Shane Falco Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 You own a women when you give her first orgasam, not just sex Definitely much closer to the truth than what I quoted Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Give a guy his first bj, and you will need a court order to,get rid of him Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 YOU think it was true love. Apparently SHE doesn't. And since you didn't come to that realization until she'd had enough of your indifferent treatment, I can't blame her if she's skeptical. Why do so many people decide someone's the love of their life only after they lose that person because they got tired of being taken for granted? And you BOTH have to want to get back together in order for you to get back together! You can't "show" her, she has to come to that decision on her own. I think this post nailed it. Link to comment
Soniafahin Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 I miss my ex even after 8 years, i wish i had tried harder with him. So try your best to get het back so you dont regret it in the future😊 All the best! Link to comment
BlarneyStone Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Meh. I think some of the posters here strike on impulse when they read "I took her for granted." It depends on the situation and context. If you're clearly ignoring her and not wanting to see her and just generally not reciprocating anything, and it's been happening for a good while, then yeah, get the boot. But sometimes I'm not sure if the girl is always understanding. Life can get in the way. And you're not the center of the universe. We don't know HOW he took her for granted, unless I missed a post somewhere. In a two year relationship, you should be able to take each other for granted to an extent. That's the hallmark of a mature relationship. Maybe OP's ex didn't realize that. Maybe she had unfair and unrealistic expectations for him. I mean, things are inevitably going to die down after two years. For all we know, she could've been Little Miss Needs Attention 24/7 and if so, get gone. You'd be better off without her. I wouldn't be surprised if this is what actually happened. "Treats me like gold." Yeah, sounds real needy to me. Link to comment
Shane Falco Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Meh. I think some of the posters here strike on impulse when they read "I took her for granted." It depends on the situation and context. If you're clearly ignoring her and not wanting to see her and just generally not reciprocating anything, and it's been happening for a good while, then yeah, get the boot. But sometimes I'm not sure if the girl is always understanding. Life can get in the way. And you're not the center of the universe. We don't know HOW he took her for granted, unless I missed a post somewhere. In a two year relationship, you should be able to take each other for granted to an extent. That's the hallmark of a mature relationship. Maybe OP's ex didn't realize that. Maybe she had unfair and unrealistic expectations for him. I mean, things are inevitably going to die down after two years. For all we know, she could've been Little Miss Needs Attention 24/7 and if so, get gone. You'd be better off without her. I wouldn't be surprised if this is what actually happened. "Treats me like gold." Yeah, sounds real needy to me. She's with someone else. It really doesn't matter what the degree of it was -- she got out and she's been with someone else for several months. It's not about assigning blame; it's about the fact that they are broken up and there is no indication from her that she regrets that. Link to comment
Krankor Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 OP; I'm in no way knocking the other posters on this site, as I think they are just giving their honest opinions, but I have found that many of them tend to for some reason default towards telling you that things aren't going to work, you aren't going to get what you want, so forget it and don't even try. That's mostly the sort of advice I got when I posted about wanting to rekindle and old flame and I'm now REALLY glad that I didn't follow their advice as I went for it and things are progressing nicely. If things ultimately don't end up working out in the end for me with her, I can live with that because at least I tried. So yes, I believe that if you want to try to get an ex back, you should. Do I think you have a great chance based on what you've posted? Not really; just being honest. In my experience once a woman is done, she's done. And it sounds like she's happy and has moved on. But you don't know for sure unless you try, so, if you want her back, go for it. The two most important things are that you do it with dignity (no crying, groveling, begging, etc.) and that you respect boundaries. That means you take "no" for an answer and if she doesn't want to talk, you don't start hounding her with texts, emails, vms, etc. If you can get her to agree to meet you somewhere in person, that would be best. If not, then just tell her over the phone or leave a text or vm telling her how you feel. Just don't get your hopes too high and be prepared to be disappointed. But at least then you'll know you tried. But if the answer is "no" it's time to accept that you're never getting this girl back and move on with your life. Link to comment
Mushyheart421 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 Meh. I think some of the posters here strike on impulse when they read "I took her for granted." It depends on the situation and context. If you're clearly ignoring her and not wanting to see her and just generally not reciprocating anything, and it's been happening for a good while, then yeah, get the boot. But sometimes I'm not sure if the girl is always understanding. Life can get in the way. And you're not the center of the universe. We don't know HOW he took her for granted, unless I missed a post somewhere. In a two year relationship, you should be able to take each other for granted to an extent. That's the hallmark of a mature relationship. Maybe OP's ex didn't realize that. Maybe she had unfair and unrealistic expectations for him. I mean, things are inevitably going to die down after two years. For all we know, she could've been Little Miss Needs Attention 24/7 and if so, get gone. You'd be better off without her. I wouldn't be surprised if this is what actually happened. "Treats me like gold." Yeah, sounds real needy to me. That's exactly how it was!! Thank you spot on. Me not knowing how to handle that constant need on top of being new to 21 and her being upset about me going out to bars and showing her caring pushed me to be a jerk and careless when she got upset because she was always upset so I stopped taking it as serious. Listen neither of us were perfect I just think I could of stopped a lot of our issues by thinking more about the big picture than I did. I have a different outlook now on relationships than I did and I have grown and learned. I won't try to move mountains to get her back and I deff do have enough respect to not try and steal her from her bf but I do care and will hit her up from time to time just to talk to her and see how her life is. A few times a year or until I feel it's a lost cause. Link to comment
