Why am i feeling like this?

[can1328]

It's been several months since the break up of a 6 year relationship. It ended in June/early July. Last time we had contact was back in November. I kept it very brief. It was only due to a death in a mutual friends family. All contact prior to that was ignored by me. I was told by my best friend she got engaged at Christmas. She has since moved in with her new guy. I do not try to follow or find out any information about her. I blocked her on all social media. But sometimes I come across some things. Lately I have been feeling really emotional about all this. It's almost like it doesn't seem real still...but it's been so long? I don't really get why I still feel like this about her. She was a terrible partner to me. She did blatantly mean things to me.

 

I find myself getting somewhat emotional listening to sad songs. I was doing very well for a long time. But this past week has just really got to me. I even have some girls that have been aggressive in looking to go on a few dates and hang out. I almost have no want to go down that road and start the dating life. Yet I wish I had a significant other. I'm so confused with my emotions. I think about my ex an awful lot. The crazy thing is that I thought I accepted it being over. I mean, she's engaged. She's living with her new fiance in another state. There's literally a 0% chance of us being together again. I can't figure out my emotions.

 

I was doing great. A few down moments here and there but I have no explanation for the feelings I'm having as of late. I'd love some advice for people who have been in my position.

[Clinton]

You're feeling this way because a 6 year relationship ended. That's a fairly significant chunk of time. One study pegged healing from the end of a significant relationship at about 18 months, 12 to feel better and another 6 or so to be really past it. That's average though. Some take less some more.

 

My friends and I took roughly that after our divorces. Healings a marathon, not a sprint. You feel better slowly over time. And you cycle back though the emotions, it's not a linear journey.

 

Everyone is different, but staying single when you're confused can help bring about clarity.

 

I stayed active. I hiked, canoed, camped, biked, you name it. And after the first bit, I felt really good about myself and enjoyed my life. I stayed totally single for three years. Still look back on that time with fondness.

 

Hang in. I promise it gets better. Just probably not as quickly as you'd like.

[skyhop333]

I've been in your position in the past... long ago past lets say. What your feeling is unrequited feelings. Sometimes we often forget the bad things someone has done to us because we are merely lonely and wish we had the "good" back in our lives that others once gave us.

 

Your just feeling alone right now and it's cloaking itself under the guise of you missing her.. the fact is she is engaged and moved on. She seems happy while you are not. She broke you and she's allowing someone to love her...

 

I had an ex do this to me and it hurt very much. I had to fight to move on emotionally but it was damn well worth all of my effort.

 

You need to take some time and write down everything bad that happened and remind yourself that you dogged a bullet. You might be alone right now, but the fact is, you will move on and love again. Maybe the right person next time. Six years is a hard investment for anyone to make.

 

My current boyfriend had the same thing happen to him from a six year relationship and she even lived with him while she cheated on him, and used his own inadequacies to justify her cheating, left him and moved on with someone else.

 

You will love again. Move on from her emotionally and realize your worth more than she can give. You just need time to heal and tell your friends you don't need to hear about her life.

 

Just food for thought..... My boyfriend... to me is my heart... so I am glad the ex left the way she did... she didn't realize she left one hell of a good man and he's mine. I love him dearly. This could happen to you. There's a woman out there who is going to love you and not leave you. The right woman. The better woman who will erase any scars that your ex left behind. You'll realize one day and ask yourself.... "I am glad she left or I would never have this..."

 

Let the sad songs go. You've got a lot to look forward to whether you know it now or not.

[DoF]

Poor mental diversion or lack of it.

 

Do a search with my name on above and read my posts. You are sabotaging your healing by allowing thoughts of her to remain/flourish. You need to deflect those thoughts and divert your mind to something else.

[Simply Alive]

I think the best way to handle it is to keep yourself engaged whether in work, with friends or even television for that matter. You'll realize that as soon you'll have little time to think, you get miserable and the chain of thinking about your ex starts. And yes to get over the old memories you have to create new ones. I know that you don't feel like dating and trusting someone else is tough. But give it a try. As it is said fake it to make it!

[catfeeder]

Your just feeling alone right now and it's cloaking itself under the guise of you missing her..[...]

 

Let the sad songs go. You've got a lot to look forward to whether you know it now or not.

 

Yep. It's not that your feelings aren't valid or natural for only 6 months, but you're nursing them in the wrong direction with the sad songs.

 

I find it far easier to make my bad times about being useful to other people, so I reach out and volunteer myself even though I don't really 'feel' like it. I make this time all about to them, not me. It doesn't matter what I 'do,' such as helping someone clean up their yard or garage, treating someone to a lunch or brunch, taking a walk with someone and just listening to them rather than trying to entertain them.

 

This strengthens my bonds with people while preventing me from ruminating and drilling a deeper pit that I'll need to climb out of.

 

When you can't ascend, just keep active with people and tread water so you can ascend later--don't sink yourself into a lonely hole and then wonder why ascending is so difficult.

 

Head high.