What would you do if you were me, guy I'm dating in hotel room with other girls

[Lolabola]

The guy I'm dating has gone away with a few friends. He text me yesterday to say he was going for dinner and drinks. So I checked Snapchat this morning and to see at his final snapchat a video of his friends and girls in the hotel room at like 5 am. There was about 8 men and maybe 3 girls as I could see but the fact in the video one was standing right next to him it just made me have a gut feeling. Tbh I want to just be done with him now but my friend is telling me to calm down.

 

I know from experience he's an idiot when drunk so tbh I don't think I can trust him but that could be just a doubt in my own head. And before you ask I don't believe in that exclusive not exclusive crap. If you like someone and you're sleeping with them you should have a tiny bit of respect for them even if you haven't talked about a realtionship. He knows I want a realtionship and we obviously got a lot closer before he left and he kept in contact with me when his been over there making plans and dates for when he came back.

 

So honestly I feel a little upset and confused. What should I do about this? I'm trying to keep a calm head but it's hard, especially when you're coming up with stories in your head of the worst outcomes and friends keep telling you different things. He is flying home tomorrow morning. And I'd rather get advice from people that are not close to me 😌

[Willywagtail]

You either trust or you don't.

 

A girl staring next to him means nothing objectively. It's just your thoughts that are creating the story around it.

 

Apart from the fact that he's an idiot when he's drunk you have nothing else to go on. So keep with the cool head.

[mhowe]

You don't have to believe that talking about exclusivity is necessary, but it sure would be going a long way toward eliminating your fear right now. Assuming that you guys are on the same page without talking about it leads to unrealistic expectations.

[Lolabola]

Thanks I'm trying not to overreact it's hard tho. Especially seeing stuff like that.

[msbrunette]

He knows I want a realtionship and we obviously got a lot closer before he left and he kept in contact with me when his been over there making plans and dates for when he came back.

 

He knows you want a relationship so you aren't bf & gf.

He knows you can see his snapchat...do you really he would put the video knowing you'd get upset - probably not.

When he does come back calmly tell him the video made you worry and you felt upset seeing it and simply ask him if anything happened.

The sad part is that if you guys arent together technically he could use this as an excuse.

[Lolabola]

He knows you want a relationship so you aren't bf & gf.

He knows you can see his snapchat...do you really he would put the video knowing you'd get upset - probably not.

When he does come back calmly tell him the video made you worry and you felt upset seeing it and simply ask him if anything happened.

The sad part is that if you guys arent together technically he could use this as an excuse.

 

No we're just dating. I don't know he really is an idiot when his drunk he does stupid stuff and I know he is probably asleep dying with a hangover. yeah I'll try be calm but if I did find out I'd have to call it quits so it's just sad.

[IAmFCA]

I'd back off. Not because of the video exactly, but because my own emotional vulnerability would be too much at risk, relative to the reckless play he would like to enjoy.

 

He's good for quasi bf, but not for full on bf. Just back off till you can find a little more emotional distance.

[j.man]

I don't believe in that exclusive not exclusive crap

You should probably start.

 

Fact of the matter is he is still single, and being single allows him to retain and exercise the privilege of staying in a hotel with a mixed group of friends without having to answer to anyone. Even that aside, I highly doubt with the discrepancy between men and women that there is going to be a whole lot of hanky panky going on.

[IAmFCA]

You should probably start.

 

Fact of the matter is he is still single, and being single allows him to retain and exercise the privilege of staying in a hotel with a mixed group of friends without having to answer to anyone. Even that aside, I highly doubt with the discrepancy between men and women that there is going to be a whole lot of hanky panky going on.

 

 

Agree with this. OP you are just as single as he is. He may have a different value system than you do, a different perspective than you, who knows. You haven't chosen him yet. Use this video to remind yourself why he is probably not more than a regular go-to guy for you. Keep shopping for the LTR candidate, if that is what you are looking for.

[DancingFool]

Have to agree with the first poster that you are spinning an improbable story based on your insecurities rather than reality. With that many people in the room, the only thing going on was hanging out talking, joking, and drinking.

[Batya33]

He chooses to get drunk and therefore chooses the consequences.

 

You might not believe in exclusive/non-exclusive but he might and he might believe it is entirely respectful to date more than one person at a time including having sex (I would add, as long as he is not exposing you to STDs).

