Birth Daughter Contacted Me Interested in Adoptee or Birth Parent Input

[Seraphim]

Yes doesn't make sense to me but she's their daughter, they seem to have had her best interests in mind so I trust there was a good reason. Even if there wasn't I don't feel I have to right to second guess her parents.

I am not saying you should second guess them. What is done is done.

[needhelp6]

I am not saying you should second guess them. What is done is done.

Understood you were not saying I should. I'm saying for a moment I did! Then I realized I have no right to second guess, I literally have no rights. Strange position to be in with someone who you created.

[needhelp6]

Over the weekend I traveled to her city and met the young woman, my birth daughter. It was strange as I was very nervous meeting her, don't really know why. Overall I'm a very confident person but for some reason I was concerned about disappointing her, not sure where that came from. She was far more emotional than I ever guessed she would be. Our first meeting was in the lobby of my hotel, I wasn't sure if I should shake her and, hug her etc., she came-up to me and gave me a very big hug and started crying. This completely threw me, did not expect that she would be this emotional.

 

We spent the entire day Saturday together and had breakfast on Sunday prior to my returning home. What a delightful, intelligent, well rounded and beautiful young woman. It was a joy to be around her. At first I was somewhat concerned regarding the amount of time I'd set aside for our meeting, we filled every minute of my time there, the time flew by.

 

She had a very happy childhood, loving parents, good friends, a good education, graduated from a top University, has traveled, embarking on a great career. I was so impressed by her, she really seems to have her priorities straight.

 

She cried again when we were discussing my daughter and told me it was incredible knowing that she has a sister (she's an only child). She understands the situation and while she is anxious for me to inform my daughter of her and to meet her she also believes waiting is in her best interest. We discussed possibly late January.

 

This surprised me as well. She brought along a couple of scrap books from her childhood, report cards, pictures from school, dance, cheer leading, graduations, birthdays etc. As she's showing me these books and what is contained in them I felt very empty. There was this entire life that I missed out on. Please don't get me wrong, I have no illusions that had things been different I could have given her the life she had. Me now, of course I could, but not me when she was born. It was strange that this entire life happened and I wasn't a part of it.

 

Where does it go from here? She wants a relationship, she wants me to be a part of her life and she wants to be a part of mine. What does that look like, who knows, as someone wrote earlier in this post, it's an adventure. I'm not going to lie, I'm glad she wants a relationship; as I sat on the plane waiting to take off for home I actually started to tear-up when I thought about the whole situation. Not tears of sadness, tears of happiness that she turned out so great and that I will have the opportunity to have her in my life going forward, in whatever capacity it turns out to be.

 

What a weekend.

[journeynow]

Thumbs up, needhelp6!

[WithLove]

I think perhaps you're very relieved, because this entire time you've been pretty much gearing up towards possibly taking on someone or something that would be a massively huge undertaking, and dare I say it, expense. And now, you're seeing that your daughter is successful, well-rounded, beautiful, and obviously has done extremely well without you in her life thus far. And now, you can see that she doesn't NEED you in her life, as you might have been expecting from the beginning; she WANTS you in it, and that's a very different feeling altogether.

[abitbroken]

I am glad that you didn't fly her out. It would be too much. Enjoy Christmas with your new wife and daughter. I also think that you should take things slow with this newly found daughter, and every focus should be on your younger daughter's comfort in this. It may come as a big shock to her. And she might feel slightly displaced,

[needhelp6]

I think perhaps you're very relieved, because this entire time you've been pretty much gearing up towards possibly taking on someone or something that would be a massively huge undertaking, and dare I say it, expense. And now, you're seeing that your daughter is successful, well-rounded, beautiful, and obviously has done extremely well without you in her life thus far. And now, you can see that she doesn't NEED you in her life, as you might have been expecting from the beginning; she WANTS you in it, and that's a very different feeling altogether.

