Silent treatment from Gf.

[Protoman300]

Well I think most of us are agreed that the emoji was insensitive. However, it seems you have a girlfriend who is rather high maintenance. Regardless, she is still dealing with something that is going to be upmost on her mind right now so there isn't anything you can do other than to give her space and wait for her to come to you. Try not to make this about all the other stuff right now.

 

When she reaches out to you again, and I'm sure she will, you will then have to think about dealing with all the other stuff.

 

If she does things will go from there but if not then it is what it is and it's also for the best. I guess this is one of those times where I have to focus on myself and what's going on near me.

[Gary Snyder]

She's not just high maintenance. Specifically, she's crazy.

[Protoman300]

She's not just high maintenance. Specifically, she's crazy.

 

Can't be mad. That's what she indirectly calls her self.

[Ms Darcy]

I've asked her and she said she likes to keep her business private which I respected. There's so much I can say that would take too long. I understand her being mad at me but I've invited her in the past to my family functions. For example my grandfather can no longer take care of himself. I saw him today and I wanted to text her about it then I realized she has her own issues, and she would ignore it. She never goes out or want to do anything. She said she's depressed and the doctor gave her bad news and refused to tell me what it was. I still respected her decision not to tell me. Anyway she rejects all my invites which really hurts. I don't get mad at her because she has the choice of not going anywhere, but she doesn't even put forth the effort. She dodges questions and gets mad at me so much it has built up to now. She gives me bad news after bad news, never answers the phone and bails on things she wants me to do. I've tried talking to her and it never gets anywhere. I'm not an insensitive person but I'm human too. Not bsing it I was tired of hearing bad news from her.

 

Given this, especially the lack of closeness and reciprocity in your relationship as well as the fact you're tired of hearing bad news from her ... perhaps it's time to reevaluate the relationship. Maybe this relationship isn't really right for either of you.

[thejigsup]

Sometimes I don't believe how thoughtless people can be. When my mother had her stroke, I found her. I call my brother, he was an EMT at the time, and my boyfriend. They both came flying over. My boyfriend was my rock for the next 4 months as my mother slipped away. I know you meant no harm, but that must have felt like a knife to her heart. Who gives a darn about your summer plans? Her dad had a stroke!

[Ms Darcy]

I'm so sorry so many ENAers have had similar experiences - where their parent/loved one has a fatal/near fatal health issue.

 

Perhaps this thread will teach us, it is certainly reminding me, some lessons in sensitivity and support.

[boltnrun]

She probably senses that you're "tired of hearing bad news from her".

 

Yep, that sounds really insensitive, and like you're thinking only about the fun you want to have and how her family's illnesses are interfering with your fun.

 

You know, I unfortunately had two very close family members pass away within a month of each other. I missed work due to attending the funeral services. And I got written up at work for "excessive absences". I told them that I would try to have my family members schedule their deaths more conveniently next time. Then I quit.

 

Anyway...if she truly is depressed she needs medical attention. She's not depressed "at" you, it's a medical condition that requires treatment. It takes a lot to be able to give love to a depressed person. If you're just not up to it, it may be better to end this and date someone else.

[catcountry]

Maybe I missed something but..... how sensitive can you be to a situation your SO is going through with a family member if the SO has never introduced you to the family? She kept her private life with him private. From what I gather they know nothing about him. Am I wrong here? Maybe I am but... I think there is a difference.

[catcountry]

I wasn't upset about the dinner just the timing. I was shocked. She's been dealing with family issues all summer and ironically almost a year together and I've never met anyone in her family. Not even her mom. I would love to go with her, see her family and give my wishes but I don't know anyone and it doesn't seem like she wants me to know them. She's told me she has been depressed lately and that her health is deteriorating. I cannot make her do anything she doesn't want to do. I feel so insensitive, but when I'm there actually trying to comfort her she doesn't want it and rather be independent.

 

This is what I'm talking about. How is he insensitive when she keeps him a secret?

[Protoman300]

I really sound like an butt, but it's just I never hear anything good about her family considering I've never met them. I've met one of her friends which was a very cringe worthy experience. We still had a very good time though. I don't really know why she's being this secretive about me, and apparently it makes me sensitive about caring. The night before she said I was the MOST sensitive person she knows and I need to snap out of it. I would've loved to been there for her, I felt as though her family didn't need a random guy showing up or to be introduced immediately after their family crisis. Normally we would've went to the park and walked around, to make her feel better. When she first was feeling depressed, she told me I could at least go walking with her in the mornings and call her to wake her up. We went walking one day out of three weeks. She never picked up or was "sick".

