Is he using me? Or is it too soon to tell?

[brilyn027]

My ex and I tried reconciling last July. But he had decided to move out west so we quit trying. I balled my eyes out and the way I reacted, he blocked me from everything. From that point, I just tried moving on, which I did. Just this month, I wanted to make a new facebook account because of people and personal reasons. Anyway, I happened to run into his facebook. I thought a simple hi, how are you? Would be ok since there's nothing between us anymore. When I messaged him, he replied and that was that. A few days later, were talking and start picking on each other, in a friendly way. But he also asked if he was able to stay here for a while cause things weren't working out where he lives and I told him that he can stay here a night or 2 from time to time if he ever gets tired of where he is but that's it and that he could have the couch. He said he would just sleep on the floor and we argued about it and eventually he said he might want to try things with me if I was on the floor and I just said "whatever, ill take the couch then." Well sometime later I had deactivated my account and forgot a friends number so I log back in to get it. I sign in with a message from my ex saying "done talking to me now?" And I just said "I dont know. If you want me to be I guess". Then he said "but you're deactivating your facebook" and I go "yeah. You have my number so if you want to talk, then talk. If not, thats fine too." He said he didn't have my number. I just asked him if he was hinting that he wanted my number and he said he was so I gave it to him then deactivate my account. An hour later he texts me and says hi. Then we start talking from there. I really didnt care what he had to say. I was just about over him and almost moved on completely. But he told me he wants to try again and that he missed me and I'm the best he's had. And that he cant blame me for being cautious and promised me he wouldn't cut out again. And he said hes not sure he can prove himself after that. I was just like, "ok. Last I knew, til they made a pill that made you care, you weren't going to" Then he said "throwing mistakes in my face isn't very inviting to try anything I told him I'm done chasing. I cant do it anymore. He said he's worried that the roles will reverse if he chased me, that I wouldn't care and it would be one sided. Cause I was the chaser. After we had talked about it and agreed to try again, I told him I don't do one night stands with exes. He said he wouldn't have the anticipation if wondering how amazing the se* was while hes with me. I kind of agreed just to see if hes really wanting me or to just do things. We planned out how we were going to have se* and everything lol. Honestly, this wasn't going to happen. I was just seeing what his intentions were. I dont do things with exes like I told him. After all this planning and wanting to come over Friday night, he wanted to wait due to a problem I have and has a viewing to go to Friday evening anyway and that he could possibly come out Sunday. I told him Id rather just wait til the meds clear up my problem. He just said okay. No, not "id like to see you anyway". He didn't talk to me much at all yesterday. But then he does keep to himself when people in his life pass away. It was his pastor from an old church. We've only been talking a couple days. And he initiated wanting to try things again and I never even brought anything up. I'm going to tell him I want to take things slow and not have sex until we see if it does work out. But I'm just so confused. My guy friend I talk to about him said it confuses him too. I dont know what to think. Someone please help!? Thanks in advance

[somechick99]

Why are you even bothering with this guy? He blocked you for being upset he was leaving? Unless you reacted like a psycho and hid his plane ticket, all that says is your feelings are the last thing he cares about or wants to deal with. The fact he decided on his own (rather than a job, family issue etc) to move so far from you also shows he has other things going on he considers way more important than bothering with you.

 

Contacting him with offers of favors and possible sex while he's done nothing to deserve either is a wonderful formula for being used...not only by this guy, but any man you date.

 

I would highly recommend the book "Why Men Love Bi***es" because it pretty much breaks down what guys are thinking in these scenarios.

 

He more than likely sees you as a doormat, as harsh as that sounds. And please don't buy into his BS excuses about not making effort b/c you might suddenly become as distant and cold as he is. Lol!!! It's an insult to your intelligence that he tried to pass that off as logic

[SooSad33]

You two break up... nothing for a while.

You decide to contact him... again.. and he responded this way?

 

is this what you really want? To try.. again? if so, then yes, take it slowly. See IF he proves his part.

 

Is everything from the past all cleared up.. no hard feelings lingering? "My ex and I tried reconciling last July".

[ThatwasThen]

He's already talking about sex with you but not a word about loving you. I'd say that sex is likely all he wants. Only time and you being able to keep your personal boundaries strong will tell. Don't have sex with I'm while you're "seeing how it goes."