Should I stand by my gf if she wants me to loose a friend?

[Wiseman2]

Why marry someone you already have so much doubt, distrust and contempt for? Is this an arranged marriage? So far she's a gold-digger, drama queen, doesn't like your other gf and the list goes on. according to you.

Oh I see. I was thinking that if she keeps bringing up complaints about me having my friend as a friend again, that I will tell her that I am not going to marry her or propose her, until she respects me.

[ironpony]

Well I was told in the previous thread about her that she is a golddigger so I am going by other people's opinions.

 

I guess I am just said cause I am in love with her, but then find out there may be more too her, and it's really hard on me.

[Tanzi]

Okay thanks. Sorry I didn't mention that about my friend before. I was concentrating too much on the situation now, and not the past back then. How is it that my past means that I am not ready for marriage? What is it about my past? Just the friend?

 

No worries.

 

You misunderstood what I meant. Whilst, I don't actually think either of you are ready for marriage as you seem to be constantly embroiled in what is akin to teenage relationship drama, I was actually referring to your gf on that particular point. Your gf is jealous of what went on with you and this friend in the past ... and that is where her problem with your friend stems from. Just more immature drama.

 

t's nothing to do with your past. It's to do with the fact that neither you nor your gf - particularly your gf - seem emotionally mature enough for marriage. All the stuff you mentioned in your thread seems like teenage drama to me.

[Wiseman2]

What do you think? That's what's important. Why rely on confirmation bias which is invariably inaccurate. It only magnifies your own sentiments, so it isn't a survey or consensus or objective..

 

If you feel you do now know her well enough don't get married, break up so you can get clarity rather than stay in the eye of the hurricane.

I was told in the previous thread about her that she is a golddigger so I am going by other people's opinions.

[Tanzi]

Well I was told in the previous thread about her that she is a golddigger so I am going by other people's opinions.

 

As I said before, you need to start making up your own mind based on what you are seeing and hearing for yourself every day. You cannot expect strangers on the internet to fully understand or appreciate your situation.

 

You MUST be able to form your own opinion.

[ironpony]

Okay thanks. It's just sometimes I feel my gf raises good points, such as why should she have a wedding with my friend who doesn't approve of her, or why should she sign a prenup, to have to prove her love and trust. I feel she sometimes may make good points, but others on here, tell me that she has a more negative agenda it seems. So I feel my own instincts may be wrong, and perhaps that is keeping me from fully making any decisions yet.

[Tanzi]

Okay thanks. It's just sometimes I feel my gf raises good points, such as why should she have a wedding with my friend who doesn't approve of her, or why should she sign a prenup, to have to prove her love and trust. I feel she sometimes may make good points, but others on here, tell me that she has a more negative agenda it seems. So I feel my own instincts may be wrong, and perhaps that is keeping me from fully making any decisions yet.

 

They could be good points or they could be invalid points depending upon the situation. The thing is, there is little point in worrying about whether or not your friend should or shouldn't go to the wedding as you aren't even engaged yet. I am assuming that marriage is a few years off yet so why not just concentrate on the relationship and forget about all the other stuff. Time changes everything ... so in a few years everything could be a whole lot different than it is now.

[ironpony]

Well my gf says that it's been 3 years and she has been waiting long enough, and it's time for me to make a decision. I do love her and want to work things out. But she says if we do not get married this year, like we planned on way before the prenup issues, then she is leaving me.

[Tanzi]

Well my gf says that it's been 3 years and she has been waiting long enough, and it's time for me to make a decision. I do love her and want to work things out. But she says if we do not get married this year, like we planned on way before the prenup issues, then she is leaving me.

 

Oh this just gets better and better. Can I ask how old you old you both are?

 

To be honest, after three years together I'm surprised you are still having these type of problems.

[ironpony]

Well the problems didn't start till later on I would say. The beginning was better in that way it seems. I just turned 32 and she is 40.

[boltnrun]

Seriously? I thought you two were maybe 22 or something with all the friend drama and squabbling.

[Tanzi]

Oh my goodness, I thought you were both a lot younger!

[Wiseman2]

Then honor your agreements or end it and stop stringing her along. It may be best to let her walk because you are too incompatible and your 'friend' will always be a source of problems in any relationships you have.

