Not attracted

[MorningShine7]

So my husband and I have been married for a little over a year now and we have 2 kids together. I feel like we get along great and we are still in that corny mushy honeymoon stage. But a little problem we have is his porn use. I've always known he's watched porn, and I watch it too. It has never been a problem until now. I have also in the past worked in the porn industry and I am "somewhat" known from it. I have nothing against porn whatsoever. But, it seems to have consumed my husband...he has watched it 5 or more times everyday, and he refuses to have sex with me. I have an extremely high sex drive and I pretty much want it at anytime...I've never rejected any advances from him. But, he will reject my every offer and if he doesn't then he has an issue arising to the occasion.

I've tried talking to him about it and he gets defensive. I feel like maybe because of the porn, he just isn't attracted to me anymore. He doesn't want to talk about it, and he doesn't want to watch it together. He's not open to any suggestions. I feel like this is ruining our marriage.

[Lester]

"I feel like this is ruining our marriage."

- It is, and will.

 

But that's not a question.

 

What is it you want?

[Wiseman2]

You are assuming it's the porn however have you asked him why he isn't interested in sex, without accusations that it's the porn?

So my husband and I have been married for a little over a year. he refuses to have sex with me. I feel like this is ruining our marriage.

[Clinton]

Counselling. You won't solve this on your own. Could be a lot of deeper issues at play. Up to you if your relationship is worth it or not.

[Man with Dog]

The rising to the occasion is the issue! He has performance anxiety.

[becomingkate]

Is he masturbating five times a day as well? I couldn't stay in a relationship where my husband preferred that over actual intimacy.

You'll need to talk. Would he see a counselor?

[omnigeode]

It sounds like some kind of porn addiction. But it's hard to say.

Has it always been like this? what was your sex life like at first?

 

It may be that he's lost attraction towards you and uses porn as his outlet OR he got addicted to porn and consequently real sex doesn't do it for him any more. You need to talk to him about it and explain how it's making you feel. Express that you feel unattractive and you feel like he doesn't want you. You need to give him reassurance that you're not going to get mad or argue, you just want to know how he feels so you can work it out. I know you say he gets defensive, but you need to approach it gently and explain to him that you can't continue like this and he needs to open up to you. That or suggest he see a therapist, on his own or with you.

 

The fact he gets defensive is a bit suspicious.

[Man with Dog]

Is he masturbating five times a day as well? I couldn't stay in a relationship where my husband preferred that over actual intimacy.

You'll need to talk. Would he see a counselor?

 

That would explain projectile dysfunction. I wish I could MB8 5 times a day. I have to fake it!

[Silverbirch]

I've seen heaps of posts here over the years about people becoming addicted to porn. It's real. Maybe if you do a search of this site, you might find other people's experiences helpful.