Six Months Later, I Still Love Him

[gigi1234]

We were in a seven year relationship, lived together for six years. Engaged for two years, broke up two weeks before marriage. We're both 33.

I had cheated in the past and decided to come clean to him. I didn't want us to have any secrets between us as husband and wife.

I thought he'd love me through it, that there was assurance in knowing that I love him alone and want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Well, he broke up with me. Without so much as a conversation, he found a new place, moved all of his things out and I never again heard from him.

I called, texted, emailed, sent postal mail - all with zero response. Finally, I stopped by his new place, he refused to answer the door, and the next day, he sent an email:

"I guess me ignoring you and silence isn't enough. There is absolutely nothing you can say or do that will get us back together. I have moved on, I don't want to be with you, and I don't want to see or talk to you.

If you really love or loved me as much as you say, you would respect my decision and let me go."

 

The Rumspringa lapse in judgement made me realize how much I love him, and how I am ready for children and family with him after all these years.

Six months later, I still love him. I am remorseful. I wish I could take it all back. I've lost the love of my life. I don't know how to proceed from this point. It's strange that he walked away without saying anything.. I've heard that if there's enough love there, couples can work through anything. Anyone out there been through similar?

Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

[Gloworm]

you cheated on him.. You should let him go..

[DancingFool]

You cheated on him....that is the ultimate betrayal.....

You need to accept the consequences and leave him alone. He is correct in dropping you cold. I would too in his shoes.

 

Love conquers all is only true in fairy tales. In reality, you have to earn people's love, trust, and respect every single day through your actions. Some actions that you take are beyond forgiveness.....they are too destructive......

 

Live and learn and leave him alone. You've done enough damage. Maybe spend your energy on getting a handle whatever motivated you to cheat so that you never ever repeat that again in other relationships. This relationship is over. Accept it. Move on, because he is rightfully not even bothering to give you any other choices. You don't deserve them.

[leonardo2016]

We were in a seven year relationship, lived together for six years. Engaged for two years, broke up two weeks before marriage. We're both 33.

I had cheated in the past and decided to come clean to him. I didn't want us to have any secrets between us as husband and wife.

I thought he'd love me through it, that there was assurance in knowing that I love him alone and want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Well, he broke up with me. Without so much as a conversation, he found a new place, moved all of his things out and I never again heard from him.

I called, texted, emailed, sent postal mail - all with zero response. Finally, I stopped by his new place, he refused to answer the door, and the next day, he sent an email:

"I guess me ignoring you and silence isn't enough. There is absolutely nothing you can say or do that will get us back together. I have moved on, I don't want to be with you, and I don't want to see or talk to you.

If you really love or loved me as much as you say, you would respect my decision and let me go."

 

The Rumspringa lapse in judgement made me realize how much I love him, and how I am ready for children and family with him after all these years.

Six months later, I still love him. I am remorseful. I wish I could take it all back. I've lost the love of my life. I don't know how to proceed from this point. It's strange that he walked away without saying anything.. I've heard that if there's enough love there, couples can work through anything. Anyone out there been through similar?

Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

 

You cheated on him. Period. His reaction was utterly justifiable.

 

You got what was coming to you, and your suffering is completely deserved. But everyone deserves a second chance in life, so I hope eventually you move on and find some happiness, and maybe you'll know better than to treat people that way in future.

[kbbcoop77]

Lesson learned, don't cheat!! When I learned about my ex wife cheating it changed everything. I'll never see her like I used to. She's worthless to me and I would absolutely never take her back.

[Ayla08]

Despite all you have lost, at least you have learned the hard way what cheating can do. I hope you have learned your lesson and one day, when you meet someone else, you will know never to make that mistake again.

But let this guy go. You've done enough and he has every right not to want you in his life. There is only one thing you can do right now to make up for the hurt you caused him, and that's to respect his wishes and let him move on. Cheating was selfish and you only thought of what you wanted at the time. Now, think of what he needs first.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately he had a very bad reaction to your news. Sadly there is nothing you can do except take his email seriously and stay away before he gets a restraining order. Block him from your social media and try to put it all behind you.

I had cheated in the past and decided to come clean to him. he broke up with me. "I guess me ignoring you and silence isn't enough. There is absolutely nothing you can say or do that will get us back together. I have moved on, I don't want to be with you, and I don't want to see or talk to you.If you really love or loved me as much as you say, you would respect my decision and let me go."

[shiner501]

That you should not have cheated goes without saying. But, you should not have told him. There are always some secrets. That last statement does not forgive your cheating but you should have kept this to yourself.

[shiner501]

 

I've never lied to anyone or cheated anyone in my life. I have been utterly committed to everyone I have been involved with. I repeat what I said earlier: I think this lady would have been wise to have not mentioned this earlier transgression. It was way behind her and her being honest did nothing for her other than to blow apart her relationship. She should not have mentioned it IMO, it should have remained a private, silly and shameful thing she did earlier in her relationship and I stand by that statement. Maybe you disagree and that is your right. However, I do not deserve the insult you direct at me.

 

Back to the OP, it was a silly thing you did but I hope he does come back to you. We are all human and make mistakes. Good luck and remain loyal in all you do from now!

