Texting is a Form of Cheating

[carmen21]

Hello,

 

I caught my husband lying to me about texting another female. I asked him and he lied to me and I caught him by looking up text messages online through our cellphone provider. I asked him and he lied. Then, I told him I know he is lying because I saw them online and he was like so.....it's JUST A COWORKER!!! This same co-worker wanted to get to know me and hang out, but I still didn't trust it, because they would always text. WE hung out once and she was okay, she just talked my head off and we didn't have anything in common, so we never hung out anymore. I felt liked he loved texting her more than talking to his own wife. My husband and I were beefing as well around the time and his response to that was well you wouldn't talk to me. ??? Anyway we got through that situation, well I still have mixed feelings about it, but is this not cheating? Him lying to me about it? What else has he lied about if he lied about something so supposedly small..He did eventually stopped talking to her when I threatened to divorce him and he said he stopped texting her and he did. So should I just chill or leave? His co-worker said she thought of him as a brother, but I hate when people give each other labels, bc I don't trust it. I feel like he has never had my back in other situations as well, I feel like he made me look crazy when I told her to stop texting him, she said no, then that's when I threatened to leave him. I Still can't believe that she said she wasn't going to stop texting him, like this makes me feel like it was something else going on. she also had a fight with her husband and they ended up splitting(they are now divorced).....and she ended up moving 2 doors down from where we stayed. ?? Did she tell housing she wanted to stay close by or something? I wonder what she and her husband fought about bc they ended up calling the cops. Did the husband find out she was cheating on him? Could it have been with my husband? So now I always feel like he's still texting other women and I don't trust him. He said I can go online and check the cellphone provider records and ask him if I have a problem with whatever number and he will let me see the text or whatever but he's not going to let me go through his phone bc he's not a child. I'm not trying to treat him like a child, but he did lie to me about texting a "coworker". IF it was nothing then he could have said oh im texting so and so.....but he didn't. I even had him look me in the eye and tell me and he still lied to me in my face and said no im not texting other women. ?? I don't think I can ever trust him again and it is ruining our relationship. What should I do? I just feel like I always put men in their place and he's doesn't do the same for me. He likes to befriend women for some reason. He also added his ex-gf back on facebook. I found out by facebook timeline and Im like ??? And he said he didn't have any bad blood between her when he did before bc he blocked her and then now refriend her. I told him to delete her and he did but I Feel like this "guy" is making me look crazy...He said he know sees how I took it. ?? One more thing....He doesn't wear his wedding ring......yep!! but, it is too big and he said it always falls off....it does.......so he has a point but why hasn't he even considered getting another ring?? He states it's my job to get him one. but it's not like he's bugging me to get him one either....is this my responsibility?? also, we have discussed divorce and he threatened to leave the country and take a job overseas, i told him he would not be hurting me, but his daughter, he didn't care. So I don't know if he said that out of anger or he actually meant it. What dad what purposely want to be stationed overseas and you have a daughter? I dont think he cares....Should I move on?

[LC8328]

Here's a broken down version of your post for easier reading.

 

 

Hello,

 

I caught my husband lying to me about texting another female.

 

I asked him and he lied to me and I caught him by looking up text messages online through our cellphone provider. I asked him and he lied. Then, I told him I know he is lying because I saw them online and he was like so.....it's JUST A COWORKER!!! This same co-worker wanted to get to know me and hang out, but I still didn't trust it, because they would always text. WE hung out once and she was okay, she just talked my head off and we didn't have anything in common, so we never hung out anymore.

 

I felt liked he loved texting her more than talking to his own wife. My husband and I were beefing as well around the time and his response to that was well you wouldn't talk to me. ??? Anyway we got through that situation, well I still have mixed feelings about it, but is this not cheating? Him lying to me about it? What else has he lied about if he lied about something so supposedly small..He did eventually stopped talking to her when I threatened to divorce him and he said he stopped texting her and he did.

 

So should I just chill or leave? His co-worker said she thought of him as a brother, but I hate when people give each other labels, bc I don't trust it. I feel like he has never had my back in other situations as well, I feel like he made me look crazy when I told her to stop texting him, she said no, then that's when I threatened to leave him. I Still can't believe that she said she wasn't going to stop texting him, like this makes me feel like it was something else going on.

 

she also had a fight with her husband and they ended up splitting(they are now divorced).....and she ended up moving 2 doors down from where we stayed. ?? Did she tell housing she wanted to stay close by or something? I wonder what she and her husband fought about bc they ended up calling the cops. Did the husband find out she was cheating on him? Could it have been with my husband?

 

So now I always feel like he's still texting other women and I don't trust him. He said I can go online and check the cellphone provider records and ask him if I have a problem with whatever number and he will let me see the text or whatever but he's not going to let me go through his phone bc he's not a child. I'm not trying to treat him like a child, but he did lie to me about texting a "coworker". IF it was nothing then he could have said oh im texting so and so.....but he didn't. I even had him look me in the eye and tell me and he still lied to me in my face and said no im not texting other women. ?? I don't think I can ever trust him again and it is ruining our relationship.

 

What should I do? I just feel like I always put men in their place and he's doesn't do the same for me. He likes to befriend women for some reason. He also added his ex-gf back on facebook. I found out by facebook timeline and Im like ??? And he said he didn't have any bad blood between her when he did before bc he blocked her and then now refriend her. I told him to delete her and he did but I Feel like this "guy" is making me look crazy...He said he know sees how I took it. ??

