How do you know he's just using you to make his ex jealous?

[sayonararara]

I went out that night because there was an event at the plaza. When he saw me, he said "Here she is..." and he stood up, left his friends and came to me to give me that cute hug I still can't forget. We talked about how he's doing on his job and about me being in school. We haven't seen each other for 3 weeks and it was just nice to feel like he did miss me when he came to hug me right after he saw me. ...His ex was just right behind us.

 

He was smiling that time and he opened his arms widely like telling me to come to him so I did and gave him a warm embrace. We hugged too long and that his friends were just looking at us smiling like actually seeing a sweet part of a romantic movie. He kissed me twice on my left cheek, haven't heard of that kind of greeting in Italy. I'm pretty sure, you kiss a person cheek to cheek, but instead his lips pecked my left cheek twice. He even introduced a friend and we did talk for a bit because I had to go home... His ex was there and she was actually looking at me when I passed by.

 

Okay so maybe you're gonna ask "Does he only do that when his ex is around?" No. I'm not sure, but there were also times when he'd randomly do that, but honestly when his ex is around, I feel like we hug a little longer.

He always uses the perfume I've given him on his birthday though and I like the thought of that.

 

I thought I wanted to talk to him (I actually planned to tell him that he makes me happier and that I like him...after months of holding it back because of the language differences. I felt like I was ready to talk about my feelings for him. I thought it wouldn't be easy to tell it to him knowing I still couldn't speak straight Italian but at least I wanted to try.) So I invited him for a walk and he said we'd do it after dinner. He went home. I messaged him and asked if he's done and he said yes. I felt like he had no interest in doing it because his reply was so blunt and maybe because the weather's a bit bad. But if he really wanted to, he'd reply as soon as he could or I don't know...So I told him, it's okay if he doesn't want to. Later he replied saying "however you want to". So we didn't go.

 

The next day, I went to the bar and saw him talking to two people...his ex and a guy. Although I didn't know what was going on, it made me feel sad and the first thing that I thought about was he was just using me to make her jealous. But if I wasn't mistaken, I think I heard him said my name but I didn't want to look. I hate that I felt jealous. After a minute or two, he actually left his ex and the guy and went to his friends.

 

My best friend said he's unpredictable.

Considering all these things I've written, is he just using me to make his ex jealous?

[mhowe]

Are you dating him?

[sayonararara]

No. We are not dating.

[mhowe]

Than he's not using you. He's just being Italian.

[j.man]

What part of Italy? Italian culture shifts noticeably as you go North to South. My father is Sicilian and his family kisses everyone directly on the cheek, men or women, stranger or no.

 

My mother's Spanish and we cheek to cheek twice (once each side) familiar, then you might directly kiss on the cheek.

 

Point is I wouldn't think much of hugs and kisses on the cheek. I know it would be relatively meaningless if I did it.

[ParisPaulette]

Well until and unless he asks you out on a proper date it's all kind of immaterial, don't you think? He's flirting, big deal. Lots of people do that and never have any intention of asking someone out or starting anything.

 

Also if you have this much angst about him being friends with an ex do not even bother getting together with him. He won't give her up for you and she will always be around. And you will just get more and more jealous and likely blow things out of the water shortly thereafter. It's a bit like poking a hornet's nest with a stick and saying, "Do you think I'm going to get stung?" Well, duh!

 

Give this one a pass beyond flirting. Keep your emotions to yourself, realize you have a crush, and if he isn't asking you on dates he really isn't that interested.

 

Find the guy who asks you out.

 

And in Italy as in many parts of Europe hugs and kisses, even yes lingering ones if you're a pretty woman and he's an appreciative man of female beauty, are totally, totally normal. I have family in Italy, I've been there multiple times. I have been flirted with madly even when I was sick with a bad cold and dripping snot everywhere. And that was the waiter who got the cook and the two of them whipped me up the best chicken soup and fussed over me like I was a queen.

 

Sigh, I miss Italy. Look, enjoy it all. Enjoy everyone flirting with you. Flirt back, don't lose your heart or your head, except to Italy itself. Fall in love with the land, the art, the architecture. There's your real prize.