Getting Drawn Into Arguments and Mixed Signals

[Ccottom]

The girl i am with is pretty needy when it comes to emotional support and over the 8 months now we have been together it has gotten worse. We broke up in the end for 3 weeks because of it then got back together, for 2 weeks it was amazing and she seemed to have matured but again she has just regressed.

 

I'm talking about the constant need to be told i care for her when she demands that i tell her. Not demand as in "tell me now that i am cared for". I mean starting arguments and manipulating what i say or do into me being awful so i can tell her i do care for her and i love her and just reassuring her in general. When she does something that has upset me, she will take that and twist it into me being the bad guy.

 

- My example that has happened today:

 

I am trying to arrange with her a weekend away, we both agreed to the countries biggest theme park, we both wanted to do this for a long time. I said i would take her for her birthday which was last weekend but she was with family (I live on an RAF base away from my family, she lives with friends 1.30 hour train from me and a few hours from family) and we don't get paid till the end of the month so agreed to go after we both get paid.

The problem is though, we hardly get to see each other as it is. We used to see each other every day when we lived in the same town but both moved during the break up previously. I am being moved back by work, it was only a temporary 3 month position where i am, before going back to where we lived previously, this will be a 4 hour train ride and twice as long car. I leave for their in 4 weeks. I last saw her 2 weeks ago. So they were the parameters i am trying to work with in booking this weekend.

 

I planned it all out, we would leave on the Saturday, pay-day weekend so stop off halfway through the road trip for the weekend and go out that night then we can head to the park on the Monday (not going weekend because it will be packed). Then on the way home, stay at my parents for the Monday night and drive back on the Tuesday. Drop her off and then come back to my base.

 

She threw a spanner in the works, she said she was moving from her current rented room with her friend to another rented room with same friend on the Saturday. I said to her, I will help her move her stuff and set up her room etc and then when its done we can drive back then. She then said no because she doesn't want to miss out on meeting anybody else who lives their because she will then be left out forever. She said that I go on my own and have "my weekend away" and she will get the train down and meet me on the Monday and we have our day out. She then started complaining that the train is going to cost 40 and moaning about that.

 

I told her with the exact words "You have hurt me here because not only had i planned this whole weekend away"..., she came up with an excuse why she cant do it, then i worked around it so she came up with another excuse and then offers me a single day of her time and then complained about the effort she has to go through for that. I told her how that upset me.

 

She flipped that on me, she then went into an onslaught about how i am being horrible to her, she suggested to me alternatives such as her getting train and i got angry, this whole thing shows i dont care one peice for her, she cares so much for me and i am everything to her, i am breaking her down and leaving her to pick up the peices of herself left, im abusive, shes just miserable and she doesnt want to be with me anymore. So i said "if you want it to be over then its over".

 

She jumped on this, removed the first part of the comment and kept quoting how disgusting i am saying "its over" and ive left her, never talk to her again. When i repeat me comment and capitalise the 'if you want it to be' and 'then it is'. She hasnt listened to a word of that, she flips out saying i have left her when she feels like this. She wanted me to tell her i care for her and ive left her instead.

 

She has now gone on, accusing me of being autistic etc and i am incapable of showing her i care. Despite me constantly arranging to see her, me doing the travelling etc. 2 weeks ago she was so caring and telling me that wherever i go with work she will follow because she lost me once she doesnt ever want to lose me again and cant stand to think that she might ever. But now i have no idea what happened.

[bulletproof]

Please, please, please end this. Your threads about it describe an extremely unhealthy situation. Why are you staying?

[greta96]

You were already told in your 2 previous threads that she is someone you need to dump for good. Attention seeker, drama queen, emotionally and verbally abusive to you, selfish, ignorant, and the list goes on. What exactly appeals to you? Because from where I stand, she is no girlfriend material in any shape or form.

You choose to stay with such dimwit knowing how awful she is, that's fine, it's your life. But then you don't really get to complain about it. Sorry...you're in charge of your own destiny, and if that's the best you think you can do, so be it. Accept it and continue bending over backwards for her.

[Clinton]

End it. It's only been 8 months. Do you want to put up with this forever because she's not changing.

[Wiseman2]

You know exactly what happened. You couldn't agree on plans, accused her of making lame excuses and got into a fight. You two are not compatible or able to agree on basic things. Find another girl you can get along with better and communicate plans and intentions with better.

I told her with the exact words "You have hurt me here because not only had i planned this whole weekend away"..., she came up with an excuse why she cant do it.She has now gone on.But now i have no idea what happened.

[ParisPaulette]

What exactly is it you want to hear from us? I mean if this is just a venting thread, then let it be a venting thread. If you want advice please ask us that, but tell us what it is you want.

 

And understand nothing we can say and do here is going to make this person a sane, emotionally healthy human being. She is jerking you around on purpose, she's controlling, she's manipulative. You are in an emotionally abusive relationship, such as it is. And at eight months this is just ridiculous. You think this is going to get better if you can't even make it to the one-year mark before you start fighting constantly and have high-end drama? Nope, screw the theme-park, you have your very own roller coaster ride that'll run you right into the ground.

 

Or just acknowledge you love drama, you love being jerked around, and it is totally your thing plus you can't get better and just be done with it. And accept the highs and the lows and all she tosses at you, because really this is now your third post on the sort of behaviors that make the rest of us run away. And you seem to be eating it up with a spoon and coming back for more. I'm at a loss what to tell you.

 

P.S. You're in the Air Force, so I'm going to assume a level of intelligence there, but you need to sit back a minute, take a deep breath, ask yourself why you're so intent on trying to force something to fit that clearly, clearly isn't. What's behind that?

[Capricorn3]

What exactly is it you want to hear from us? I mean if this is just a venting thread, then let it be a venting thread. If you want advice please ask us that, but tell us what it is you want.

 

Or just acknowledge you love drama, you love being jerked around, and it is totally your thing plus you can't get better and just be done with it. And accept the highs and the lows and all she tosses at you, because really this is now your third post on the sort of behaviors that make the rest of us run away. And you seem to be eating it up with a spoon and coming back for more.

I totally agree with the above. OP, it is becoming more and more clear that you thrive on drama, absolutely love it, and enjoy the attention. It seems you really do NOT want any advice of any kind because you ignore it all, in all of your threads. You've got tons of very informative and constructive advice. Please go back to all your threads and re-read ALL the responses there. Nothing has changed. Perhaps it's time to seek professional counseling/therapy.

 

May I suggest that if all you want to do is vent, then please start a SOLO journal in the journal forum because it is pointless starting dozens of threads and receiving the same advice over and over again.

[Sportster2005]

People treat you they way you train them to. You have her well trained.

 

Stop feeding this drama Llama and find yourself a good woman.