Glasgow Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Recently I've been having bad anxiety that my girlfriend is cheating on me. She has proven multiple times she isn't and I believe her however, I cannot take my mind of the thought of her being with someone else or doing something behind my back (I know this is completely my fault) and I'm not sure what to do? She makes me happy and she loves me very much I do not want to hurt her. I think I love her too but there's something inside of me that is making me think I would be better without her. I do not want to hurt this woman. She is the best thing that's ever happened to me. What do I do? Link to comment
DoF Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 a) recognize and figure out EXACTLY what is making you feel this way. Does she spend a lot of time with you? Does she show you love with ACTION (rather than just words?)Does she make you a priority? Does she hang out with opposite sex? See if there is a trigger. If not > move to b) b) You know how sometimes thoughts come up into your head of a nice lady, or attraction towards another lady....and you squash them right away, and they just go away? You need to do the same about your girl cheating. Your thoughts are not healthy and by dwelling on them and allowing them to flourish, you enable those thoughts to make you a crappy/jealous person. Mind control and thought management is important. Do a better job! Link to comment
Glasgow Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 a) recognize and figure out EXACTLY what is making you feel this way. Does she spend a lot of time with you? Does she show you love with ACTION (rather than just words?)Does she make you a priority? Does she hang out with opposite sex? See if there is a trigger. If not > move to b) b) You know how sometimes thoughts come up into your head of a nice lady, or attraction towards another lady....and you squash them right away, and they just go away? You need to do the same about your girl cheating. Your thoughts are not healthy and by dwelling on them and allowing them to flourish, you enable those thoughts to make you a crappy/jealous person. Mind control and thought management is important. Do a better job! We spend almost every day together, she shows she loves me and she does make me her priority. I try to stop the thoughts and feelings however, they just keep getting worse and over time all the anxiousness and fear has built up and cause me to break down. I've been avoiding work and socialisation and I've barely eaten. I do not want to blame this all on my girl, I don't want to hurt her and I don't want to break up with her, I am lost. Link to comment
DoF Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 We spend almost every day together, she shows she loves me and she does make me her priority. I try to stop the thoughts and feelings however, they just keep getting worse and over time all the anxiousness and fear has built up and cause me to break down. I've been avoiding work and socialisation and I've barely eaten. I do not want to blame this all on my girl, I don't want to hurt her and I don't want to break up with her, I am lost. Ok, in that case, you have some deeper issues. Most here will recommend getting professional help, and I would do. But first thing I would highly recommend is making sure you are eating healthy and physical activity on daily basis!!! At least 1-2 hours a day. Then, it's all about mind diversion. You are simply doing a poor job at managing those thoughts and allowing them to control you. Above advice will help with that a bit (as your mental strength, stability and control will all improve with healthy diet/physical activity). Get those thoughts out of your head. Focus on her positives, be optimistic. If above doesn't work within few months. Go see a doctor,you might have deeper issues that will need to be handled with medication. Meanwhile, sit your girl down and apologize for your act. Tell her you are going to work hard on yourself to prevent that from happening again! This will help her current anxiety/concerns about you. You need to show her that you are strong and serious, WITH ACTION. No need for emotions or anything drastic, just be cool and build her confidence (and yours) with your words. Heck, get her out there WITH you and play sports. go for Hikes/Run....whatever floats that boat. Just get that blood pumping!!!! Link to comment
Glasgow Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 Thank you. My life wouldn't be the same without her, I just feel like I'm pushing her away but I can't stop myself from being the way I am. I'm scared I'm going to lose her in the future. Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I think if these obsessive thoughts are starting to affect your ability to work and to socialize, you need to go see a professional ASAP. I would also add, what else did you have going on in your life before all this started? Did you have a life outside your girlfriend, or is it all centered around her? If we make one person the cause of our entire existence and have nothing else to live for, of course we are going to start worrying "What if they leave?" I think the suggestions to get out there and exercise are good, and also to make sure you are getting sufficient nutrients through diet. Do you use any drugs or alcohol? If so, cut all those out too. There are a number of drugs that can make you paranoid and cause obsessive thinking, and alcohol can make you depressed. I'd further suggest that you make yourself get together with a friend or family member at least once a week and do something to take your focus off your girlfriend and the relationship. Get some perspective. When you're all up in a situation, it's hard to see the forest sometimes, you know? Link to comment