Partially right. I didn't know what I was walking into, never done anything like this nor do I know anyone who has. My wife gave a child up for adoption but she doesn't have a relationship with nor does she know where this child is.

 

The "expense" concern was related to the birth mother not the birth daughter. I have no issues helping birth daughter out financially should she ever need it or ask. In-fact, she paid for grad school with a student loan, depending on how things go over the next several months I would consider paying that off for her as a gift. She didn't say anything about this, I thought of this on my own. Discussed it with my wife and she thought depending on where things go that would be a nice thing to do for her.

 

 

I am glad that you didn't fly her out. It would be too much. Enjoy Christmas with your new wife and daughter. I also think that you should take things slow with this newly found daughter, and every focus should be on your younger daughter's comfort in this. It may come as a big shock to her. And she might feel slightly displaced,

Going there was definitely the best option. It was also nice to see where she grew-up, dine at her favorite restaurant, stomping grounds etc.

 

My wife and I will be meeting with the same child psychologist we met with when we were planning out how to introduce my wife (then girlfriend) to my daughter and then how to tell her we were going to marry. Her well being is my number one priority and so far knock on wood careful planning of these milestones has paid off.

 

Honestly, the person I'm most concerned about in this whole thing is my "step daughter" (my daughters half sister). Even though her mother and I were never married I raised her as my daughter, still do. She's older, early 20's, we're very close, I'm worried about how she may react to the news. I could see her feeling threatened and becoming jealous.

 

What a turn life has taken.

[abitbroken]

Partially right. I didn't know what I was walking into, never done anything like this nor do I know anyone who has. My wife gave a child up for adoption but she doesn't have a relationship with nor does she know where this child is.

 

The "expense" concern was related to the birth mother not the birth daughter. I have no issues helping birth daughter out financially should she ever need it or ask. In-fact, she paid for grad school with a student loan, depending on how things go over the next several months I would consider paying that off for her as a gift. She didn't say anything about this, I thought of this on my own. Discussed it with my wife and she thought depending on where things go that would be a nice thing to do for her.

 

 

 

I think you would be overstepping a boundary very quickly with this - going overboard too quickly. Please consider that that is too much too fast. You want to get to know her as a realistic birth father, not compete with the parents who raised her and their means, and also not be tempted to overcompensate for the missed years. If you want to do something nice for her at this point, maybe make copies of some photos of you when you were her age, your parents and grandparents to help her get a sense of your family history. I don't remember if your parents are living or if you have siblings, or if you said, but over the course of the next year or two, seeing if those family members, and she, would be open to introductions slowly, would be more appropriate. And slowly letting everyone absorb the news if appropriate. Just like any other new relationship, if you do everything on day one, you can't keep up the pace or energy. Meeting you is enough right now.

 

Also, it will cause resentment if you pay this off, and that causes your daughter (the one you raised) to have to take out loans when she goes to school because you paid your birth daughter's loan OR you did nothing of the sort for step daughter. I also think you should get into your marriage a little further and see what is ahead. There is so much (the wedding, the house, the birth daughter, now potentially a huge financial loan payout) that you guys hadn't had much time to breathe.

[needhelp6]

I think you would be overstepping a boundary very quickly with this - going overboard too quickly. Please consider that that is too much too fast. You want to get to know her as a realistic birth father, not compete with the parents who raised her and their means, and also not be tempted to overcompensate for the missed years. If you want to do something nice for her at this point, maybe make copies of some photos of you when you were her age, your parents and grandparents to help her get a sense of your family history. I don't remember if your parents are living or if you have siblings, or if you said, but over the course of the next year or two, seeing if those family members, and she, would be open to introductions slowly, would be more appropriate. And slowly letting everyone absorb the news if appropriate. Just like any other new relationship, if you do everything on day one, you can't keep up the pace or energy. Meeting you is enough right now.

