Not sure what to do or think...help!

[TJR3382]

I'll try to keep this as short as I can but the situation is kind of complicated so it's not really gonna be short so please bear with me.

 

I became good friends with this girl who I met through a friend of mine who passed away last year. She's currently in a long relationship but they've had serious problems for a while now so about a month ago she opened up to me that she's decided to end it, but hasn't actually gone through with it yet as she's in a tough situation right now with other things. But within the last few months or so, we've developed feelings for each other. I've never been with or even met a girl who had so much in common with me and the same with her and a guy..it's almost like she's a female version of me if that makes sense...music we like, hobbies, amazing relationships with our families, I could go on and on. Not to mention a lot of little things that have happened that just make it seem like more than coincidences. I can see us doing everything together and her fitting in great with my family. Tonight we kissed for the first time(her initiative) and it felt good. She seems like the right one, but there's one major issue.....

 

I babysit a lot for my sisters and in the last year or so have started to get more feelings of wanting my own kids as I'm seeing the nieces and nephews grow up. I'm 33 now so my window is starting to get smaller on being able to do that. She's 14 years older than me, which she clearly doesn't care about with how she's been ever since she told me she was gonna end her current relationship. I don't know if I'd ever find another one quite like her. So basically it comes down to, am I willing to give up having kids to be with the right one? How do I figure that out!?!? Any advice is appreciated

[thornz]

I'll try to keep this as short as I can but the situation is kind of complicated so it's not really gonna be short so please bear with me.

 

I became good friends with this girl who I met through a friend of mine who passed away last year. She's currently in a long relationship but they've had serious problems for a while now so about a month ago she opened up to me that she's decided to end it, but hasn't actually gone through with it yet as she's in a tough situation right now with other things. But within the last few months or so, we've developed feelings for each other. I've never been with or even met a girl who had so much in common with me and the same with her and a guy..it's almost like she's a female version of me if that makes sense...music we like, hobbies, amazing relationships with our families, I could go on and on. Not to mention a lot of little things that have happened that just make it seem like more than coincidences. I can see us doing everything together and her fitting in great with my family. Tonight we kissed for the first time(her initiative) and it felt good. She seems like the right one, but there's one major issue.....

 

I babysit a lot for my sisters and in the last year or so have started to get more feelings of wanting my own kids as I'm seeing the nieces and nephews grow up. I'm 33 now so my window is starting to get smaller on being able to do that. She's 14 years older than me, which she clearly doesn't care about with how she's been ever since she told me she was gonna end her current relationship. I don't know if I'd ever find another one quite like her. So basically it comes down to, am I willing to give up having kids to be with the right one? How do I figure that out!?!? Any advice is appreciated

 

I think the fact that you are dating a cheat is the bigger issue.

 

Also if you want kids then you should pick that over a woman you barely know, who essentially could be feeding you everything you want to hear.

It's great to have loads in common and even have unusual coincidences but maybe she is reflecting what you like to get you conditioned as her escape from this relationship?

[Cole197935]

Having kids is a big deal, i know i dont have to tell you that. To make kids happy, you have to be happy. Sounds like this lady makes you very happy, id just ask her if its something she would be interested in. If not then id make a choice. Me personally i would go with the girl who makes me happy. It sounds like you already have some kids in your life. I know having your own would be better but i think in your situation i would go with the girl. Its very rare to find "the one"

Hope this helps

[thornz]

If I'm correct, this woman is 47, she won't be having kids . .

[SherrySher]

Don't give up one of lifes greatest pleasures. I know you feel you connect with her but there will be someone else you connect with and more. Children are precious and nothing compares to seeing them be born and watching them grow and the love you have for them...absolutely nothing compares, not even the love in a romantic relationship.

I mean it...the love you have for your child will be far greater than any love you've ever experienced. Don't let that go.

[Billie28]

To proceed with this woman is to proceed with someone who has issues, irrelevant if she can bear children or not.

You likely became close because of grief. And probably over estimate the common ground.

 

Common goals for the future far outweigh common hobbies.

 

If she is past the age to bear children , her choice in a partner comes from a different perspective than yours.

But regardless she is on the rebound and you are simply her comfort blanket.

 

If you are ok with being the rebound guy and in no hurry to have kids, then go for it. But know that it will be short lived.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately someone who is in a relationship and refuses to end it instead choosing to cheat is not "the one". Even though you are falling for her, most of it is speculative, because she is not participating in this dream, because she's with someone else.

She's currently in a long relationship. Tonight we kissed for the first time. I'm 33 She's 14 years older than me.

[Iggy5129]

Woah slow down here!! She's not even out of her other relationship and you're already thinking about having kids?

 

I agree that your bigger concern is her willingness to start something with you before leaving her current bf.

 

Also (I'm saying this from experience) you may want to find someone closer to your age. You'll be more likely to be in similar life stages and have similar future goals. I didn't think being with someone 16 years older than me was a big deal until we broke up and I starting dating someone closer to my age. It feels good to be with someone who gets my jokes and pop culture references.

 

Anyway, don't get too attached to this woman. I see this ending in hurt feelings for you.

[TJR3382]

Unfortunately someone who is in a relationship and refuses to end it instead choosing to cheat is not "the one". Even though you are falling for her, most of it is speculative, because she is not participating in this dream, because she's with someone else.

 

Well for all intents and purposes it's over with them. They never do anything together anymore, barely talk and when they do talk, most of the time it's arguing. He even leaves most of the time when I come to their house. She hasn't told him it's over yet only because of her situation outside of the relationship. she's just in a tough spot right now and is afraid of what could happen when she does tell him.

 

In the years they've been together the most cheating she's ever done is when she kissed me so she's not someone with 'those' kinds of issues. She's not that kind of person and neither am I. I told her I wouldn't wanna get involved until she actually ends it and she was ok with that

[Wiseman2]

What does he think you are? Just a friend?

He even leaves most of the time when I come to their house. She hasn't told him it's over

[TJR3382]

What does he think you are? Just a friend?

Honestly yeah, I don't think he thinks it's anything more than that

[Wiseman2]

I feel bad for you. You are in an unrequited love situation with a woman in a relationship.

I don't think he thinks it's anything more than that

[PRMan5169]

Don't get into a situation that you will regret down the line. There is not 1 person for you, there are many.

[Billie28]

Just because she is unhappy in her relationship does not mean she is going to leave it. She is still there because ultimately she loves him and wants it to work.

You are simply filling the void in her relationship.

Someone to discuss these things that she should be discussing with her partner.

 

She is cheating on him and emotional affairs are so much worse than physical. Her issues are huge! Stop ignoring them. Stop with the white knight syndrome.

 

Run!