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On going dating disappointments


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Since the 6th of January i am an emotional wreck. Im not depressed, i am just emotionally tired of continuous disappointments in my dating life. I met a guy in January and for 3 whole months i was literally suffering. He was from another city, we could barely see each other once a week and he was not 'present' when i needed him (meaning he wouldn't contact me or text me coz he claimed he didn't like talking on the phone) because of that behaviour i became paranoid saying foolish things like 'am i disturbing you', 'you don't want to talk to me?' whenever i tried to contact him. Eventually it ended after 3 monthts and minus 7 kilos.

To cope with this, after a short period of time (maybe a month) i started again the online chatting/dating thing. One day a guy sent me a message and since then we started talking on the phone for hours and texting all day. Finally we met (i went to his house without knowing how he looked like). He seemed a very good guy polite educated. When we first met he told me that he ended a 9 year relationship with a guy. Basically my point is that he was not ready for a new relationship and of course i respected that. He also told me that i could go to his place whenever i wanted. Which i did many times, we went out for dinner, we went out for coffee and ice cream several times and when i was at his place we made out. After some time he stopped contacting me. I was the one asking to meet for coffee or ice cream or if i could pay him a visit at his home. I want to mentiom that there were two failed attempts to have anal sex because i was too stressed about it.he said it was not a problem that it failed.

During this time i got attached to him and i started to miss him. I want to mention that i didnt become paranoid or i never asked him for anything in terms of us being together. Last time i was to his house i told him i miss him and he said that its not a bad thing to miss somebody but it is a bad thing how you miss somebody and he sees me only as a friend. I told him because i knew it was not right to miss him because i knew he was out of a long relationship and also he was all the time on dating sites.

I left his house heart broken and since then we haven't talked.


I know it was wrong developing emotions for this person but it happened and the victim is again me. We have a saying in my country "heartbreak passes with a new love" It felt confort being with him after my last dating disaster. I was having an amazing time with him. Now I feel horrible and i don't know what to do anymore. A disappointment after a disappointment destroys my social life and my health because i dont really eat healthy anymore and i chain smoke. Friends tell me to give it a rest (the dating thing). I am 29 years old, i met many people but what happens is that they enjoy you for a while and then they leave.

I just don't know what to expect anymore from anyone, i trust nobody from those gay dating sites. Whats the solution? Follow my parents advice? (Marry a woman? Yes they do not accept what i am) and stay miserable my whole life living a lie?

Am i the troubled one? Am i doing this wrong? I know im smart, i know im good looking, i am educated, i am polite.

Sometimes i feel like theres is no meaning in my life anymore but luckily im strong enough not to be suicidal.

Thank you for reading

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Everyone runs into hard times when it comes to dating and has bad experiences, it can be very deflating. Change who you are and marry a woman or live a lie?? That's frustration talking. You don't need to be so drastic in changing anything about yourself. You've just run into the wrong people. Just ease back from the dating for a while until you can get your head back together and try again when you are ready.

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Hello Stefan,

Everybody, gay or straight, eventually goes through the crap you are going through with dating. I've recently have a REALLY bad episode, where I was literally on the brink of just forever giving up on finding someone compatible for me.


I'm straight, but I kind of know what you are going through, because my ex-girlfriend was a closet lesbian. I'm so sorry for what your parents think of you; they should accept you and be happy for who you are and that you have the courage to tell them and the world the truth about yourself. Look, there is nothing wrong with you. You are who you are, and you can't change that, and you shouldn't change that, not for anyone, parents included. You can't magically make yourself straight, and you will never truly be happy with anyone other than a male, so you shouldn't try. In fact, PLEASE do not date any women, or marry one especially!!! You wouldn't be lying to yourself but the woman as well; that woman would deserve to be happy and truly loved by someone that wants to be with her, not someone that is pretending and going through the motions. I've been on the receiving end of that and it absolutely SUCKS, especially if you never tell her that you are gay and then drop the bomb on her one day.


My advice to you; just be patient and enjoy your life the way it is. It sounds to me like you have a lot of conflicted feelings and things going on, and that you are letting outside pressures get to you. The online dating thing doesn't work for me either, as well as many others. It's too artificial and too picky. Surely there must be ways you can meet other men face-to-face? Is there ever any, I don't know, gay rallies or gay parades near you? I would try something like that... or some kind of meet up group for homosexuals. I don't now, but I think you should stay optimistic.

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I get the sense that you dive 100 percent into dating and put all of your hopes and emotional needs into the other person. You should really take a step back and try to be more emotionally independent.



I also find dating hard and sometimes demoralising. I've been out with about five women, since I split from my on/off again ex, and none of them really floated my boat. Met them all online. None of them looked anything like their pictures. Got to continue though, the "right one" is out there!

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