Canada and France/Europe

[The_Seeker]

Hi Everyone!

 

It's been a while I logged onto eNotAlone. I don't know if anyone remembers me.

 

Anyway, I thought I post a few questions I have since I don't know if anyone had gone through a phase like I am having at age 27. I can't go to my parents about the questions I'm having since they are more traditional.

 

A little about me, I have achieved my career goal and got my own house at the age of 27. Also, I moved to a new state. I'm really proud of myself. If anyone read my previous posts and threads, I was very ambitious individual. I still am.

 

However, lately, I've been feeling something is missing. I don't like my job because it's lacking creativity and I think I might have trouble working with authorities who do not know how to lead, or open to change of methods. I'm constantly stress. I realize I would like to have flexible time so I can do whatever I want, spend time with friends and family. I'm thinking about developing my business ideas so I can have more flexibility. I know creating a business is never easy but it's worth a shot.

 

I went on a date last Saturday who I talked to every day for 1.5 months. We met the first time. I think the date was okay. He is wicked shy. He turned red [blushing?] during our date and when I hugged him. He's been single for 3 years after his long-term divorce. It's been a while he dated anyone. We haven't talk to each after I thanked him in person and in a text for the gift. I still have to figure out whether he likes me or not, and what to get him. I have a feeling he is waiting me to make my move. I still figuring out how I feel about him. I had bad relationships which made me really have my guards up, but I'm still friendly. I do feel empty because I don't come across a guy who loves me for me instead of being pretty.

 

Anyway during his conversation, he mentioned traveling. I thought to myself, I got into a bad car accident which I couldn't believe I survived, I've been working and studying majority of my life, and yet I can't figure out who the heck I am. I look at how boring my life is. Everyday I'm starting to feel lost who I am as a person. Not only that, I feel like people don't take the time to get to know me as a person. I have a lot of negative thoughts what my future would look like such as being married to the wrong person, or being cheated on [i've been cheated on], and have negative relations.

 

I've been thinking December 2016 will be the day I will start traveling after I quit my job, sell my house, and things etc. This will give me enough time to learn a few European Languages, build several businesses, and get fit so I can take care of myself when I travel solo.

 

The questions:

 

• How do you find out who you are? Do you need to travel in order to get lost and find yourself?
  
• What countries would you recommend traveling?
  
• How much did it cost you?
  
• What you were going through, do you think it was depression and anxiety?
  

 

Thanks for reading my randomness. I just typed what I was thinking. Feel free to write a detailed answer. It will help me to figure stuff out. I just like reading variety of opinions so I could gain more wisdom.

[Fudgie]

Seeker!! I remember you!! Are you an actuary now??

[The_Seeker]

Seeker!! I remember you!! Are you an actuary now??

 

Fudgie! Oh my god, you're still alive!

 

I gave up Actuary. I'm so thankful I did. I just got my Master's Degree in Information System Tools. I'm currently a Cost Analyst Level 1 in the Oil and Construction Industry. I'm totally stressed out from it. I don't like it at all since I work 10 hours a day. I don't have a life. My social and love life sux.

 

I'm leaning towards wanting to learn how to code, speak a lot of languages, and just travel. I'm wondering what I'm doing is just to escape from my reality.

[Fudgie]

Yup, I'm still here!

 

I'm glad you got your Master's!! Congrats!! That does sound pretty stressful. I do work 12 hour days every week (I work about 40-50 hours a week though, so it's not like it's 60+ or anything) so I definitely get it, it's hard. Is it possible for you to change jobs within your field to something a little more manageable? Even if you take a bit of a pay cut?

 

What's nice about being a programmer/going into IT, well I know some who work in that field, and it's more about the certifications you get rather than your degree. Get enough certs and experience and you'll be considered more and more valuable. I know a couple people who did just that, without Bachelors even, and now are making good money. I think your Masters will really help though, as it's directly related.

[The_Seeker]

Yup, I'm still here!

