18 (17) but I just think that's really cruel if that's the reason, if they care more about getting drunk off their faces than making people feel welcome. I don't live in the staff accommodation, mayhe some meet ups are spontaneous but still they could just message me or plan something at work. Because I'm a lot younger than everyone, most people are about 25ish. Maybe they don't think I'd want to, but that's a pretty stupid thing just assuming how I feel instead of just asking.

It just upsets me that they're are people at work that I get on really well with and would regard as friends yet they don't care about me enough to even invite me to a group event. It's like they are fake if they are going to act really nice at work but exclude me from everything outside of it.

Sometimes I feel like I get on better with the older ones because some of the younger ones can be really horrible at times.

What can I do about it? I know I obviously can't force them to invite me but it does feel really horrible knowing you've been excluded from things like that and knowing that your missing out.

[Gloworm]

Pick your favorite coworker and ask them to go somewhere or do such and such with you. Put yourself out there a little. YOU do the inviting. Hope it goes well.

[Gloworm]

Personally im a more one on one person than a group person.

[December123]

I am too. But no ones invited me to hang out just me and them either

[j.man]

Really, they're a decent bit older than you and, co-worker or not, having a minor around while you get smashed is kinda awkward. If they get along with you and work productively with you then you've already got more going for you than a lot of other people do. Do you have friends outside of work?

[Wiseman2]

That has a lot to do with it. Being new, the youngest and shy. Try not to take it personally, think of them as coworkers not friends. Hang out with your own friends outside of work.

I'm shy but I don't think I am, iI'm under 18 (17) but I just think that's really cruel if that's the reason, if they care more about getting drunk off their faces than making people feel welcome

[Seraphim]

Getting smashed with an underaged co worker might get them out of a job . Why not ask one person to go to a movie ?

[Clinton]

I think its your age as well. I know when i was mid teenties i wasnt hanging around teenagers. Just too big of an experience gap.

 

Dont take it personally

[Gloworm]

Perhaps you could get a different job where people dont get smashed all the time. I know my local boys and girls club is now hiring for after school youth development professionals. Is there a place where you live like that?

[December123]

UPDATE!! There are about 3 that are 18 so they aren't all way older than me

[Blue Ridge]

Are you in the US? If not, what's the legal drinking age where you live?

[December123]

It's 18 here

[Gloworm]

Oh and why hangout with those people.. They probably arent as cool as you think. Find friends who like to go to the waterpark or bowling, etc.

[Blue Ridge]

It could simply be that you are underage. You never know, perhaps they'll all take you out for your birthday (if spending your birthday drinking is something you even want to do).

[December123]

They don't just drink, I hear about them going shopping and going cycling etc as well

[December123]

true that's what I think it is. As I have said that really upsets me if the idea of getting drunk and making someone feel excluded is okay to them then I don't exactly want to be around them. I have drank before but i would rather stay in and hang out with someone than go out and get drunk and make someone upset.

[Clinton]

No offense but you sound kind of whiney. Maybe its your personality.

[December123]

look, I'll admit I'm being pretty "whiny" on here but that's only because it really upsets me that I haven't even been invited to just say going for a walk or whatever. I'm NOT whiny to anyone at work obviously, I always make conversation and I'm always nice. It upsets me but I don't show it at work

[Clinton]

Youre 17, cant drink and im guessing cant go to the places they drink? Thats enough to keep you out of the social circle.

[Wiseman2]

It's not about liking you or if you are nice. Taking it this personally makes no sense. Just hang out with your own friends outside of work.

 

It seems this only started once you added some of them on fb and started comparing things and getting upset, maybe they sense this type of immaturity?

look, I'll admit I'm being pretty "whiny" on here but that's only because it really upsets me that I haven't even been invited to just say going for a walk or whatever.

[Tanzi]

It's 18 here

 

Then that is probably why.

[December123]

It didn't only start then. They are human beings who are in the same place everyday for 7 hours at a time, it doesn't take a genius to work out that they are going to hang out outside of work so I realised before. I've always been a bit upset about not being included.

I realise it's immature but I'm sure a 40 year old who found out a bunch of people they talk to went out without them and didn't bother inviting them wouldn't exactly be jumping over the moon.

[Batya33]

It didn't only start then. They are human beings who are in the same place everyday for 7 hours at a time, it doesn't take a genius to work out that they are going to hang out outside of work so I realised before. I've always been a bit upset about not being included.

I realise it's immature but I'm sure a 40 year old who found out a bunch of people they talk to went out without them and didn't bother inviting them wouldn't exactly be jumping over the moon.

 

In some workplaces people hang out during non-working hours, and in others they don't. Depends on the work environment, where people live, their family situation, etc. I would not like being excluded either but if I knew there was an objective reason -in your case, your age - that would help me handle it without a bruised ego.

[Clinton]

I take back what I said about you sounding whiny. You are whiny. You just want to complain about this whole perceived injustice and not take any advice or consider any reasons but your own.

 

I hate to break it to you kid, but that comes across in your dealings with people no matter how nice you think you're being.

 

IT'S NOT THEM, IT'S YOU.

[Clarisse]

I was in your situation at work a few years ago. There was a group of cool, fun women that used to go to lunch together all the time. I invited my favorite co-worker in the group out to lunch. She responded, "Hey, we're all going out for lunch on Wednesday, wanna come?"

 

Voila, I was in the cool lunch clique.

 

Take matters into your own hands. It's much better than feeling victimized and excluded.