 

Also, it will cause resentment if you pay this off, and that causes your daughter (the one you raised) to have to take out loans when she goes to school because you paid your birth daughter's loan OR you did nothing of the sort for step daughter. I also think you should get into your marriage a little further and see what is ahead. There is so much (the wedding, the house, the birth daughter, now potentially a huge financial loan payout) that you guys hadn't had much time to breathe.

Understand what you're saying. I absolutely would not do anything regarding her student loan for several months as I do feel it would be overstepping right now. Going to attempt to take things slowly right now as I'm completely overwhelmed. In a million years I couldn't have predicted how this would affect me. The realist in me says, adoption was the best thing for this young woman AND me, and I know that. Then I slip into anger, anger that I missed out on 20 something years of her life, that no on told me of her etc. There's nothing I can do about this so I try to focus on the now.

 

I've provided her with a on-line photo album populated with pictures from over the years of family and myself. My parents are alive however I'm estranged from one of them. I haven't told the other about her yet, waiting to see where things go I suppose. She definitely wants to meet the family, however, I told her over time, maybe this summer.

 

Regarding my step daughter; I pay her tuition, the majority of her living expenses, car, insurance etc. so I don't think she'll care about the financial aspect of things (I would also never mention it to her, no reason to). I'm more worried about her feeling like the odd one out, two biological daughters and her. I don't see our relationship that way, I see her as my daughter, period, and treat her as such and she treats me as her father. As I've been thinking about this and discussing it with my wife it's her that we have the most concern about. We feel my youngest will embrace it and be thrilled to have another older sister. That said, we're still being cautious and proceeding carefully.

 

With Christmas fast approaching I've been wondering about sending her a gift. I feel it's appropriate, yet I'm not sure what. A group/band that she enjoys is coming to her city so I was thinking of purchasing a couple of tickets for her and including a gift card to cover a night out i.e. dinner, drinks etc. Seems a bit impersonal, but on the other hand it will show that I was listening to her while we were together. Or I was thinking of a nice bracelet, but that might be to personal. Definitely want to give her something.

 

Seeing my shrink later this week, hope to sort some of these feelings out during my session. I'm so glad I found therapy and I've learned how helpful it can be. My Dr and I have had a few rough patches over the past couple of years but I'm definitely a better man, husband, father and friend due to the time I've spent "on the couch".

[needhelp6]

Thought I'd update this thread. So the young woman and I, my birth daughter, correspond or speak about every other day now. She did something for me for Christmas that was amazing; I'd shared with her how odd it felt not having known her as she grew-up, knowing nothing of her life etc. She made me a scrapbook with 20+ sections, one for each year of her life with milestones, events, pictures and quotes from people who knew her at that time of her life (quotes were mostly from later in her life). I couldn't believe she put this together for me, it must have been so much work and such a time commitment and such a short time-frame to put it together. It's beautiful and I love it. She seemed to enjoy the gift I sent her.

 

I'm speaking in a conference in New York in a few weeks and I offered to fly her there for the weekend and we'll spend the weekend in the city together, see a show, have a couple of nice meals and get to know each other more. She said she'd love to.

 

It's been difficult on my wife observing this. As I've mentioned before while in her teens she gave a child-up for adoption, she's put her information out there should her birth daughter ever decide to look for her. She's spoken with my birth daughter on two occasions and they've gotten along well so far. Birth daughter was concerned that my wife may resent her wanting to get to know me. My wife has assured her that is not the case, she's very supportive and looking forward to meeting her.

 

Speaking of meeting. We met with a child psychologist and I feel that we have a good plan together for telling my daughter and stepdaughter about her. The psychologist seems to agree with me that the older girl (stepdaughter) will more than likely have the more difficult time with the news and will more than likely feel threatened, but we'll see. Looking at mid January to discuss it with them, holidays are over, they're back in school and their routines. Should be a good time to discuss with them. Psychologist gave us some good words and strategies to use so I feel about as good as I can about springing on them that I have a 20 something daughter.

