willdation Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Would this bug you or am I just over thinking? So this ripped guy has this picture of himself flexing with this shirt off and my gf liked the picture.....He is from austrialia and my gf had emotional affair with a guy from Australia while with her last bf... I told her it kind of bugged me and she just said that picture was an inside joke and was funny when they met...etc...etc.. Does that sound like made up or do you think she was liking the picture of that guy she had an emotional affair with before she met me?? Hmmm.... Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Not clear, Will. Is the Australian guy minus the shirt ACTUALLY the guy she had the "emotional affair" with, or .......... Link to comment
Itchy Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Who knows but the fact you know your woman has been unfaithful in the past and have chosen to ignore it is a massive gamble on your part. You are playing Russian roulette here with someone who may well do the same thing to you. Link to comment
willdation Posted June 10, 2016 Author Share Posted June 10, 2016 Yeah...Im not clear either....could just be some other Autrialian guy she met within the last year (but chances of that are kinda slim since we live in a smaller town in Europe where most people don't even speak English)....but maybe Ill just let it slide... You are right about the Russian roulette thing though....She said it was just an emotional affair, her current bf at the time was a slob, who didn't even want to sleep in same room with her etc. etc. ...and the guy moved back to Australia so nothing progressed.....she said she changed though.... We are together almost 4 months and she said she would want to get married and wants to move in together etc...so.....everything else is fine for now....but that just bugged me a bit.. Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Will. Does she have this picture pinned to the wall? Like a sort of pin-up? Is he actually "real", as in not a photographic model or something... Link to comment
willdation Posted June 10, 2016 Author Share Posted June 10, 2016 No....no pin ups...I wouldn't care about that sort of thing...Its just a guy she met last year and went out for drinks etc when he came to visit the city..... Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 I think she just thinks the pic is hot and has nothing to do with the guy...why? Because she's with You! Link to comment
willdation Posted June 10, 2016 Author Share Posted June 10, 2016 Yeah...that's what I kind of thought too....it wasn't some "inside funny joke" as she said....but she thought her guy friend looked hot....that still bugs me though...but not end of the world.... I said that Im not that stupid to just say it was "some inside funny joke" and then she said I don't trust her to just want to make me happy.....gosh...you can't win! lol Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Heh Will. There's no tellin' with people..... Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 I'm not trying to minimize your concerns regarding the picture, but I have a hunch this is more about trust especially with her weak explanation of her past emotional affair. Of course the past is the past, yet by the same token, history has a tendency to repeat itself. At any rate, I'd proceed with caution... Link to comment
Scoe141 Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 It sounds like this bothers you. I would certainly voice your concern and establish boundaries if they haven't been already. Personally, I wouldn't be crazy about my girlfriend ogling another guy. I wouldn't do that to her and would expect the same in return. Good luck. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Everyone notices attractive people. The difference is a smart person looks at, but a dumb person clicks on. Maybe she's a tad immature? she thought her guy friend looked hot....that still bugs me though...but not end of the world. Link to comment
zeino Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Trust or faithfulness aside, I'd feel excluded from the "inside joke" circle or whatever. and that would be my major problem. The joke itself should be something petty, as you say yourself it has to be about the hotness of the guy or something like that. Surely, everyone has their group of friends, everyone has people that they have known for a longer time than their boyfriend or whomever but once you are with someone, you try to include them into these "inside" groups where they have an idea of the context and can at least find stuff funny - instead of feeling uncomfortable- when there is a joke going on. This points at the boundaries of a couple. Some are more relaxed, some tend to not say anything to the third parties that they wouldn't say in front of their partners. Your boundaries are your boundaries, but it's important that both people remain at an agreed - naturally or otherwise- distance from others. In this example, your girlfriend's distance seems closer than you'd like and that's making you uncomfortable. To me, that's more urgent than whether she intends to do something with this Australian, whether her emotional affair tendencies would repeat or the muscular weight of the guy as this distance/couple boundary problem may repeat in a lot of frameworks. It feels that this and the probable insecurity this is triggering are the only things you have control on and work on. Whether this behaviour indicates something else or what she may do in the future are not things that you can control or know fully. Personally, I wouldn't build my worries about emotional cheating on what she has told me because she has openly talked about this. That many people never mention this to their new boyfriends does not mean that they will not engage in the same behaviour. If I'm choosing to be with someone despite their unhidden emotional cheating in the past, I''d try to keep my emotional bond strong and try to communicate as much as possible so she has space to talk about her feelings etc. That space can be damaged if you discuss this issue from the emotional cheating perspective or in conversations where a third person is involved. Then someone has already come between you two in a sense. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 ditto on the maturity thing. she had an emotional affair just last year. how much could she possibly have changed? it doesn't really look like it. i mean c'mon folks, when you click like on someone's shirtless pic- what purpose do you do it for? understandbly one notices an attractive person, but it's quite a leap from discretely noticing to complimenting them. the compliment is meant to have an effect on the other. noticing is not. i just dicreetly ogled a nice behind at the petrol station. a female one at that and i'm straight. just admiration. i didn't stop to tell her me gusta. i ogle men too but i won't make it obvious unless i want to initiate something. she wants to move in together and is talking marriage after 4 months together. liking shirtless guy's pics on bloody facebook. i'm just going to match her level of maturity by retorting pffffffffft. Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Seriously Bro, have you ever enjoyed this relationship? I think you guys would be better off going separate ways. every couple weeks , its something new she likes to push boundaries, you have trust issues, its destined to never be good. seriously, I feel like you should find someone more within the boundaries you have setup for yourself. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Seriously Bro, have you ever enjoyed this relationship? whoa. i just looked up the threads on her. yikes. Link to comment
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