I Messed up

[Ragamuffin blu]

I'm 37 and have been dating someone for 2 months, known each other 5 months met off POF. Its my first serious relationship since I was heartbroken two years ago. I have been pretty cautious about things but we got serious pretty quickly and it honestly feels like we've been together for much longer.

 

She has been abroad with work and this morning we text each other and I made a 'joke' which admittedly was in poor taste, it really upset her. She has barely contacted me all day and says whats is really bad is that she had to point out that it was upsetting, she doesn't want a partner who makes a joke of everything and she is to exhausted to deal with it today. I have apologised, I am really sorry about it and feel stupid but I don't know what else to do, do I just leave it and it put it down to us being incompatible? I feel like such an idiot

 

 

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[ThatwasThen]

You've apologized which is all you can do. It's up to her to come around or decide to end it due to your "incompatibility" now.

 

I'm very curious to know what she took such offence to. I'd say you are better off not with her if she gets that mad at something you found to be funny enough to share with her. (Unless it was a personal jab at her or something that she is very sensitive about? I think then her reaction would be understandable)

[Dottieflanogon]

You've done all you can at this point so the best thing to do now, just wait until she's ready to talk to you. I think you should give her some space and give yourself time to think about it, after like 3 days or something CALL her not text, she'll probably appreciate it more, and if she doesn't answer just leave ONE message apologizing again if you feel like you need to-that you intend never say such a thing again. Just don't become that guy who blows up her phone when she doesn't answer, Just give it time, I'm sure everything will work out for the best, and if by chance it doesn't pan out then move on

[SURPRISE]

Tell her that you are sorry again and that every body gets to be an idiot every once in a while then give her time to respond. Don't force the issue. Has nothing to do with being incompatible, sometimes our humor does not line up and or some people have sensitivities to different subjects. You don't want someone who does not have the capacity to forgive, and you have to humble yourself, but if she can't forgive something small, it's a good thing to drop things now.

[btucci61289]

Here's my thought. You haven't been together long enough to know her full history. She may have become more upset because of something you're not aware of. Also, the word sorry often doesn't mean much without an acknowledgment of her feelings. Rather than just saying sorry... Tell her you didn't think it would upset her like that... Ask her if there's a separate reason that you're unaware of that caused her to become more upset. And... This is one of the biggest parts... If she's that upset, it is likely better to have this conversation when she's feeling calmer. "I love you, I never meant to hurt you" is a good start if you can't really talk right away. One more thing... Give her the space to calm down.

 

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[Ragamuffin blu]

Thanks for the replies. I have given her space and she hasn't been in touch. It was a stupid thing that I said, I understand that she could be upset by it, but I just think she must have other doubts to have this reaction. I hope she gets in touch, if not I'll call her tomorrow and apologise again and see if she wants to talk.

[James516]

One of 3 possibilities to think about...

1. She wanted out of the relationship, and no matter what the reason would be, she would find one. If it wasn't about this joke, it would have been something else very soon.

 

2. She can hold a grudge, and is very sensitive which is the kind of person who you would have to always be on guard about

 

3. Even if not very sensitive, this is how she deals with things.

 

To me, none of these are good. We all say regrettable things, it's more about how the two people deal with and communicate about it. I think you're focusing far too much on kicking yourself for making the joke. It may be better to start thinking about the bigger picture.