[youngmama92]

Thought I'd update this thread. So the young woman and I, my birth daughter, correspond or speak about every other day now. She did something for me for Christmas that was amazing; I'd shared with her how odd it felt not having known her as she grew-up, knowing nothing of her life etc. She made me a scrapbook with 20+ sections, one for each year of her life with milestones, events, pictures and quotes from people who knew her at that time of her life (quotes were mostly from later in her life). I couldn't believe she put this together for me, it must have been so much work and such a time commitment and such a short time-frame to put it together. It's beautiful and I love it. She seemed to enjoy the gift I sent her.

 

I'm speaking in a conference in New York in a few weeks and I offered to fly her there for the weekend and we'll spend the weekend in the city together, see a show, have a couple of nice meals and get to know each other more. She said she'd love to.

 

It's been difficult on my wife observing this. As I've mentioned before while in her teens she gave a child-up for adoption, she's put her information out there should her birth daughter ever decide to look for her. She's spoken with my birth daughter on two occasions and they've gotten along well so far. Birth daughter was concerned that my wife may resent her wanting to get to know me. My wife has assured her that is not the case, she's very supportive and looking forward to meeting her.

 

Speaking of meeting. We met with a child psychologist and I feel that we have a good plan together for telling my daughter and stepdaughter about her. The psychologist seems to agree with me that the older girl (stepdaughter) will more than likely have the more difficult time with the news and will more than likely feel threatened, but we'll see. Looking at mid January to discuss it with them, holidays are over, they're back in school and their routines. Should be a good time to discuss with them. Psychologist gave us some good words and strategies to use so I feel about as good as I can about springing on them that I have a 20 something daughter.

Coming from a birth child who was given away & hunted down my parents, I think it's wonderful that you're telling your step children, even if there might be jealousy. I looked up my birth parents, & my mom denies my existence to the little brothers I've never met. I get pictures of them through my older birth sister, who remained with our birth mom. How do you deny ever having a child... I have 2 of my own now, & couldn't imagine doing that.

I think you're doing the right thing, & handling it very well. Congratulations on the new daughter!

 

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[needhelp6]

Coming from a birth child who was given away & hunted down my parents, I think it's wonderful that you're telling your step children, even if there might be jealousy. I looked up my birth parents, & my mom denies my existence to the little brothers I've never met. I get pictures of them through my older birth sister, who remained with our birth mom. How do you deny ever having a child... I have 2 of my own now, & couldn't imagine doing that.

I think you're doing the right thing, & handling it very well. Congratulations on the new daughter!

I'm sorry to hear this, honestly, I cannot imaging denying this young woman anything. As I told her when we first spoke or met I can't remember which, "I'm opening to being whatever you want me to be to you." She has no adopted siblings so to her the thought of having a sister (I have a daughter who is her half sister AND and a stepdaughter who has no blood relation to her) blew her mind. She was very excited about this. In speaking with the psychologist I'm not that worried about telling her. Also, we don't live in the same city, won't see each other that often if even at all in the future (who knows what it holds) so my daughter's life doesn't change that much if at all other than knowing she has an older sister.

 

I'm curious, did you contact your birth father? Maybe he'd be more open to a relationship.

[youngmama92]

I'm sorry to hear this, honestly, I cannot imaging denying this young woman anything. As I told her when we first spoke or met I can't remember which, "I'm opening to being whatever you want me to be to you." She has no adopted siblings so to her the thought of having a sister (I have a daughter who is her half sister AND and a stepdaughter who has no blood relation to her) blew her mind. She was very excited about this. In speaking with the psychologist I'm not that worried about telling her. Also, we don't live in the same city, won't see each other that often if even at all in the future (who knows what it holds) so my daughter's life doesn't change that much if at all other than knowing she has an older sister.

 

I'm curious, did you contact your birth father? Maybe he'd be more open to a relationship.