[Bigdeal123]

I agree with Shiner501... Something is better kept unsaid!

You guys were together for 7 years and if you actually did what you did for whatever reason during these 7 years, what made you to come clean right when you actually were ready to tie the knot and make a promise not to repeat that once the papers are signed??? It was not a smart move. Unknown cannot hurt you (he, not knowing your secret) but once the secret is out, you cannot take it back. I have never been cheated on(not that I had many relationships like 3! my whole life!!!) but I will not want you to have me and let you explore! This is what I told my latest ex (who dumped over a text on Christmas eve day out of nowhere and after 3 years being together)!!!! I believe you finish a business before starting a new one always. But then now the water is under the bridge.

As much as the act of cheating is so so horrible, it is kind of double standard that many men and or society expect women to be more forgiving of their cheating husbands and or partners and keep working on the relationships. Somehow societies view and blame women for their cheating partners/husbands!

As much as I feel for you and your pain despite of the fact that you caused him probably such an unbearable pain yourself, you are probably to be blamed for a long term by his future partners because of his trust issues(my latest ex told me he had trust issues because of his exes cheating on him! and he asked me to work with him on it! I think he is possessed!!!!!!!!!!!) and I think a lot of us (even though we are not saints ourselves either!) as females will blame you for giving us a bad name too, it is in your best interest and to keep your sanity, you need to move on and accept that this is the bed you made and you have to sleep in it too.

Maybe although very unlikely if his love for you can overcome his feeling of betrayal and hate and sadness, he will find it in his heart to be able to forgive you and reach out! Stay away from him because if you are as remorseful as you claim to be, the last thing you want to do to yourself is to be humiliated even further by he calling the cops on you and or getting a restraining order/stay away order then you will know for sure he will never ever ever consider having anything with you ever. period. The trust and respect is gone. Don't make it worse than it is.

Try to use this mistake both cheating and then confessing to it as a learning experience for the future. Although I am not going to judge you because usually cheaters are missing something in the relationship and the relationship is lacking something. Try to find out what it was and work on those issues. My therapist once told me: " If you love someone, even thinking of cheating on him/her will give you cold shiver!" Eh... I don't know. Maybe not everyone. I know it will for me. and I probably will die from sorrow if I ever experience that also. I probably wouldn't wan to know either! Make this mistake both ways your rock bottom and just bounce back in whole. Become a better person.

[Bigdeal123]

I've never lied to anyone or cheated anyone in my life. I have been utterly committed to everyone I have been involved with. I repeat what I said earlier: I think this lady would have been wise to have not mentioned this earlier transgression. It was way behind her and her being honest did nothing for her other than to blow apart her relationship. She should not have mentioned it IMO, it should have remained a private, silly and shameful thing she did earlier in her relationship and I stand by that statement. Maybe you disagree and that is your right. However, I do not deserve the insult you direct at me.

 

Back to the OP, it was a silly thing you did but I hope he does come back to you. We are all human and make mistakes. Good luck and remain loyal in all you do from now!

 

I agree with you Shiner501... She should not have said so and I believe her suffering in private would have been enough of punishment and so called Owning up for her soul!

I also agree you did not deserve the insult. My own then Mother in law told me long long time ago: "There is no need for you to tell everything and anything to my son." I am sure she wasn't thinking of the cheating per se but I got the point. If something is as damaging as her cheating specially when she is remorseful enough not to ever do it again, she should had kept her mouth shut and kept it as a shameful dark secret of hers and instead work on her issues so it wouldn't happen again ever.

[sky09]

I've never lied to anyone or cheated anyone in my life. I have been utterly committed to everyone I have been involved with. I repeat what I said earlier: I think this lady would have been wise to have not mentioned this earlier transgression. It was way behind her and her being honest did nothing for her other than to blow apart her relationship. She should not have mentioned it IMO, it should have remained a private, silly and shameful thing she did earlier in her relationship and I stand by that statement. Maybe you disagree and that is your right. However, I do not deserve the insult you direct at me.

 

Back to the OP, it was a silly thing you did but I hope he does come back to you. We are all human and make mistakes. Good luck and remain loyal in all you do from now!

 

Are you (and the two people that liked the post so far) for real? Guy did everything right. Dropped her cheating ass and got the eff out. Major props for not succumbing and being a pleasing mangina.

 

OP, can you pm me his paypal address, so I can send him some beer money?

[Cope]

Are you (and the two people that liked the post so far) for real? Guy did everything right. Dropped her cheating ass and got the eff out. Major props for not succumbing and being a pleasing mangina.

 

OP, can you pm me his paypal address, so I can send him some beer money?

 

I believe they are and i agree. They are not saying cheating is good. Sometimes you need to lie, or hide the truth for the better good.

 

Eskimo: 'If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?'

Priest: 'No, not if you did not know.'

Eskimo: 'Then why did you tell me?

 

 

You get the picture.

 

 

It always depends on how much you've regretted it and , for me, if it was a one time mistake or a full blown affair, but if you are sure that you won't do it again, i too find it wiser sometimes not to spill.

