cleverme123 Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 Well after much deliberation I now know the facts as it stands with the hubby. I cried about it, got upset about it, and now it's time to do something about it!!!! I have the proof I have the evidence of what is going on and the thing is, the more I ask him the more he lies, he becomes violent with me. So........ I decided now it's time to pretend I am stupid. I am going to let him think I don't know about the cell calls and the emails, the yahoo things. I ain't even going to pay attention to him. Not going to call him, not nothing. I figure if he is just waiting for me to stand here so he can sucker punch me and laugh in my face he's wrong. The more angry he gets at me the more he will run to her. So if I don't make him angry, he ain't got nothing to talk to her about. And if I ain't paying attention then he has to fight for my attention. Why not play his game back and make him question if he has me or not? Does this sound like a good idea? Link to comment
Caldus Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 How about instead you catch him red handed with empirical evidence of his involvement with another girl instead of making the situation worse on yourself? Obviously if you found out for sure that he's involved with someone else then you can find this evidence and show it to him. Why let him continue with this? He seems interested in someone else so catch him and then make him talk about it. This might mean something is wrong with the current relationship. You two need to eventually do "the talk" and then you need to find out whether this relationship is still worth it in the first place. I say that if you're going through more pain than anything else by being in the relationship, why be in it? Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 If he's hitting you, you need to get out out out right now! Don't stay with him, go to an abused women's shelter. You have the evidence, get police protection, get a divorce. This is not at all a good situation. I understand that you don't want to "rock the boat" but this guy doesn't sound good at all. Please leave and be careful! Link to comment
inspiration Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 Be very careful. I've seen this with my parents and my mom had a hard time w/ it. Being a pretty big guy I was still scared for her. It really makes me mad the things people take for granted anymore... Don't be a sucker for love, because I'm sure you can find real love and happiness somewhere else. -.ins Link to comment
sisterlynch Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Hey Cleverme!! It is time to move on, this guy is no good, you don't want to get hurt emotionally or physically. I think you need to get moving...If you don't move, he may hurt your more and more. Link to comment
DN Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 If he's hitting you, you need to get out out out right now! Don't stay with him, go to an abused women's shelter. You have the evidence, get police protection, get a divorce. This is not at all a good situation. I understand that you don't want to "rock the boat" but this guy doesn't sound good at all. Please leave and be careful! Absolutely right. Deciding to bury your head in the sand to either stay in an abusive relationship or to avoid getting hit or both is not wise or rational. My urgent advice is to do exactly what Annie suggests and do it now. Live up to your name, cleverme, and do the clever thing. Link to comment
confusedmama Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 I guess my question to you is, why? Why are you willing to take the time and energy to play his games? Isn't your time worth more than that? I know it is a struggle to figure out if anger or revenge would be sweeter but in the long run you need to take care of YOU. And I've learned the hard way, a guy who is taking care of someone else is only interested in taking care of HIMSELF and not you. Do what you know needs to be done, without playing games. Link to comment
cleverme123 Posted February 22, 2005 Author Share Posted February 22, 2005 The situation is a bit more complicated then that. I tied myself into a place where I don't know if I can get out of. Yeah, I could leave, but to where. My family disowned me a long time ago. ALL OF THEM, my father is partially abusive, my mother a complete manipulator. As far as him hitting me, it only happened once, he hits other stuff, walls, furniture. Yes I know that if someone hits once they are bound to do it again but it's been almost 2 years since that happened. As far as the ex thing, I know he is seeing her as well, but if I get mad about it he will keep going. If I ignore him he will stop cause he will have to chase me. He owns everything, my car, house, I don't work, nor does he want me too. And if I did then I have the whole kids in day care thing which takes up 95% of my money. He isn't all bad, there is a good person there. He uses anger to intimidate me and get me to back off of things he doesn't want to talk about. Example is the ex girlfriend. I don't exactly want to leave which sounds crazy, I know, but this is about the best situation I have had in a long time. Basically as long as I don't aggrevate him things are perfectly fine. It's just something I have to control. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 You know... this doesn't sound like a very good life to me. I couldn't live the rest of my life in a relationship like that. You need to get the control back - not by letting him see his mistress. Go back to school, get some kind of skill, get a job. If you have money, you will regain power in the relationship. Right now, you are dependent on him. But, try to find some kind of day care, low cost for your child. Figure out a way - somehow. It doesn't sound like it will be easy, but you need to get your life under your control! You don't want your children to follow his example in relationships. Good luck. Link to comment
Caldus Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 I think it's more important that you are 100% (or close to 100%) content with your life by being in this relationship. Of course not many people reach 100%, but it sounds like to me that you're settling for something less only because you feel like you have no choice. I would follow annie's advice with the intention of gaining more control in your life in general, not just more control in the relationship. You will be happier in the long run if you know that you can still support yourself and your kids in the event that he were to leave anyway (not saying he would but you never know). I don't exactly want to leave which sounds crazy, I know, but this is about the best situation I have had in a long time. Basically as long as I don't aggrevate him things are perfectly fine. Stop making ridiculous compromises with him or even anyone. Don't give in like that. You deserve better than that. Link to comment
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