Johnny Anony Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 I'm it too sure what to make of my ex's behaviour. She asked me to take my son this Saturday on a weekend which wasn't mine. I would have but I made plans already. She sent really nasty messages angry with me that I rather be with friends than see my son, she's angry with me because she has to be a single parent and I'm not involved in my kids lives, I'm a pipe fitter, I work out of town, right now I'm working an hour away and have to commute every day. I'm up to my ass I debt left over from this split, and she is angry that I can't assist her with parental duties but she is the one who left me! Moved out, and took the kids with her. Im also trying LC with her, and have asked her not to call me unless it pertains to the children. When I reminded her that it was her decision which has changed our life she responded by saying that I'm also to blame for our breakup because I pushed her away. I don't know what to make of this. She mentioned going to the lawyers, I told her if there is something G she doesn't agree with then we can discuss it. I know her life is hard, and this has been a change but she is angry with me that I don't have most responsibilities with the kids, it wasn't me who left our home. Here I sit in a 4 bedroom house that is empty. My split was a couple of months ago and Up u till a couple of weeks ago I would have welcomed her back, but she never came forward. I'm accepting that and just want to move on. Any other of you have had any experience with angry exes upset with you because they are mad your life is easier than theirs? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 Don't let your kids suffer because she left the marriage. They have nothing to do with your split, yet will suffer from your lack of attention and love. Grow up! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 "I'm in he same situation with my wife only I'm the guy who has taken wife for granted. When ever she would complain about lack of affection, sex, and my lack of help around the house I would just say that it was her pms." Hmmmm, I wonder why she left! Link to comment
bulletproof Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 She mentioned going to the lawyers, I told her if there is something G she doesn't agree with then we can discuss it. But clearly, you can't discuss it. It's not working. Do you have a clear-cut custody agreement that was made by a court? It might cut down on this type of stuff. Link to comment
Johnny Anony Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 Don't let your kids suffer because she left the marriage. They have nothing to do with your split, yet will suffer from your lack of attention and love. Grow up! Thanks Holly, I have been keeping my agreements with my ex in terms of arranged visitation, and I'm more than open to discussing what ever is bothering her. I get up for work at 5am I'm back at home by 6 pm (which I'm sure we all do) , I have to work periodically out of town. this is obviously still new. I didn't think that I was lacking on my parental responsibilities. I have made dates with my older step kids to maintain a relationship. Maybe my ex and I need to discuss expectations. Link to comment
Johnny Anony Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 But clearly, you can't discuss it. It's not working. Do you have a clear-cut custody agreement that was made by a court? It might cut down on this type of stuff. Ya, I'm just trying to get back on my feet, I'll have to arrange something legal asap Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 I agree with Bulletproof. What is the custody and visitation agreement? Link to comment
bulletproof Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 Ya, I'm just trying to get back on my feet, I'll have to arrange something legal asap I imagine it will make your life infinitely easier. I know it seems like a drag, but it's worth it to give your kids a set schedule that nobody's arguing over. Link to comment
Johnny Anony Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 "I'm in he same situation with my wife only I'm the guy who has taken wife for granted. When ever she would complain about lack of affection, sex, and my lack of help around the house I would just say that it was her pms." Hmmmm, I wonder why she left! I'm not sure what to say here, i sense hostility. But clearly, you can't discuss it. It's not working. Do you have a clear-cut custody agreement that was made by a court? It might cut down on this type of stuff. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 I agree that you two should have a custody agreement and then try your best to stick to it. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 How many children are there and how many are yours? This is still new and it takes a while to get all the details worked out so be patient, gracious and understanding. Many ex's get very upset when the life they thought they would have after the spilt turns out to be much different and then they see their ex seemingly having it easy and they get more and more angry and frustrated. Lost Link to comment
Hollyj Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 Thanks Holly, I have been keeping my agreements with my ex in terms of arranged visitation, and I'm more than open to discussing what ever is bothering her. I get up for work at 5am I'm back at home by 6 pm (which I'm sure we all do) , I have to work periodically out of town. this is obviously still new. I didn't think that I was lacking on my parental responsibilities. I have made dates with my older step kids to maintain a relationship. Maybe my ex and I need to discuss expectations. I apologize if I was wrong about your attempts to see the children. i hope that you are able to work through the issues with your ex, for the betterment of the kids. Please remember that they are also suffering the loss of your presence. When are you going to go through the courts? Link to comment
Johnny Anony Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 How many children are there and how many are yours? This is still new and it takes a while to get all the details worked out so be patient, gracious and understanding. Many ex's get very upset when the life they thought they would have after the spilt turns out to be much different and then they see their ex seemingly having it easy and they get more and more angry and frustrated. Lost There are 3 kids, only one is mine but I still treat the other 2 like they are my own. I guess I'll just discuss her expectations on what should be done with the kids. We discussed I would take them every 2nd weekend, I am open to take them extra but would like notice. I believe her life isn't what she thought it was going to be and she is upset and taking it out on me. But if she is having troubles I'm open as a parent to help where I can. I just don't need her upset and being rude to me. I guess I just don't understand why she is angry. Link to comment
