I broke NC :(

[dreamyjane]

Hi guys!

 

I want to beat myself for doing it! I´ve worked so hard on myself for last month. Today my ex wrote me a msg about how he feels bad, that he hurt me and so on...and he thought we would be fine together, but it won´t happen cause of me.

I texted him, how I´m proud about myself, I´m doing great and I have no hard feelings over him...and I know it was best for us, we have to work on our issues alone and I wish him the best. I was really positive and mature! First he was really kind to me, but then he started to talk about our relationship... It was terrible...like everything was my mistake...

I had to visit therapist to overcoming feelings of guilt (he has problems with weed). I started to crying for 30 minutes. Gosh! I hate this feeling of sensitivity ! I was so sure about myself, that I´m feeling better!

I told him, I didn´t want to talk about past, that I thought he realises, what he has done to me...but... I see...nothing has changed...

Later we just talk, it was really friendly...and he told me, that I´m so insecure in relationship, why can´t I be always just myself...that he has always loved me for being myself...

The funny thing is I´m working on my issues, but I don´t think so...he is doing the same.

When I told him, I hope...that I will find the guy who will love me and I will have kids with him. He was sad...and started talking about kids together...He was the one who iniciated BU, so I don´t get it. I decided to BU after his mum told me about his problem with weed...

I told him, that I won´t contact him...and maybe it will like this forever. He told me, that he respects my decision, but hopes it won´t last forever...and maybe he will text me... He didn´t want to finish discussion between us, because he was worried, that I will never write him...I won´t read his msg and he knows it...

I miss him as friend, not as partner. I know, he must truly put effort to change himself...and he knows, he won´t get chance being with me without quitting weed... I can´t change him and I don´t want to change him. It is his life, not mine. It was so hard for me to accepting it...and I know, that it isn´t true, that true love will conquer anything...

 

I know, it will be okay. I can do NC. It won´t be so hard after month and 9 days. I have feeling, that I can handle better problems on my own, but my ex isn´t capable of handle problems on his own...

 

I´m dissapointed in myself, that I believed in some magic...that he´s truly sorry...

[mg22]

Go back to NC, to much drama still going on.

[confuse3]

Perhaps he is sorry, but when you really want that person back in your life, sometimes people can resort to trying to guilt them back. It can be pretty uncharacteristic, but it happens. Don't feel guilty. You are progressing to understand that not everything is your fault, (because it isn't), and I think you need to take time for yourself. He will learn to figure his life out, and I think that if he gets to a point, he will realize that he is messing up, but that is not something you should be concerned with as hard as it may be now. Ignore anymore communication for as long as you can. Focus on yourself right now, and don't think about anybody else.

 

Also, we are taught that true love trumps all, but sometimes you have to make sure you love yourself first.

[dreamyjane]

Also, we are taught that true love trumps all, but sometimes you have to make sure you love yourself first.

 

Thank you so much confuse3! You´re absolutely right! I have to focus on myself, because I have hard time in university...and I want to succeed. I don´t care, that he wants to talk with me. I don´t want to. It took me long time to put myself first.

 

Thank you mg22! Yes, too much drama. I´m going back to NC.