 

One more thing....He doesn't wear his wedding ring......yep!! but, it is too big and he said it always falls off....it does.......so he has a point but why hasn't he even considered getting another ring?? He states it's my job to get him one. but it's not like he's bugging me to get him one either....is this my responsibility?? also, we have discussed divorce and he threatened to leave the country and take a job overseas, i told him he would not be hurting me, but his daughter, he didn't care. So I don't know if he said that out of anger or he actually meant it. What dad what purposely want to be stationed overseas and you have a daughter? I dont think he cares....Should I move on?

[LC8328]

Wow. Okay. Has he always been this way, befriending women?

 

He seems very adverse to your feelings. And if his wedding ring doesn't fit, then get it resized. It's not that difficult.

 

I am really sorry to say this to you, but it sounds like he has one foot out the door in this marriage.

 

I'm curious as to the history of your relationship. Has he ever been kind and considerate? Have there been trust issues in the past?

[carmen21]

The wedding ring is cheap and I don't even remember where we bought it, so he would need a new one. It doesn't have to be expensive. Should I be responsible for that, or should he? Y do you say he has one foot out the door? He was kind at first, but I also found out things I was unaware of after we got married. I found out he got other girls numbers and all he had to say about that was so... and he got mad at my sister when she tried to hook me up with another guy, meanwhile he over here flirting with other women and I completely stopped talking to other guys I had previous relationships with. I know we were not married and you can technically talk to you want, but we made it known that we were in a relationship with just us two. When I am in a relationship, I am only with that one person and for him he says that he would leave if he wanted to cheat or not be with me, but I'm not so sure.

 

We are a military family and we are about to be stationed somewhere at the end of the year so why would he be have one foot out the door? We have discussed divorce many times. I am bad about threatening to divorce him, but I don't say it anymore bc I know it's wrong, but in the back of my head I have mixed feelings about everything. Y do you have to be so friendly to women? Like, I am friendly, but I also know how to say no. However, I think he does get where I am coming from with not having female friends, I still think we are not on the same page. I own that I did not make the best decision to marry him. If I could go back I wouldn't do it, but now I don't want to just give up either, and when is enough, enough?

 

I think we need a break! Separation! But, If I don't trust him now, I'm not going to trust him on a separation. We either married or we are getting divorced!

 

 

Wow. Okay. Has he always been this way, befriending women?

 

He seems very adverse to your feelings. And if his wedding ring doesn't fit, then get it resized. It's not that difficult.

 

I am really sorry to say this to you, but it sounds like he has one foot out the door in this marriage.

 

I'm curious as to the history of your relationship. Has he ever been kind and considerate? Have there been trust issues in the past?

[catfeeder]

The wedding ring is cheap and I don't even remember where we bought it, so he would need a new one. It doesn't have to be expensive. Should I be responsible for that, or should he?

 

What does this have to do with anything? You both sound miserable in this marriage--so unless that changes, why would either of you want to spend more money on a piece of jewelry?

[Lester]

It's not about the phone, messages, social media, neighbors, ubiquitous women, his threats, rings etc.

Instead, its about him breaking the vows/promises he made to you on your wedding day.

 

It so, yes he's cheating on you, which in turn makes you a member of a non-marriage.

Band-Aids won't fix it, knowledge might.

 

Secretly purchase James Dobson's "Love must be Tough" (Never let him see this book, and forget what you think you know about TL.)

[bulletproof]

I don't think texting is a form of cheating, no.

I do think that your marriage has way more problems than your husband texting a coworker and having an ex-gf on his fb timeline.

Have you considered marriage counseling for the arguing and lack of trust in your marriage?

[ParisPaulette]

Depends on what he was texting the woman. If it's a simple, "Julie, please have those documents ready for me by Monday, the Big Boss is up my butt about it" that's not cheating. If he's texting, "Sooo, when are we going to give our spouses the slip and get bizzay" that's cheating.

 

Apart from that this guy sounds like a total nightmare. And don't be a chump and buy him an expensive piece of jewelry. For once, and I cannot believe I'm even saying this, look him dead in the eye and tell him, "It's a man's job to buy the wedding rings OR we go half and half and go together to pick out a set and you put in your half and I put in my half if you aren't happy with your ring." (DISCLOSURE: My husband and I went half and half on rings we designed. No one gets to whine the other has a more expensive/better/you should anything 'cause we just were not going to go there, mkay?)

 

What would be better to me though would be to get out of this joke of a relationship BEFORE you end up saddled with kids. But that's just me and I learned a long time ago not to waste time with disloyal people.

 

You can ask for marriage counseling, but given his being so truth challenged my feeling is it wouldn't do a bit of good or he'd leave the minute the therapist, if they're any good, called him on his crap.

[tattoobunnie]

My hubby was texting this girl a year ago, and a year before that. I had my hand squeezing the life-force out of his balls. Don't take that behavior. Emotional affairs do not benefit your relationship together. That if he wants to keep texting these women, "there's the door." Don't be afraid - and don't take his punkarse behavior another day. If it's not good for the marriage, he shouldn't be doing it. Frame it this way, are you cool with me texting men all day and night, and not telling you about it too?

 

My hubby and I don't wear wedding rings, and either do my folks...rings don't stop a man or woman from keeping it in their pants. RESPECT does!

[Lester]

...I learned a long time ago not to waste time with disloyal people.

 

Yes Paris, but wouldn't that put us and ena out of a job?

[ParisPaulette]

Yes Paris, but wouldn't that put us and ena out of a job?

 

And this is one time I pray for unemployment, actually. I mean, I"m not getting paid, but still it would give me more time to drink margaritas and chuckle evilly to myself when I hear/see yet another toxic person get put in their place. I actually would love world peace and knowing that people everywhere out there had finally said in one united voice, "Enough of your BS!"

 

But alas, each new generation must make their own mistakes. Some of us older one too, for that matter.