Johnny Anony Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 I apologize if I was wrong about your attempts to see the children. i hope that you are able to work through the issues with your ex, for the betterment of the kids. Please remember that they are also suffering the loss of your presence. When are you going to go through the courts? I have been referred to a lawyer, I just need to work more and get more financially secure. Once I get there in the next couple of months I'll get everything worked out legally. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 She mentioned going to the lawyers, I told her if there is something G she doesn't agree with then we can discuss it. Nope. Skip trying to reason with someone who's unreasonable. Speak with your lawyer and get the right advice for your location and situation ~before~ agreeing to anything that might set the wrong precedents. You protect your kids by protecting yourself. When ex is legally disabled from using your kids as pawns, that IS the kind of protection that's right for all of you--whether ex 'likes' it or not. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 There are 3 kids, only one is mine but I still treat the other 2 like they are my own. Are you paying for the other two? I think that responsibility should be the father's. I do think it's good for you to continue to see the children though. Link to comment
Johnny Anony Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 Are you paying for the other two? I think that responsibility should be the father's. I do think it's good for you to continue to see the children though. My two step kids father had passed away, my ex does receive funds from his government pension, but she has requested I pay for monthly support for them. On top of extras like sports, and other misc things which require money. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 My two step kids father had passed away, my ex does receive funds from his government pension, but she has requested I pay for monthly support for them. On top of extras like sports, and other misc things which require money. Not to sound heartless, but why would you pay for monthly support for them if she gets funds from his pension? I think you need to clear up your finances as soon as possible so you can afford a lawyer and get a custody agreement sooner rather than later. That's the priority. Link to comment
RebornAgain Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 Agree with previous poster. She left you & she then expects you to pay for children that are not yours. No wonder she is not happy in her new life, as it sounds like she has some serious pie-in-the-sky thinking. Keep doing the NC, get yourself a lawyer, know your rights, and pay what your supposed to pay. Paying for the other kids is now her problem. Tough but it was her choice to go. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 It is commendable that you want to help out your step children but don't agree to it in any legal documents, emails to her or texts. Once custody and child support is all worked out for only your child and you get your life and finances straightened out and if you have some extra money and choose to buy them gifts for sports or school of what ever then feel free to do it but do not agree to support children that are not yours. Make it your choice what you want to do, not the courts. She could shack up with some guy and you would still be paying for kids that are not yours... She is a big girl and needs to take care of herself and her own children just like she did before you came into the picture. You should be looking into getting a legal separation right away so you are not legally responsible for anything she does from now until the divorce is final. Why hasn't she filed for divorce if she is the one that left? Lost Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 Stick to your agreed visitation schedule and don't let her manipulate you with guilt. Great idea to keep communications about the children and not let her abuse contact to take out her rage and frustration at you personally or threaten you with lawyers, blah blah blah. Yep cooler heads prevail. If the kids have their own phones that is great, you can talk to then directly. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 I agree strongly with Lost here. Especially with the notion she could shack up with someone else and still have you paying for the kids that you don't have a legal right to see. Get everything straight throughout the courts asap. Link to comment
Johnny Anony Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 It is commendable that you want to help out your step children but don't agree to it in any legal documents, emails to her or texts. Once custody and child support is all worked out for only your child and you get your life and finances straightened out and if you have some extra money and choose to buy them gifts for sports or school of what ever then feel free to do it but do not agree to support children that are not yours. Make it your choice what you want to do, not the courts. She could shack up with some guy and you would still be paying for kids that are not yours... She is a big girl and needs to take care of herself and her own children just like she did before you came into the picture. You should be looking into getting a legal separation right away so you are not legally responsible for anything she does from now until the divorce is final. Why hasn't she filed for divorce if she is the one that left? Lost We were living common law, she just wanted out of the relationship, got an apartment a month ago. I have gotten legal advice and been informed to get a separation order, and have sign offs for custody, visitation, removing her off my pension, child support, I just went through a really rough 6 months where I wasn't working, toughest time of my life. So, I'm just getting my financial ducks in a row. My ex has only asked for 400 a month with no spousal support. Right now she is obviously struggling. We will have to sit down and figure out a realistic number for child support, or I'll just provide some extra funds until she is on her feet. What ever is best for the kids right now. I won't commit to my step kids on paper. If I decide to pay for there sports, school, what ever it's gonna be my choice. It's just hard because I never wanted their lives to change like this. But their mom wanted out. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 I have gotten legal advice and been informed to get a separation order, and have sign offs for custody, visitation, removing her off my pension, child support ... I think everyone is telling you to do this first and foremost. If you decide to pay for your step kids' sports/school, don't pay your ex directly. Pay the school to ensure the money goes to that purpose. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 Excellent! I have gotten legal advice. What ever is best for the kids right now. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.