Low Sex Drive... Am I Weird?

[moodindigo91]

Well... this is something I've been struggling with for a while now. I haven't talked to anyone about it recently, I tried to talk to my best friend about it whose married with two kids, but she really couldn't offer much advice to me (our lives are so different). I'm a 25-year-old female and I've been struggling with a very low sex drive for years. At first, I thought it was rather normal (especially because I was used to going long periods of time not having sex as a military girlfriend prior), until I moved in with my ex-boyfriend and my low sex drive was one of the things that got in the way of our happiness (among MANY others). I realize now that most women my age have sex and experience the need and want to have sex a lot more often than I do, even in a committed relationship with my live-in boyfriend (who would have had sex with me at any given moment if I wanted to).

 

I very, very rarely experience the need/desire to have sex and when I do, it's typically very short lived. I guess I'm just not sure if I have a low sex drive because of my toxic relationship with my ex. We used to have sex a lot, especially when I first moved in. After discovering a few instances of disloyalty, I started to lose the desire to sleep with him. After he broke up with me a while back, I started to lose attraction toward him. Now we are back together, and the thought of having sex (not just with him, but in general) just turns me off. I'm usually exhausted and trying to go to bed by the time he decides he wants to have sex, and I'm thinking in my head I don't want to clean up after, I don't want to move, I'm too tired, etc. When we do have sex, I have to try not to think about our problems to enjoy it. I've also been thinking about other people during sex...

 

I'm wondering if my low sex drive is due to stress from work, and being exhausted, or is it due to my not being 100% happy in my relationship, or is it just because I'm simply not into sex in such a sexualized world? I can't tell the cause, and I'm wondering if any other women have the same or a similar problem? Am I just weird? Or is this normal? Will it change?

[Wiseman2]

This sounds like a likely cause. Resentment is the antithesis to libido. However, a good check-up could determine other causes such as hormones, depression,etc. Go to counselling for yourself to feel better, not with or for your bf.

my toxic relationship with my ex. Now we are back together

[thornz]

If you're thinking about other people then it sounds like your libido might not be the problem, more you lack of attraction to your partner.

[lam123]

Well, my wife has been so throughout his life. For her, sex is not first on her list of priorities.

Do you never masturbaste? That is a clear indicator of the level of your sex drive.

[tattoobunnie]

Having a cheating partner is 100% a way to take the wind out of your sails.

 

Even though you may have verbally patched things up, you both need to do a lot of work to get back on track - why did he cheat? Why did you take him back? What can he do to prove he will never do it again? I'm not sure if you two have addressed what and why.

 

it will change when you move on to someone else.

[DoF]

#1, address your relationship. Why in the world would you RE enter your relationship with your "toxic" ex.

 

This is probably the core of the issue.

 

You need time off, all to yourself. I say 6 months-1 year no contact with ex or any opposite sex. This will give you plenty of time to figure things out. it will also give you time to play around and possibly rediscover your own body. I would say, start there. You can also try visual stimulation/porn if it floats your boat.

 

Your problem is NOT low drive though, your problem is not being with a person you desire. If you were with that person, trust me, you would be all over him (even if you had low drive) hehe

[reinventmyself]

There is a saying:

 

"Men make love with their bodies, women make love with their minds"

 

The message here is that is you can't turn off your thoughts and possible discontent from your negative experiences with your boyfriend if things aren't going well outside of the bedroom.

 

Yes, discontent will effect your libido.

[lunatic]

I have two words of advice for you:

Get OUT and leave him now!

[TakeTwo]

I agree with reinventmyself. But would also add that it also depend on the partner and how he is in intimacy.

 

I was married for 22 years (he was my first man) and felt exactly like OP through all the the time. My ex even convinced me I am frigid. I started to associate myself with asexual type. It all changed after separation. Being 45 years old I have discovered I am not only asexual, I can feel strong desire; basically I went through that late in life what regular teen goes through.