[gypsybird87]

Cheating is not "silly", nor is it a "mistake". It is a conscious choice made not once but repeatedly, with every kiss, touch, secret call or text, and of course sexual encounter. Anyone who has been cheated on knows this.

 

OP, you were wrong to cheat. You know that. But you absolutely did the right thing by being honest. Don't doubt yourself on that. You were also right to tell him before you married. What if you had waited until after?? Or until you had children together someday? Some couples can get past infidelity. It requires tremendous effort, a truly remorseful cheater, and a willing betrayed. It can be done. But for some people, being cheated on is simply a deal breaker. Period. They cannot get past it and they are absolutely justified in feeling that way. Your ex apparently falls into that category, and his reaction would have probably been the same even you told him after you married. So it's really for the best that it happened now, before things got more complicated by a marriage and/or children.

 

You've been honest. And right now, so is he. He's communicating very clearly that this is a deal breaker, and he is done. Anything you do- calling, trying to see him, whatever- ANYTHING- is going to compound his pain. If you still love him, then please don't do that. Let him go. You've damaged him terribly and you need to be sure you don't do any further damage to him in your (understandable) efforts to ease your own pain and guilt. He does not want explanations, apologies, or promises. He wanted one thing: loyalty, and you could not give him that. What he needs from you now is distance. This is your last and final chance to give him what he needs. I hope you are able to do so.

 

I know your heart must be breaking. Losing a true love as a consequence of your own decisions has got to be a very difficult thing to live with. As others have suggested, use this time to heal yourself, and to figure out what motivated you to cheat on a man that you obviously loved very deeply. I'm sorry all of this happened to you both.

[gigi1234]

I listed the OP under "Getting Back Together," because I'm trying to figure out how to open up lines of communication between the two of us?

 

I've asked myself, if roles were reversed, how would this have gone down? Honestly, if he had told me that he stepped out, I'd ask him: is there still love here? do you still want a life partnership with me? and why did you step out?

If love was still truly there for both parties, I'd work towards a reconciliation, because I believe that life is long and every challenge/difficulty triumphed by a couple has the ability to strengthen their relationship. I'd talk it through with him, so that no matter how we decide to proceed, the dialog would be understood by both parties. Here, because we didn't speak afterwards, both sides are feeling hurt, betrayed, and angry. I'd hate to let miscommunication place a wall between us and we both lose out (on the very least an amicable parting.) I'd understand if there's no more love on his side, and he does not want a future together... I want the best for him, with or without me.

 

Currently tho, I'm afraid that if I don't attempt to reach out to him, he'll think I don't care, when in fact, I love him so much. I've never loved anyone more. My counselor said that those words were sent in anger, that he needs more time to stop seeing red, but that I shouldn't go distant because important things in life are worth fighting for.

 

This is the only time cheating has ever occurred in any of my relationships (either on the part of my past significant others or me), and it has been devastating. For all of those who have gone through similar, did you ever stop seeing red? how did the experience shape you?

 

I am grateful to all for taking the time to read and respond to my OP. I just came back from a family wedding weekend to find all of your messages, and the posts give me insight into how each person can view the same thing so differently based on their prior experiences. Thank you.

[Cope]

Hi gigi!

 

I have forgave a cheater.Twice. But it was a totally different relationship. He cheated on me while we were 6 months in. I will never forgive anyone like that again. It also has to do with what type of cheating we're talking about. This ex of mine was drunk etc and was a one time thing...yeah i know twice (different girl. Dunno if that makes it better or worse, lol) ...Anyways, i took him back because i believed we had a future together, we had so many things in common, life views etc. We ended up splitting for a different reason, but i found out he was talking to both the girls the whole 1,5 years after he cheated.

 

So....If your bf has been cheated on before, it will make it harder for him to forgive you. If your cheating was a full blown affair, it will be a lot harder. I didn't need a lot of begging to convince me to get him back, i could see his remorse in his eyes. Did i make the right choice? Maybe, probably not, but again, different relationships. If we were in it for 7 years, maybe we would still be together and have forgotten about it. Although not many people forget.

 

Anyways, this convo can go on forever about what is right or wrong. To the subject. I believe you should try to open communication with him. I assume you have regretted what you did, took responsibility and are pursuing him again because you really love him and not because it's convenient. Assuming you did all this work, than patience. Tons of it. After his email things seem really hard, i wouldn't get my hopes high. If it is 6 months after his email, 6 months of NC , then maybe it is time to send him another email. Be prepared though for him not wanting to talk to you. Maybe he needs more time, dunno, you know him, if you can figure out his feelings through a friend you trust or something, maybe go for that? I really don't know. I would go with my gut in this one. I'd write down an email, once i think it's done (it could take days to write) then wait for that "click" to happen and send it.

[Wolfshook]

What you did is bad thing,but if it didnt repeat and you really love him and are sorry about it I think he might give you a seccond chance.

 

About contacting I believe ball is in your court,but this time off is actually good since he has time to solve this thing with himself, if he doesnt do that you two would have problems in future.

 

What you can do is prove him that you feel bad about it and not do anything stupid when you 2 are not together.

 

I hope everything goes good for both of you.

[Clio]

Why did you cheat on him?