[Tanzi]

Maybe I missed something but..... how sensitive can you be to a situation your SO is going through with a family member if the SO has never introduced you to the family? She kept her private life with him private. From what I gather they know nothing about him. Am I wrong here? Maybe I am but... I think there is a difference.

 

Well there is definitely an imbalance in this relationship that sets it apart from how one would normally behave in such a situation. Regardless, she is still dealing with an emotional situation so he needs to be the bigger person here and continue to show sensitivity by leaving her be and not making this about their relationship (which, I agree, he needs to re-evaluate anyway).

[Wiseman2]

She's upset about the father's stroke right now. Stop apologizing for the emoji and text: if there's anything you can do and that you're there for her if she wants to talk.

 

Her dad had a stroke stop debating emojis.

She told me her father had a stroke and at the time I really didn't know what to say. I responded with and didn't think about how she would respond. She told me I was childish as hell and don't talk to her for the rest of the day.

[journeynow]

Sometimes words escape us, often at the most difficult of times. I don't see a sad emoji as an awful thing. My goodness, it wasn't a happy face emoji. Sure, you might have added something to express your thoughts or concerns, or called, and she may not feel supported because of that. Thus the silence. (But also, she has her hands full and mind on her father now.) I don't take a sad emoji to mean you don't care or don't want to support her. It is easy to be on edge when going through a crisis, and easy to find fault with the way others respond. It's a shame, because sometimes people ARE awkward and don't mean harm, but just do not know the best thing to do.

[Hollyj]

OP, I think you need to look at the big picture. This girl does not want to include you into her life. I think that you need to understand why you have accepted being a secret. You want someone who is proud to include you with family and friends.

 

Find another girl. You deserve much better than this. Why have you allowed this?

 

There is NO future!

[Protoman300]

I really appreciate everyone's comments. I feel really guilty. Mainly because I added on to the hurt she was already dealing with because of her dad's stroke. It's eating away at me. I know it's not all my fault because that is her father and you can't control what happens, still I feel crappy nonetheless. This relationship needs reevaluation just not now. The weirdest thing about this whole situation, even though she doesn't want to talk to me, I guarantee she's still observing me on social media.

[Protoman300]

OP, I think you need to look at the big picture. This girl does not want to include you into her life. I think that you need to understand why you have accepted being a secret. You want someone who is proud to include you with family and friends.

 

Find another girl. You deserve much better than this. Why have you allowed this?

 

There is NO future!

 

I accepted who she was and what the guys she dated before put her though that affected her personality today. Granted when she was still in college we weren't secretive about each other then or tried to hide our relationship. However, after she graduated I started seeing this side of her that was just plain out lazy. She called it being an introvert and that people who know her , knows she doesn't get out much. I just figured she's scared. Maybe she really wants to let me into her life but like how I responded to her about her dad gives her doubt. Idk she's been going through hard times and being depressed. I just wanted to be there for her and not harm her like other guys did. I tried to put myself in her shoes, yet it's not being reciprocated.

[Hollyj]

You need to stop playing counsellor and making excuses. She doesn't treat you well and keeps you a secret. If she is some sort of introvert, are you happy with that sort of future?

 

I don't understand what you get from this? Do you?!

[Protoman300]

You need to stop playing counsellor and making excuses. She doesn't treat you well and keeps you a secret. If she is some sort of introvert, are you happy with that sort of future?

 

I don't understand what you get from this? Do you?!

 

You're right. At the end of the day I'm not happy, and it's time I do something about it.

[youareworthy]

Oh dear. This is such a sad situation. I am sorry for both of you.

 

If you are not happy, and want to end it now, I suggest a slow fade. I am not one to recommend a slow fade usually, but she in a lot of pain right now, and an overt breakup from you may really undo her emotionally. Between her own depression and the stroke, and all the other recent family emergencies, she has got her hands full.

 

She is giving you no contact right now, right? I would just go with that no contact and let it sit.

 

What do you think?

[chitown9]

---

One thing that stuck out to me is that the OP made the statement that she uses the silent treatment on him quite often This was not the first time. That is not a good thing. It is a passive/aggressive way of punishing him. This does not bode well. My ex husband used the silent treatment on me. He had a narccisstic personality disorder and the silent treatment is a trait of people who have this particular disorder. That is not to say that the girlfriend has this disorder, but it is a possibility. Having been treated that way myself, I can tell you it is not fun. It is also not productive. I see this has a huge red flag. If I was the OP I would seriously consider fading out of her world. chi