Mushyheart421 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 OP; I'm in no way knocking the other posters on this site, as I think they are just giving their honest opinions, but I have found that many of them tend to for some reason default towards telling you that things aren't going to work, you aren't going to get what you want, so forget it and don't even try. That's mostly the sort of advice I got when I posted about wanting to rekindle and old flame and I'm now REALLY glad that I didn't follow their advice as I went for it and things are progressing nicely. If things ultimately don't end up working out in the end for me with her, I can live with that because at least I tried. So yes, I believe that if you want to try to get an ex back, you should. Do I think you have a great chance based on what you've posted? Not really; just being honest. In my experience once a woman is done, she's done. And it sounds like she's happy and has moved on. But you don't know for sure unless you try, so, if you want her back, go for it. The two most important things are that you do it with dignity (no crying, groveling, begging, etc.) and that you respect boundaries. That means you take "no" for an answer and if she doesn't want to talk, you don't start hounding her with texts, emails, vms, etc. If you can get her to agree to meet you somewhere in person, that would be best. If not, then just tell her over the phone or leave a text or vm telling her how you feel. Just don't get your hopes too high and be prepared to be disappointed. But at least then you'll know you tried. But if the answer is "no" it's time to accept that you're never getting this girl back and move on with your life. Thanks for keeping it real and not being absolutely bitter like a few of the others. You summed up how I'm going about things. It would be nice to have her back because I do really believe it's not over for her and I but I'm not gonna go drive myself insane or pressure her for that goal. Link to comment
BlarneyStone Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 She's with someone else. It really doesn't matter what the degree of it was -- she got out and she's been with someone else for several months. It's not about assigning blame; it's about the fact that they are broken up and there is no indication from her that she regrets that. I get that she's with someone else. I was specifically talking about how quick some posters are to judge the situation and put the OP in the wrong, especially the women here. They are not owed the universe. We have the right to live our lives with them in our backgrounds. OP came here for help and guidance, not to be ridiculed further. My guidance is he's better off without her because she was probably too needy and didn't understand that the flame can taper off after two years of being together. Instead, some posters here expect you to treat her like a queen indefinitely. There's going to be bumps and dry spells. It's inevitable. I've never seen a thread on here or anywhere else where the girl took the guy "for granted" and he left her because of it. But there sure as hell is a lot of threads with the genders reversed. I'm not saying that it's not justifiable sometimes. But a lot of times it's all in a woman's head and they need to chill out. Case in point, OP seems pretty guilty and sorrowful about the whole thing where, in my opinion, he shouldn't. Good riddance. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 I wasn't being as thoughtful or as caring towards her as I should of been. I think she also was having issues trusting me. Well, since OP didn't go into specifics, and since no one even asked why she had problems trusting him ---- since her previous bf was very thoughtful/not abusive --- it would seem that he took the relationship for granted. And when one does that --- the outcome is generally the woman walking away and finding someone who won't. Link to comment
BlarneyStone Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Trust issues probably because he was going out to the bars with his buddies after turning 21, which is perfectly fine to do, as long as he kept to his company. Link to comment
Krankor Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Meh. I think some of the posters here strike on impulse when they read "I took her for granted." It depends on the situation and context. If you're clearly ignoring her and not wanting to see her and just generally not reciprocating anything, and it's been happening for a good while, then yeah, get the boot. But sometimes I'm not sure if the girl is always understanding. Life can get in the way. And you're not the center of the universe. We don't know HOW he took her for granted, unless I missed a post somewhere. In a two year relationship, you should be able to take each other for granted to an extent. That's the hallmark of a mature relationship. Maybe OP's ex didn't realize that. Maybe she had unfair and unrealistic expectations for him. I mean, things are inevitably going to die down after two years. For all we know, she could've been Little Miss Needs Attention 24/7 and if so, get gone. You'd be better off without her. I wouldn't be surprised if this is what actually happened. "Treats me like gold." Yeah, sounds real needy to me. I had an ex like that. The woman was a bottomless pit when it came to attention. It was like trying to fill up a bucket with water that was full of holes. You'd fill it and it would be empty seconds later. No matter how much attention that woman got, it was never enough. To this day she swears up and down that I completely neglected her, which was garbage. If I was doing my own thing for so much as ten minutes, she'd start freaking out on me. OP, if your ex was like this, you really don't want her back. She will drain the life out of you. Link to comment