 

I'm glad you got your Master's!! Congrats!! That does sound pretty stressful. I do work 12 hour days every week (I work about 40-50 hours a week though, so it's not like it's 60+ or anything) so I definitely get it, it's hard. Is it possible for you to change jobs within your field to something a little more manageable? Even if you take a bit of a pay cut?

 

What's nice about being a programmer/going into IT, well I know some who work in that field, and it's more about the certifications you get rather than your degree. Get enough certs and experience and you'll be considered more and more valuable. I know a couple people who did just that, without Bachelors even, and now are making good money. I think your Masters will really help though, as it's directly related.

 

To be honest, I can't. I'm 10 minutes from my job. This area I live in is not a city like. So if I were to travel to the next town over it would be take me 20-30 due to heavy traffic. I'm avoiding the highway due to a bad car accident. I'm still recovering.

 

Also, I don't like how I'm being trained. I've been to the law firm and switched over to oil and construction industry. I feel management are still using traditional methods no matter how many times I suggest a newer way of doing things to save time [job security perhaps?], and I just realize I'm not cut out for this corporate job. I think I'm more of a self-employed kind of person because I get to interact with people instead of being in a cubicle all day and just doing daily entries.

 

Also, ever since my accident, I don't think I took a lot of chances to find out who I really am. I was always helping people whether friends or families, or dating just to look for love. I realize I really have a lot of healing to do for myself.

[Fudgie]

It is never too late, Seeker. You're really young and have a lot of time to figure things out. I'm glad you're back, BTW.

 

Some people just aren't cut out for corporate employment. I don't mean in the sense of "ohh, having a job is haaard, working is haaard", I mean, some people are just more creative and independent and would do better with self employment or a more independent environment with free reign. Personally, I don't want to be self employed but I work at a hospital now with a good boss. I have a lot of independence and autonomy and trust, and that's what I need.

[The_Seeker]

It is never too late, Seeker. You're really young and have a lot of time to figure things out. I'm glad you're back, BTW.

 

Some people just aren't cut out for corporate employment. I don't mean in the sense of "ohh, having a job is haaard, working is haaard", I mean, some people are just more creative and independent and would do better with self employment or a more independent environment with free reign. Personally, I don't want to be self employed but I work at a hospital now with a good boss. I have a lot of independence and autonomy and trust, and that's what I need.

 

I don't know what to do with the guy situation. I'm going to text him since I'm thinking about him and I don't want to be afraid anymore since I almost died. Thank you, Fudgie. I hope one day I get to meet you in person.

 

Ugh, I thought I was when I was younger since I was a workaholic. For some reason after my accident, I've been looking at art, and design. I want to connect with people, and help the world. I don't know how I'm going to figure out who I am, I just feel like traveling will solve everything but I could be wrong.

[Ms Darcy]

Hey Seeker! Good to see you around! Of course I remember you girlie.

 

First of all, I would just take a deep breath and relax. Just think to yourself that you don't need to make a bunch of drastic changes right now but start to get in touch with yourself and small things that make you feel good in the present.

 

You mentioned a severe car accident? I hope you are feeling better from this. If this was recent and severe, some of what you are feeling might have something to do with that. If that's the case, I would say that taking care of your physical body right now is of utmost importance. This can be things like soaking in a relaxing bath at least twice a week and getting a weekly massage. Do more than you usually do to get out of your head, focus on feeling good in your body, and just healing.

 

Personally, I don't think you need to travel to find yourself. It's a wonderful thing to do if you want to do that, but it's not the end-all-be-all for self growth. Whether you are travelling to grow into something versus run away from something is up for you to decide. You have time. Right now, I'd just start doing some internet and travel brochure browsing. What are popular places? What tends to be safe for single women? What are affordable destinations? I'd use those types of questions to get a starting list and then investigate the options from there. Read someone's online travel journal. See if those are the types of things you want to experience.

 

More than a relationship, you sound like you need a friend. Just someone who can give you hugs and love and just support and listen to you right now. Do you have this in your life? As exhausting as it may be, I'd aim to find at least one person you can confide in. And if you can go on spa trips together, that's just a big ole' bonus!