I hope your step daughter will become friends with her new sister. It seems like you are doing things right!

I did contact my birth father as well. We met & hung out a few times, & he did show up at my wedding for a little while. ]

The 3 men in front are my 3 dads, the one in back is my father in law.

However, I upset my birth dad by not accepting a large amount of money he offered me (he basically wanted to give me his life savings), & I couldn't take that amount of money from someone I just met. So he will not talk to me, & hasn't for over 2 years. I understand that he partly feels guilty, though he shouldn't, & is trying to financially make up for the 23 years of my life he missed.

 

I don't hold it against him-I believe they did the right thing giving me away. They were both drug addicts, & I would've had a hard life, as did my older birth sister. If ever he wants to be a part of my life again, I will gladly welcome him.

 

I am curious, when you spend time with your birth daughter, is it awkward? For us, the meetings were a little awkward, but we had a good time. It was just like meeting with a stranger to go to the movies & trying to be friends all of a sudden, with someone you barely know!

 

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[needhelp6]

I hope your step daughter will become friends with her new sister. It seems like you are doing things right!

I did contact my birth father as well. We met & hung out a few times, & he did show up at my wedding for a little while.

The 3 men in front are my 3 dads, the one in back is my father in law.

However, I upset my birth dad by not accepting a large amount of money he offered me (he basically wanted to give me his life savings), & I couldn't take that amount of money from someone I just met. So he will not talk to me, & hasn't for over 2 years. I understand that he partly feels guilty, though he shouldn't, & is trying to financially make up for the 23 years of my life he missed.

 

I don't hold it against him-I believe they did the right thing giving me away. They were both drug addicts, & I would've had a hard life, as did my older birth sister. If ever he wants to be a part of my life again, I will gladly welcome him.

 

I am curious, when you spend time with your birth daughter, is it awkward? For us, the meetings were a little awkward, but we had a good time. It was just like meeting with a stranger to go to the movies & trying to be friends all of a sudden, with someone you barely know!

 

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Interesting similarity in our stories. While I didn't know about her until just recently, once we meet I learned of an area that she could use some financial assistance and instantly thought of paying it off for her (a student loan). While I had no say in her being adopted I wonder if on some level I'm trying to make something up to her.

 

Yes it was awkward. I don't know her and she doesn't know me. I remember thinking to myself that I'm sitting across from my biological daughter and I don't know the first thing about her. I struggled with it a bit. There were a few uncomfortable silence periods that I just didn't know what to say which was odd. I'm never at a loss for words when I'm with my daughter or my stepdaughter, nor are they, trust me.

 

But then on the other hand there was so much to talk about, her life, my life etc. I can't even imagine going to her wedding some day. I'm curious, how are your adopted parents with you finding your birth parents. She claims hers are happy for her but I wonder. I've tried putting myself in their shoes and I wouldn't like it. They must have a very strong relationship, which I'm glad for.

[needhelp6]

We're back from our New York trip and I've got to tell you I had a blast. Thoroughly enjoyed spending time with her, learning more about her and I suppose you could say bonding.

 

She opened-up a bit more about being adopted, how she'd always wanted to find me, know who I was, ask why she was given-up for adoption, even though she had a good life and good adopted parents she wanted to know. Her adopted parents encouraged her to search for me and are very supportive of her having a relationship with me. I really respect that as I think this would be difficult for me and based on my conversations others as well as a very common question I get when telling what I'm not calling "our story" is, "and her adopted parents are OK with this?"

 

I'm telling my daughters about her this weekend, with the help of a child therapist I have a solid plan. Based on my daughters reaction I'm then going to plan a meeting. My guess is daughter is going to be fine with the news, stepdaughter is going to struggle a bit, but I could be wrong.

 

I must confess, there are times when I wish I'd known about her earlier, maybe even at birth, but then she wouldn't be who she is. These good people who raised her wouldn't have had the opportunity to have such a great daughter, who knows what type of life she would have had, who knows what would have become of me, my daughter and step daughter. I don't dwell on these questions, but sometimes the do pop into my head.