[Ms Darcy]

I know from experience he's an idiot when drunk so tbh I don't think I can trust him

 

I wouldn't want to be with anyone that "is an idiot when drunk" and that you couldn't trust. That's a no go red flag for any potential relationship.

[IAmFCA]

I wouldn't want to be with anyone that "is an idiot when drunk" and that you couldn't trust. That's a no go red flag for any potential relationship.

 

Exactly.

 

If you want to play with him, keep him around. But when you are wanting to sort for a serious long term attachment, this guy isn't it. If you are ready and wanting the LTR, you will need to drop this guy, go single, and create room for the right guy to show himself.

[Blue_Skirt]

I know from experience he's an idiot when drunk so tbh I don't think I can trust him but that could be just a doubt in my own head.

 

What would you do if you were me, guy I'm dating in hotel room with other girls

 

I would not want to be together with an idiot when drunk in the first place. So my advice, figure out what you want in life: an idiot when drunk or a nice and responsible man?

[ParisPaulette]

But there were guys in the room too, more it sounds like than women. Unless his hand was on another woman's body part I would just look at that and think, "Oh wow, they are all going to be hella tired when staying up all night packed into one room hits everyone."

 

When I first read the title of your thread I thought it was just him staying in a hotel room with another chick or chicks for sleeping arrangements, but it's not even that. Just a group of friends together. No one was sleeping, but if they all had their clothes on chances are pretty good no orgies were taking place. I would place no more significance on this pic than I would a shot at the beach or a restaurant featuring everyone.

 

You can either trust the guy, drunk or sober, or you can't or don't. If it's too much of a worry, too much drama, you say, "Yeah, this just doesn't make me feel good, I'm out." And you break up and go.

 

But really I don't see any signs of cheating or untoward behavior at all. Just a bunch of gonna be really tired people all in a motel room together, because most bars and eating establishments close after a certain time and nobody wants you partying on their front lawn. So hotel room it is to continue the gabfest/drinkfest/whateverfest is going on.

[IAmFCA]

But there were guys in the room too, more it sounds like than women. Unless his hand was on another woman's body part I would just look at that and think, "Oh wow, they are all going to be hella tired when staying up all night packed into one room hits everyone."

 

When I first read the title of your thread I thought it was just him staying in a hotel room with another chick or chicks for sleeping arrangements, but it's not even that. Just a group of friends together. No one was sleeping, but if they all had their clothes on chances are pretty good no orgies were taking place. I would place no more significance on this pic than I would a shot at the beach or a restaurant featuring everyone.

 

You can either trust the guy, drunk or sober, or you can't or don't. If it's too much of a worry, too much drama, you say, "Yeah, this just doesn't make me feel good, I'm out." And you break up and go.

 

But really I don't see any signs of cheating or untoward behavior at all. Just a bunch of gonna be really tired people all in a motel room together, because most bars and eating establishments close after a certain time and nobody wants you partying on their front lawn. So hotel room it is to continue the gabfest/drinkfest/whateverfest is going on.

 

I agree with this.

 

Its the "he drinks a lot and acts like an idiot" (to paraphrase) that makes this situation uncomfortable for the OP to think about. If it hadn't been on snapchat, she wouldn't be thinking about it, but it still would have happened. She has identified an aspect of his behavior that she finds unreliable and untrustworthy, so the snapchat is less relevant than what it symbolizes about him.

[bulletproof]

The guy I'm dating has gone away with a few friends. He text me yesterday to say he was going for dinner and drinks. So I checked Snapchat this morning and to see at his final snapchat a video of his friends and girls in the hotel room at like 5 am. There was about 8 men and maybe 3 girls as I could see but the fact in the video one was standing right next to him it just made me have a gut feeling.

 

Is he not allowed to stand next to women?

If he's with eight men, there's a good chance that some of them are single. They have every right to be social with ladies whether the guy you're dating is there or not. If I were single and at an age where a bunch of my friends got a hotel room, I would not appreciate someone telling me who I can have over to the room.

 

And yes, all of this is a moot point if you haven't even established what your relationship is.

 

Btw, the fact that he gets drunk and act stupid might be considered a dealbreaker, no?