Well my gf says that it's been 3 years and she has been waiting long enough, and it's time for me to make a decision. I do love her and want to work things out. But she says if we do not get married this year, like we planned on way before the prenup issues, then she is leaving me.

[ironpony]

Okay thanks. How will my friend be a problem in every one though?

[greta96]

The only thing I agree with the girlfriend is that you need to make up your mind already, and marry her if you so desire, or break up with her so she can find someone else.

Other than that, finding out that she's 40 and still with the mindset of a high school girl is unsettling. But hey, it's not me who's marrying her, it's your life so you must live it as you see fit.

[Tanzi]

Okay thanks. How will my friend be a problem in every one though?

 

Because Wiseman thinks it's the friend you have a real thing for and that you are far too attached to her. You must have picked that up by now?

 

If you do, you need to be honest with yourself ... but if you don't then there is no need to be confused by it. You can simply disagree.

[Tanzi]

I'm sorry I keep putting "words in your mouth", Wiseman!!

[Blue Ridge]

Well my gf says that it's been 3 years and she has been waiting long enough, and it's time for me to make a decision. I do love her and want to work things out. But she says if we do not get married this year, like we planned on way before the prenup issues, then she is leaving me.

 

Really? "Marry me this year or I'm leaving?" This is not a mature person who loves being with you. I would be out so fast.

[IAmFCA]

Really? "Marry me this year or I'm leaving?" This is not a mature person who loves being with you. I would be out so fast.

 

Wow. Not the first time I have thought Wow reading this thread. Marriage entered into as a result of threat. Who wants it.

[ironpony]

Then honor your agreements or end it and stop stringing her along. It may be best to let her walk because you are too incompatible and your 'friend' will always be a source of problems in any relationships you have.

 

Well my friend is now being persued by a guy she met on facebook, who seems to like her. She showed me the picture of the guy and I noticed that it was a friend of my gfs. I thought it was kind of an odd coincidence so I asked my gf about it. My gf was surprised and asked her friend about it. She says that her friend told her, that since my gf is jealous of my friend, that he decided to try to seduce her on facebook, to get back at me. My gf was not aware that her friend would do this. How should I go about this, or what should I do? My gf does not want me to tell my friend, cause she thinks it's inappropriate to discuss personal matters with my friends. So what should I do?

 

You say my friend will be problems in any relationship I have, but since it is my gf's friend who is now trying to seduce her to get back at me, how should I view this now?

[greta96]

If I had a guess, I would say your girlfriend had that guy befriend and pursue your lady friend just to keep her busy and away from you, if not something more macabre than that. And if I'm right, your girlfriend is a psychopath. I have already been telling you that she's not right in the head, but if she did what I think she did, then she's plain certifiable.

Coincidences exist, but this is just too much of a coincidence. What are the odds of your lady friend, the one your girlfriend hates, meeting a random guy on Facebook who happens to be your girlfriend's friend?

Wow... I don't see things ending well for you, or your friends. Proceed with this sick relationship at your own risk...

[ironpony]

Well my gf said that she only told the guy friend her situation cause she was mad, and wanted a shoulder to lean on. She said it was him who took it on his own accord to start pursuing my friend, and she nothing about it, till I brought it to her attention, she said. But I am done with her. There are too many suspicions, questions, coincidences, red flags. I am DONE.

[Wiseman2]

Too many games and too much drama, again with your female friend in the center of it.

Well my friend is now being persued by a guy she met on facebook, who seems to like her. how should I view this now?

[boltnrun]

Well my gf said that she only told the guy friend her situation cause she was mad, and wanted a shoulder to lean on. She said it was him who took it on his own accord to start pursuing my friend, and she nothing about it, till I brought it to her attention, she said. But I am done with her. There are too many suspicions, questions, coincidences, red flags. I am DONE.

 

I sure hope you didn't buy this load of BS!

 

He "took it upon his own accord"??!! Yeah, OK.

 

You're right, you haven't been "happy since". It's been one drama after another and the drama will continue until YOU decide you've had enough.

[j.man]

I am DONE.

Somehow I doubt this. You should've been done eons ago.

 

Your female friend is pretty much the physical manifestation of most of us on these forums. Your relationship is just... so bad that you almost feel compelled to do something. And I'm a pretty laissez-faire guy.

 

But, really.... we all know the archetype of the guy who gets married and lives a life of getting pushed around. I think some people are just destined for it.