UPDATE! What to make of this recent text message!

[theREALdusman]

Hey everyone,

Thought I'd give an update on what's been happening. So if you read my previous post, the last time i spoke to my ex gf is when I told her that the only reason that we should meet up again is to talk about us getting back together. Since then I've been standing my ground & feeling good about it, even though I still think about her all the time, and yes, I still want her back...but I also know that desperate times call for desperate measures, and I can't lose my self respect.

 

Anyway, she texted me asking whether or not I still have a jacket that her brother gave her at my place, and wants to catch up to grab it. She also needed to grab an application form she left also. This is pretty much what the text said, and this is what I replied:

 

 

 

Ex-Girlfriend: My brother asked if I still wear the jacket he got for me. Do you know if you still have it? I can't find it.

 

ME: I can post the jacket in the mail. Where do you want it sent?

 

Ex-Girlfriend: No it's ok. I can pick it up in person next week with the application form.

 

ME: I'll send you the application form with the jacket.

 

Ex-Girlfriend: Oh ok...no problem. Send it to "so and so". I don't know where I am half the time. Otherwise I can grab it all in person. Up to you.

 

ME: I'll put it in the mail next week with the jacket.

 

Ex-Girlfriend: Ok no problem. Thank you.

 

 

 

I'd like to think that I was just reinforcing what I told her the last time, which was the only conversation I care about is about us getting back together and that she can't have it both ways. Was this her way of reaching out, or is she looking for my attention since I've been off the grid?...I don't want to keep going through the same dead end I did last time I saw her, which is why last time I told her it's all or nothing.

 

I still love her & want her back, but only if she's as serious as i am.

 

 

Anyway, I'd like to know everyone's point on this recent text and if I'm doing the right thing. I'm just keeping things calm, cool and brief.

[Hollyj]

Great job!!!!!!! You handled it perfectly!

[nuttybuddy]

she was feeling you out to see if you would crumble under her spell of seeing her again. she likes to make sure you are still wrapped around her finger. but since you stood your ground, she should be impressed that you meant what you said. she knows that since you said that the only way you would talk to her is if she would get back together with you, she knows she can frolick around as long as she wants with whomever she wants and return to you IF she feels like it cuz she knows you said you want to get back together.

 

you shouldn't have kept that door open for her to return at any time. you should have told her the break up was a break up and that's it. if she felt like she couldn't handle being away from you, she would have contacted you.

 

but now, you're pining over her... waiting secretly for that day for her to return. wake up! she may never come back. in fact, she may find a guy she likes MORE than you. i bet you can't even imagine that. but it's true.

 

if she wants to get back with you, she knows what to do. she's not dumb. she'll say/text/let you know "we need to talk." there's no 'what if' she's still into me nonsense. she'll come straight forward to let you know that she wants you and only you. right now, she's playing the field. she wants to see what's out there for her cuz you're not her ideal man. Oooo i know that hurts. but it's true. why would she ever leave her ideal man? think about that.

 

the truth hurts and here it is: she's just not that into you.

 

so stop crying over her. she's not worth it. you should find a woman who thinks just as highly of you as you do of her. there's plenty of fish in the sea. she ain't all that. trust me.

[ThatwasThen]

Yes you handled it all very well so no second guessing yourself.

 

Now, she's not asking to get back with you so now is the time for you to accept that it's over and to stop hoping that your no contact is a strategy to get her back and conclude that it's a strategy to get over her.

 

Good on you for maintaining a good personal boundary. Cheers!

[beautifulzen]

She was testing the waters. You responded perfectly. No second guessing.

[mhowe]

She texted you to get her jacket, get her application and see if you would jump when she said jump.

 

You surprised her by shutting her down.

[Iggy5129]

She wanted her jacket. That's it. If anyone else sent you that message you'd see it for what it really is, she just wants the jacket back.

[ParisPaulette]

You handled it perfectly. She wanted the jacket sure, but she also wanted to know you'd leap to have a reason to meet with her OR she wouldn't have kept pushing to meet with you to get the items back. This does not mean she wants you back, only that she wants to know that if she should change her mind at any point in the future you're willing to go back on your word, let her go back on hers, and be a backup boy.

 

Nuh-uh. Stick to your guns, she knows full well the terms you laid out for her. It's a bit of a powerplay and her getting an item she wants back all rolled into one.

[HeartGoesOn]

Well done!

 

Self-respect speaks volumes...

[ThatwasThen]

She wanted her jacket. That's it. If anyone else sent you that message you'd see it for what it really is, she just wants the jacket back.

 

I think the point, no matter what Her motive or intention, is that OP was with enough self respect to handle it on his terms, not hers. That's testament to his self respect.

[Lady Amalthea]

Greatly done!!!!

[Hls923]

Good job!!!! I, too, sent the "don't contact me in any way unless it's to discuss reconciliation" text 3 days ago after making the mistake for meeting up after 15 days of NC because he really wanted to "talk, not text"......and I stupidly fell for it. Thought it was positive sign. It was just breadcrumbs.......no more!!!! I have blocked him from my phone-and it feels GREAT not to keep checking my phone hoping for a message from him..... I did get a strange notification from Trivia Crack with his name, but went I went to the app there was nothing there....and I WILL NOT contact him to see what it was about.....

 

Stay Strong and lean on ENA. The people here are a Wonderful resource!!! A great mix of sympathy and kicks in the a** !!!!

[LovelyDani87]

Wow great job!