 

She and my wife have become close (as close as you can come through phone, email and text) and she's encouraging my wife to actively search for the daughter she gave-up and not count on her knowing of the adoption registries where my wife has registered as she may not know of them. My wife has always maintained the position that she gave-up the right to know the child she gave-up for adoption and searching for her is off limits. Prior to this young woman coming into my life I agreed with her, now I'm not sure. I've told her should she ever change her mind we can hire a professional searcher to look for her.

[Seraphim]

Just be aware that not everybody is overjoyed to find their birth parent. I know somebody who said he could not care less about his birth parents that his adoptive parents were all he needed.

 

It's great you had a good time getting to know your daughter.

[needhelp6]

Just be aware that not everybody is overjoyed to find their birth parent. I know somebody who said he could not care less about his birth parents that his adoptive parents were all he needed.

 

It's great you had a good time getting to know your daughter.

Couldn't agree with you more, which is why wife hasn't searched, only put her information and medical history out there for the child.

[mhowe]

My bf searched for his...to be told that they were not open to getting to know him.

[needhelp6]

My bf searched for his...to be told that they were not open to getting to know him.

I recently had someone reach out to me in private telling a similar story, birth father wants nothing to do with her, told her he'd "moved on". I have a tough time understanding this. For instance, I'm friends with my neighbor, play golf with guys at my club, have old college buddies, socialize with a couple of co-workers all of which I have no genetic ties to. Others have similar relationships, yet you'd close the door on having a conversation or friendship with your own flesh and blood?

 

Now my perspective may be different as I have not know of this child for very long, so it's all quite new to me, maybe you do move on years after giving the child-up?

 

I'm not saying either is right or wrong, it's an individual decision with each situation having it's own unique set of circumstances.

[needhelp6]

So the conversations with my daughter and stepdaughter went pretty much as I thought it would. Daughter is ecstatic and thinks it's pretty cool that she has another older sister and my stepdaughter feels threatened.

 

After sharing the news and about a week of my stepdaughter still having issues I took her out to dinner this past weekend and told her she can tell me anything about this, anything at all and I will not judge her, become angry, critical etc., only listen. She confided in me that she's afraid my biological daughter will displace her in my life. While I refer to her as my stepdaughter and raised and continue to treat her as my daughter her mother and I were never married and she feels this somehow lessens our bond. She explained her fear that I will walk out on her like her biological father did.

 

I Explained to her that no one could ever replace her in my life, period. Nor am I going anywhere, thought has never gone through my mind, wouldn't happen. I also explained to her that paper, bloodlines etc. do not make a father/daughter relationship. There are many men (and women) out there who are the biological parents of a child yet are not a dad, it's how you care for that child, regardless of blood or paper and this is always how I've thought of our relationship.

 

Birth daughter's trip to visit us and meet the rest of the family and friends is scheduled for the end of the month. She'll be staying with us four days and we'll be hosting a small gathering for family and friends to meet her one evening. I gave my stepdaughter the option not to attend and she said she'd like to be involved and meet her privately upon her arrival.

[tiredofvampires]

Sounds like you handled that very well.

 

Are there any plans or hopes that you at some point will meet the adoptive family? Does your biological daughter have any siblings?

[needhelp6]

Sounds like you handled that very well.

 

Are there any plans or hopes that you at some point will meet the adoptive family? Does your biological daughter have any siblings?

I would like to meet them, they seem like good people, however, at this time they have no interest in meeting me. They're supportive of their daughter's getting to know me, but no personal interest on their part.

 

Biological daughter does not have any siblings.

 

Step daughter seems to be doing better now. I can tell there's still some level of caution on her part but she seems to have warmed up to the idea that there's another girl (I know she's a woman, I still see her as a girl though, I see all my daughters as girls) in the family.