 

Last, but not least, consider therapy. That's not to say there is anything wrong with you but just that after trauma, sometimes it's good to get our feelings out there with a professional and see if they can provide us with some coping mechanisms and/or homework to help us track progress towards measurable goals.

 

In short, try to compartmentalize. Work is work and home is your haven for now as you slowly focus on your emotional and physical health, build social connections, make travel plans, and think more about your career for the future.

[The_Seeker]

Hey Seeker! Good to see you around! Of course I remember you girlie.

 

Wow! I didn't expect anyone to remember. Life is full of surprises!

 

Hahaha, I remember you too since Mr.Darcy was my favorite character in Pride and Prejudice.

 

First of all, I would just take a deep breath and relax. Just think to yourself that you don't need to make a bunch of drastic changes right now but start to get in touch with yourself and small things that make you feel good in the present.

 

You definitely have a point. I've been breathing a lot more. Small baby steps!

 

It just weird. Every time I meet someone new. They talk about their travel, their life, and I end up envying how they live their life because I wish and want to be able to do something like that. I know I shouldn't be comparing myself but I can't help it. I don't criticize them or anything, I support their decision. Just wish I could do something like that.

 

You mentioned a severe car accident? I hope you are feeling better from this. If this was recent and severe, some of what you are feeling might have something to do with that. If that's the case, I would say that taking care of your physical body right now is of utmost importance. This can be things like soaking in a relaxing bath at least twice a week and getting a weekly massage. Do more than you usually do to get out of your head, focus on feeling good in your body, and just healing.

 

Yes. No one could of survive that car accident. I can't believe I did. I went underneath the guide rail and surprise the guide rail didn't cut the top of my car off and my neck.

 

When I think about it, I've been feeling this way before the accident as well. It's more after the accident, which is a bad sign. I agree with you about taking a bath and a massage. Apparently, I don't have a bath since my dad is helping me with the remodeling with the house.

 

I will look into getting a spa treatment on the weekend for myself. I do love getting a hydrotherapy tub and massage. I should find out where with the right price too.

 

Personally, I don't think you need to travel to find yourself. It's a wonderful thing to do if you want to do that, but it's not the end-all-be-all for self growth. Whether you are travelling to grow into something versus run away from something is up for you to decide. You have time. Right now, I'd just start doing some internet and travel brochure browsing. What are popular places? What tends to be safe for single women? What are affordable destinations? I'd use those types of questions to get a starting list and then investigate the options from there. Read someone's online travel journal. See if those are the types of things you want to experience.

 

I'm running away from a boring life.

 

Those are good ideas. I will look into more after my physical therapy.

 

More than a relationship, you sound like you need a friend. Just someone who can give you hugs and love and just support and listen to you right now. Do you have this in your life? As exhausting as it may be, I'd aim to find at least one person you can confide in. And if you can go on spa trips together, that's just a big ole' bonus!

 

Last, but not least, consider therapy. That's not to say there is anything wrong with you but just that after trauma, sometimes it's good to get our feelings out there with a professional and see if they can provide us with some coping mechanisms and/or homework to help us track progress towards measurable goals.

 

In short, try to compartmentalize. Work is work and home is your haven for now as you slowly focus on your emotional and physical health, build social connections, make travel plans, and think more about your career for the future.

 

I talked to my friend today because I told her I'm not feeling emotionally well. She told me that I'm really closed up and guarded up. She's my coworker and supervisor at the same time. So she told me I have a built wall that all I do is work and go home. She told me I really need to break down my wall and step out of my comfort zone. She told me I'll be the kid that sits on the bench or cheers everyone on. Also she told me she sees a lot of I and N in me when I told her I'm INTJ.

 

I definitely agreed with her. I gave her a hug to thank her for being blunt with me.

 

I know what I have to do now. Thanks to you ladies for the advices! It helped me to understand a lot better!