Knocked 10 steps back... Help.

[WoundedRose90]

Long story short, my Ex broke up with me at 2 months pregnant, 3 weeks after getting a marriage license at the courthouse. He moved away 5 hrs to live with his mother and broke up with me once he got there. No explanation, only told me that he was "single" now. He used an argument we had 3 months prior to him leaving as the reason why he didn't want to be with me. It really crushed me and tore me apart, because we were planning a wedding and the arrival of our little one.

 

Fast Forward, now I'm 8 months. He returned back down here 3 months ago, and he did reach out to me, but it was to show face to his current girlfriend to make him appear to be an involved Father. What she didnt know is that he told me he wanted to have sex with me and be in our child's life, but he stipulated in no uncertain terms, "I don't want to be with you."

 

I was disgusted by him and what he was doing, but mentally it destroyed me because it was only a few months ago we sat down and planned the conception of the baby I'm carrying, and we went to the Court house - Willingly and excited. It did a real job on my head. I cut off all contact with him, and he stopped calling and texting since then.

 

2 months later, which was yesterday..I was in my Kitchen cooking, and I heard someone arguing outside my window. I looked to see who it was, and it was him and his Girlfriend arguing in the parking lot of the complex where I live. I immediately went into a Panic, and I broke down crying uncontrollably. I KNEW he had a Girlfriend, but I had never seen her or knew where she lived, and come to find out, she was just across the parking lot in the sake complex I live in.

 

The idea that he left me, with no real explanation or reason and traded our relationship and my Pregnancy in, to be with her. I knew he had moved on with someone else, but I had no idea that the person lived here in the same complex as me! That is entirely too close for comfort. I've been trying to heal and move on from him, but that just really shattered my Heart seeing that.

My eyes are puffy from crying and I feel horrible. I wish I had not seen them at all. What should I do? Please give me some advice...

[Wolfshook]

He's clearly an idiot, just continue living your life,don't hate either of them ,just try and forget them both. You will soon get a wonderfull thing in your life, nothing can make you so happy like childrens laugh.

[ParisPaulette]

What you do is go get yourself an attorney to work out child support and visitation rights. Then you maybe see if there are any counseling groups or someone you could see and talk to as a single mom. You rally your own family and friends to your side, and if you don't have those you actively go out and seek others in your same position who maybe could become a support network.

 

You plan for this baby. You read this how to on maintaining NC when you have kids, you tell your ex he is only expected to be a father and other than that you want nothing to do with him. And if he states he wants to terminate parental rights altogether you seriously consider it, because he sounds like he is too irresponsible to be a father and expected you to act as a harem to him rather than giving a sh(( about his kid.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. It is horrible when you realize you've picked the wrong person to have in your life, but you can recover. I say dry your eyes, be glad you saw this because now you know any other ideas in your head are a fantasy, and he did indeed show his true colors to you prior to this.

 

So now you need to think of him as a sperm donor who will either be legally responsible, and you do that totally through the courts and an attorney NOT on your own where he can lie and manipulate you, OR you terminate all rights and tell him he never comes near either of you again.

 

And you heal and you learn from the experience, because surely there were other red flags before all this that you likely ignored or explained away.

 

Regardless, the biggest thing right now is you have a child on the way. You do not need an overgrown one in your life too, one who should have grown the hell up a long time ago, but instead appears to be stuck somewhere in the eternal toddler stage. Cute in a toddler, not so much in a grown-a$$ man. And you need to accept that this is this guy's largest problem, he's a child. He is no more ready to be a parent and a responsible adult than a toddler would be.

 

So stop counting on him, either you take him to court and make him fulfill his obligations legally OR you end it all together. Either way your child is your bigger concern, how to give them a happy life. And no, they don't need a bad father to have a good life. Far, far, FAR from it as anyone who ever had childhood trauma connected to a parent will tell you.

[Tinydance]

Holy Christ, your bf sounds like a complete sociopath! I can't believe he planned a baby with you and then just did a total flip out on you! Does he have any mental health issues? I know you're really hurting, but I think you should just cut him off for good, unless he's willing to put his name on the birth certificate and pay child support. If he's not willing to do that, don't talk to him, and don't let him see the child. He does not deserve you or the baby. What he did to you is despicable, he can't just disappear on you with no explanation and offer you no help through pregnancy, then still want to sleep with you while he has another girlfriend! What a vile human being!

[catfeeder]

You've got bigger fish to fry than that idiot. What are your plans for yourself and your baby? Are you working, and do you intend to stay on your own, or will you move in with family?

 

Focus on your own stuff and minimize his importance. I know that simple and easy are not the same things, but you've got your own plans to make, and I think you've smartly ruled him out of them.