In the end a relationship is judged based on how good it was, not the break up?

[letmeknow92]

What do you guys think of the phrase, "...in the end, a relationship will not be judged based on the break up (which could have been due to petty fights etc.) but on how good the relationship was."

 

I am sure that I am a great guy who sacrificed everything for my girlfriend but she got comfortable and took that for granted. I must admit i got clingy at times and demanded her attention, but i do know when i crossed her and was never ashamed to say sorry. Breaking up with me was easy for her even though we were together for 3 years. We did break up a few times before this and all of those times i just booked a plane ticket and "flew" to see her. Yes. Flew. Each time its easier for her to say break up and this time was the worst! It feels like she doesnt want to put an effort being in a relationship anymore. The reason for the break up is because she feels like i dont give her the time of day (when im only asking for 5 mins of her time) and she is "too busy with work" to contact me. We were in limited contact for awhile with me and her exchanging texts (i couldnt get over her, i love her way too much). Its weird how when we were in relationship she always said she doesnt have the time at all, always be back later or be right back when she texts me just a minute. But after we're done, she comes online on whatsapp the whole day. In the end after all the beggings and pleading to get back, she said no. So i told her that if the only choice i have is to move on then i have to delete her from everything on social network and i hope she understands. I removed her from facebook friend and blocked her on instagram to keep my sanity. She blocked me on whatsapp.

 

My question to the initial phrase is will she regret it and miss me over time if I disappeared completely, if i am sure I am a good guy who gave her my all but we just happen to fight and broke up with something like this? I'm trying to move on, but im just curious..

[ntAgainPetunia]

She may or may not miss you. However, this is really irrelevant. The point of all of this is for you to heal. She has to take care of her own emotions and actions, not you.

 

I know it's hard to think that way (I'm 2 1/2 months post BU and still struggle), but you have to push yourself in that direction. You did the right thing removing her from FB, it's hard not to check on them.

 

I do think that (for most people) time does soften the bad and hurtful parts of a relationship, or at the very least dulls the pain. Whether she eventually regrets it or not, focus on yourself, make yourself the best you that you can be.

[DoF]

In the end you should just forget about your previous relationship and not judge it at all, accept it for what it was and move on/learn from it.

[IAmFCA]

In the end you should just forget about your previous relationship and not judge it at all, accept it for what it was and move on/learn from it.

 

Yes.

 

In the end you live according to your own standards. The act of judging yourself - and using others for approval to let yourself off the hook, as you imply here - is harmful. Always. We are human and sometimes we are less than graceful. Learn to be graceful and assertive in more situations, and move on. Self respect is the goal, not approval.

[RainyCoast]

except good/functional relationships don't end over petty fights usually.

 

and that one didn't end because of "petty stuff", those are some actual dealbreakers in there.

 

i think it unrealistic and detrimental to evaluate a past relationship exclusively on it's highest points. even the bad or downright horrible relationships have pleasant moments, or at least moments that can be, in retrospect, longfully referred to as the "sweet" in the "bitter-sweet relationship" or even masochistically romanticized. but an occasional leap into the blinding light of harmony is not a measure of the relationship's worth if otherwise, the couple is consistently unable to sustain their "altitude".

 

if it helps you to not be bitter and cynical, then i don't see the harm in choosing to remember the good things about the past at all.

 

but i would be careful not to view the relationship through a distortion glass that makes it appear rounder and softer than it's unpleasantly honest real-life counterpart. simply because avoiding to see it's true shape, form and function means also declining a chance to learn and aim better next time.

[TMifune]

How far apart did you two live that you had to fly to see her? How long were you this far apart?