Mushyheart421 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 Trust issues probably because he was going out to the bars with his buddies after turning 21, which is perfectly fine to do, as long as he kept to his company. You hit the nail right on the head... That's exactly what i happened. I think we were both wrong but I could of done more to reassure her and also after she was constantly upset I got used to her being that way and stopped taking her emotions serious. I didn't cheat but I broke her trust by hitting up one of her friends. She was never comfortable with me going to bars or anything like that and needed tons of effort. No RELATIONSHIP is perfect and especially not when your talking about people 18-24. It's a huge transition period of your life's but indefinitely one day down the road I just wanna cross paths with another shot at that. I know I've grown and I'm sure she has too. Link to comment
Mushyheart421 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 I'd like to think people do come back, just women less than men... This is the convos I was aiming for when I created this thread and not all the "your wrong, don't do that, she's gone" negative stuff that everyone had to say in the start. I'm totally open to opinion and advice but this life and anythings possible. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Is she still friends with her friend that you "hit up"? What do you mean by "hit up" BTW? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 I'm confused. Are you trying to say that an 18 yr old guy doesn't knowing that hitting up his gfs friend when he is out at a bar without out her is remotely acceptable behavior? Link to comment
Mushyheart421 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 No I'm relaying the message that we're humans an make mistakes... We aren't born with wisdom. No I wasn't out at a bar when I did that either I texted that girl and my gf felt betrayed because I had a sexual history with her. They used to be friends before we dated... I did a few things with girl 1 while the two were still friends. Then a year or so later they slowly grew apart and stopped being friends completely and I went ahead and dated my ex which even further drew them apart. I texted girl 1 while we were together being a little to friendly. Link to comment
Shane Falco Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 I'd like to think people do come back, just women less than men... This is the convos I was aiming for when I created this thread and not all the "your wrong, don't do that, she's gone" negative stuff that everyone had to say in the start. I'm totally open to opinion and advice but this life and anythings possible. Well, she is gone. I mean, she's with another guy and has been with him for several months and hasn't shown any indication that she regrets breaking up with you. It's not negative -- it's being realistic. I'm sorry we aren't telling you that you have a chance, but if you stepped back, you'd see why. Hell, even the posters who are railing on the "negativity" of this site don't really think you have much of a leg to stand on. It sucks, but we'd be doing you a disservice by blowing smoke up your butt and telling you what you want to hear. The relationship ended months ago, she hasn't initiated conversation with you in several months, and she's been with another guy (the same guy, not dating around) for a while now. I'm sorry dude, it doesn't look good and you're better off moving forward and letting life happen. Anything's possible -- some dude just won $1 billion in the Powerball lottery last week or whenever -- but right now, your odds are not much better than a lottery ticket. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 No I'm relaying the message that we're humans an make mistakes... We aren't born with wisdom. No I wasn't out at a bar when I did that either I texted that girl and my gf felt betrayed because I had a sexual history with her. They used to be friends before we dated... I did a few things with girl 1 while the two were still friends. Then a year or so later they slowly grew apart and stopped being friends completely and I went ahead and dated my ex which even further drew them apart. I texted girl 1 while we were together being a little to friendly. But it's important to understand that a "mistake" (and if you deliberately texted that girl and it wasn't a butt text, it wasn't a "mistake") can have lasting implications. I presume "being a little too friendly" means you flirted or made some kind of sexual reference. Yeah, not easy to forgive or forget. Yes, those things will cause "trust issues". She may not want to be back with someone who texted her friend behind her back. I know I wouldn't. But, if you feel like you have to try one more time, then try one more time. If she says "no", then you have your answer. Link to comment
skern Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Leave her be. You need to focus on you and healing yourself. If she is going to come back it will happen, but not until you are in a different place and essentially a different person. Obviously with hindsight your first mistake was taking her for granted, but the your second mistake was the begging pleading. Keep your dignity and leave it be. If you work on yourself, I guarantee things will fall into place. Find help keeping focus if need be. Link to comment
BlarneyStone Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 No I'm relaying the message that we're humans an make mistakes... We aren't born with wisdom. No I wasn't out at a bar when I did that either I texted that girl and my gf felt betrayed because I had a sexual history with her. They used to be friends before we dated... I did a few things with girl 1 while the two were still friends. Then a year or so later they slowly grew apart and stopped being friends completely and I went ahead and dated my ex which even further drew them apart. I texted girl 1 while we were together being a little to friendly. Well...I was on your side until I read this. Link to comment
Mushyheart421 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 Well...I was on your side until I read this. Hahaha you know what all of you said good things. I have been more worried about me and focused on me. I have heard from her, and even heard her say things were just different with me. Anythings possible but I'm not breaking my heart waiting for her. Link to comment
Mushyheart421 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 Well...I was on your side until I read this. We dated for awhile after that happened but I don't think she ever truly got over that. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 We dated for awhile after that happened but I don't think she ever truly got over that. No big surprise there. You took her for granted, then you texted a girl you used to be "sexual" with during your relationship. "Being too friendly" by your own admission. I guess it's easy to brush these things off as "mistakes" when you were the one doing it. Not so easy when you've been on the receiving end. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.