 

I still find myself struggling that I have this 20 something daughter that I have no memories with. I wasn't there for her first steps, first time on a bike, dances/prom, games, performances, graduations etc. It's very difficult at times. I find myself playing the what-if game. What if I'd known of her, what would I have done, would things have been different, I'm sure they would be. Then I tell myself there's no sense in playing the what-if game as it played out the way it played out and there's not a damn thing I can do about it, just make the most of what has been given to me now. I'm getting a second chance, make the most of it and don't dwell on things I cannot change or control.

[abitbroken]

I am not surprised the adoptive family doesn't want to meet you. I would never force it. And you may never meet - at least not for a long time. It may be at her wedding - or she may decide not to have you there - who really knows. It could be that after awhile she is glad that she met her birth father and crosses it off the list - or could have an ongoing relationship - who really knows.

 

I have a relative who was adopted into my family and when they found their birth family, they basically ditched my family. Now I get a Christmas card again here and there - but they used to be close. There was no abuse in my family and they were raised with other siblings in their adoptive family. They were mad their birth parents gave them up. Like that should be taken out on us, right?

[needhelp6]

I am not surprised the adoptive family doesn't want to meet you. I would never force it. And you may never meet - at least not for a long time. It may be at her wedding - or she may decide not to have you there - who really knows. It could be that after awhile she is glad that she met her birth father and crosses it off the list - or could have an ongoing relationship - who really knows.

 

I have a relative who was adopted into my family and when they found their birth family, they basically ditched my family. Now I get a Christmas card again here and there - but they used to be close. There was no abuse in my family and they were raised with other siblings in their adoptive family. They were mad their birth parents gave them up. Like that should be taken out on us, right?

I'm not forcing it. When I went to go visit her I made the offer to take her family out to dinner, her parents declined. That's the only time I've mentioned it.

 

As of now she seems interested in a long-term relationship, however, desires can change and I'm prepared for that should she decide she needs to go a different direction. I thought about this when I made the decision to tell my family about her, introduce her to my daughters etc. and I came to the conclusion that I can live my life in fear of this happening or should it happen, make some memories to last a lifetime.

 

I would certainly hope that she would never "ditch" her family as your family member did, that would be horrible, nor is that something that I could ever support. Her parents seem like very good and supportive people who have showered her with love and made many sacrifices for her over the years. I would certainly hope that anyone with my blood running through their veins would never do such a thing. She has a Dad, I can never be that to her. I can be her birth father, a friend but I can never be her Dad.

[needhelp6]

Birth daughter came and went. Having her stay with us was great, loved having her at our home. All three girls got along smashingly, no hurt feelings, no jealously etc. just love. My daughter literally wouldn't leave her alone, wanted to be with her constantly. Stepdaughter took her out clubbing one night, they got along very well. In-fact, they’ve kept in touch and Stepdaughter is going to go visit her this summer. It's clear to me she enjoys having a sibling(s), I’m very proud of all parties involved. Everyone was/is getting along great.

 

The introduction party went well, we had about thirty friends and family show-up, even my mother and stepfather came to town to meet her. My mother's reaction once she met her was one of anger; she's very angry over the fact that this child was given-up for adoption without us knowing about her. She immediately started talking about lawsuits etc. (not in front of birth daughter). I explained to her there’s nothing that anyone can do other than be grateful that she’s in our lives and work on building a future with her, no matter what the future looks like. Her reaction really surprised me.

 

It’s strange how someone who you knew nothing about can come into your life and you instantly care about her. She and I communicate daily, even after several months. Some days it’s just a text, others it’s an hour long phone call while I’m stuck in traffic.

 

My wife has been very supportive during the entire process even though I know it pains her as she would love to reunite with the child she gave-up for adoption. I asked my wife if we should invite her on our family vacation this summer and she looked at me stunned and asked why wouldn’t we? She was right, why wouldn’t we, she’s family.