Glasgow Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 A few others I have spoken to believe that my problems prior to the relationship are catching up to me and I'm using the relationship as an out. The point you made about her being the cause of my entire existence is interesting. Should we take a bit of time apart to kind of regenerate and allow us to realise how much we love each other? I don't take drugs but enjoy a drink for the social context but after meeting my woman I've cut it down so that is not a problem. Thank you for taking the time to help. Link to comment
saluk Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I don't think mind diversion will help here. He shouldn't be having these thoughts in the first place. Where are they coming from? What problems did you have prior to this relationship, and what are your previous relationship experiences. Have you been cheated on in the past. Are you missing other things in your life such that if you lose the relationship you will have nothing, causing you to cling to tight to it? Link to comment
Glasgow Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 I don't think mind diversion will help here. He shouldn't be having these thoughts in the first place. Where are they coming from? What problems did you have prior to this relationship, and what are your previous relationship experiences. Have you been cheated on in the past. Are you missing other things in your life such that if you lose the relationship you will have nothing, causing you to cling to tight to it? They believe that due to my previous family problems, financial problems and stress from school/work and just life in general has gotten to me and I never spoke to anyone about it before and now I have something that means something to me and someone I can talk to I use it as an opportunity to get it out. I've never been cheated on before (to my knowledge) however, I feel seeing how casual being deceitful and cheating is now-a-days and is a part of every day life even in movies and programmes it has scared me that if it can happen to people I know and people I don't know it could easily happen to me. Link to comment
emma olivia Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 a) perceive and make sense of EXACTLY what is making you feel along these lines. Does she invest a considerable measure of energy with you? Does she demonstrat to you adore with ACTION (instead of just words?)Does she make you a need? Does she hang out with inverse sex? Check whether there is a trigger. If not > move to b) b) You know how now and then contemplations come up into your leader of a decent woman, or fascination towards another lady....and you squash them immediately, and they simply go away? You have to do likewise about your young lady swindling. Your contemplations are not beneficial and by harping on them and permitting them to prosper, you empower those musings to make you a crappy/envious individual. Brain control and thought administration is vital. Improve work! Link to comment
notalady Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 They believe that due to my previous family problems, financial problems and stress from school/work and just life in general has gotten to me and I never spoke to anyone about it before and now I have something that means something to me and someone I can talk to I use it as an opportunity to get it out. I've never been cheated on before (to my knowledge) however, I feel seeing how casual being deceitful and cheating is now-a-days and is a part of every day life even in movies and programmes it has scared me that if it can happen to people I know and people I don't know it could easily happen to me. You're not dating a movie or program. Those are dramatised for entertainment. If that's your source of reality then you really do need therapy. You're also not dating people who cheated on people you know. You're are dating your girlfriend, and you should know if she is trustworthy. People die in movies and tv and around us too, all kinds of bad things happen to people all over the world, do you also sit around worrying that those can happen to you too? Link to comment
emma olivia Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Alright, all things considered, you have some more profound issues. Most here will suggest getting proficient help, and I would do. Be that as it may, first thing I would exceedingly prescribe is ensuring you are eating sound and physical movement on everyday schedule!!! No less than 1-2 hours a day. At that point, it's about brain redirection. You are basically making an unfortunate display with dealing with those considerations and permitting them to control you. Above exhortation will help with that a bit (as your mental quality, soundness and control will all enhance with solid eating routine/physical action). Get those considerations out of your head. Concentrate on her positives, be idealistic. Link to comment
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