Woman and Guys....can only pick 1

[Fudgie]

The way I see it, I am willing to date someone morbidly obese, or lots of acne, or a number of medical issues. I think I'm okay to have this deal breaker.

 

Btw, I've never dated a man with a tattoo. Current boyfriend does not have tattoos.

[Dougie_D]

I find it interesting that you think that other people shouldn't have too many/too picky dealbreakers, yet you yourself said that you'd flat-out reject a girl who is otherwise cute, into you, and has similar interests, simply based on the size of her breasts.

 

I'm more precise. Being picky is 1 thing your partner HAS to have. Like if I said she can only being flat chested and nothing else, that's being too picky. If someone says they have to be only 1 certain height. That's too picky. But if you say, I prefer them to be 5"10 to 6"3... That's picky but that's fair.

[reinventmyself]

I'm more precise. Being picky is 1 thing your partner HAS to have. Like if I said she can only being flat chested and nothing else, that's being too picky. If someone says they have to be only 1 certain height. That's too picky. But if you say, I prefer them to be 5"10 to 6"3... That's picky but that's fair.

 

Just curious Dougie. I am asked because you have put yourself out there on more than one occasion.

You have shared your dating struggles with us and solicited advise.

Would you pass on a small chested (or flat) woman that has everything else going for her?

[Dougie_D]

lol and THAT is why the OP is never going to get the "one size fits all" answer he is looking for. Too many examples of individual preferences.

 

For myself, I don't mind tattoos as long as they are tasteful and have meaning. My husband has 7 of them and I think they are sexy as hell...but I can completely understand that for you they are a complete turn off which means we would be attracted to completely different men and the OPs question loses all relevance.

 

No. That's my point! Everyone has different "dealbreakers" so don't be hard on yourself when people naturally aren't attracted to you.

Jeez... Can't you guys tell that I'm trying to convince myself that I just get caught up with girls that aren't attracted to me because I have a quality she doesn't like and it's her preference. I used to think that all girls have same dealbreakers, but it's not the case, so I still have hope.

[reinventmyself]

No. That's my point! Everyone has different "dealbreakers" so don't be hard on yourself when people naturally aren't attracted to you.

Jeez... Can't you guys tell that I'm trying to convince myself that I just get caught up with girls that aren't attracted to me because I have a quality she doesn't like and it's her preference. I used to think that all girls have same dealbreakers, but it's not the case, so I still have hope.

 

ok . . good point.

I get what this is about for you now.

[Dougie_D]

So, big breasts are all you require. You have no requirements regarding personality, morals, lifestyle, intelligence, interests, etc. All you want are big, big breasts.

 

Good luck, Dougie!

 

Not sure. I'm the type that would change for a girl if she digs me. I'm pretty desperate. I used to be super picky back in the day. I have no right, so I'm just choosing my major major big turnoffs

[Patrick974]

Not sure. I'm the type that would change for a girl if she digs me. I'm pretty desperate. I used to be super picky back in the day. I have no right, so I'm just choosing my major major big turnoffs

 

Desperate, man... Dont ever be. Good that you have less major turn off. Does the movie "Shallow hal" rings a bell? Not that its a masterpiece but it raises good points. Ive had awesome girlfriends whom werent super gorgeous. I didnt care. They had plenty other things going for them.

[Dougie_D]

Honestly I was wondering if I personally had attributes that I couldn't fix that is repulsive too women. A girl told me I wasn't ugly, but then she said "except, that what makes you unattractive is your overbite and weak/small chin"

In Highschool my parents wanted me to get plastic surgery for it, but I never thought I needed it. If the consensus of women agreed I would be more attractive with a better chin, etc... Than I regret what I did.

[Dougie_D]

Just curious Dougie. I am asked because you have put yourself out there on more than one occasion.

You have shared your dating struggles with us and solicited advise.

Would you pass on a small chested (or flat) woman that has everything else going for her?

 

I just will have a hard time thinking I'm dating a boy or young girl. And I mean like flat chested girls. I don't know what sizes they are. But in that scenario she would just be a friend to me. I have somewhat of a "breast ffff -Ing" fetish when I watch "videos".

[IAmFCA]

Honestly I was wondering if I personally had attributes that I couldn't fix that is repulsive too women. A girl told me I wasn't ugly, but then she said "except, that what makes you unattractive is your overbite and weak/small chin"

In Highschool my parents wanted me to get plastic surgery for it, but I never thought I needed it. If the consensus of women agreed I would be more attractive with a better chin, etc... Than I regret what I did.

 

Chin--- some people have a strong opinion, some people have no opinion whatsoever. I don't think any one of us mentioned chin as a positive or a negative.

 

Dougie this issue of "What is wrong with me" has been nipping at your ankles for a long time. The only thing wrong with you is that you are convinced something is wrong with you that isn't wrong with anyone else. Many people have this same nagging feeling. It is completely weird how arbitrary this aspect of ourselves is, but the truth is, one day, you've just got to decide "I've got lots wrong with me, and that's okay." Because we all do, and it IS okay. We all are in the same boat together.

 

On the looks issue, as Patrick just posted, a similar theme from me. I generally date men who IMO are, well, fantastic looking. OTOH, for about five years I was in love with a man who was easily the least attractive man I have ever known, Ever, friend or foe. Dating him was something that happened over time, as I came to see his character. He had great character. Not necessarily pleasant: he could be gruff, curt, and demanding. He didn't give a rat's patootie whether others liked him. He was honest, respectful, and polite. Somehow, those three traits set him head and shoulders apart. I dated someone else who is not handsome whatsoever, and is rather obnoxious, but he is whip smart and athletic, so he is a mixed bag. I dated a guy who could be a model. It didn't go anywhere past a few dates.

 

Point is, everyone has a set of gifts. Including you. Use what you've got and accept that your set of gifts isn't for everyone. So what. Dating everyone would be tiresome anyhow.

[Dougie_D]

I just want someone to love me based off a physical attribute that I have rather than "I love his personality"

 

I want a girlfriend to brag to her friends how hot I am or how she loves my big ears when even her friends think it's repulsive.

 

I already know I have a sweet, caring personality and would be a great boyfriend to someone.

 

I just need some type of validation that I'm not physically repulsive to women. And the longer I never hear "you're attractive, cute, hot,sexy,etc"" makes me think I'm never ever going to attract a girl.

 

No one dates someone where there is absolute no physical attraction at all.

[Dougie_D]

If some one said, "you are hot, but you have a terrible personality" .. I'd be fine with that. At least it's not my physical appearance.

[IAmFCA]

I just want someone to love me based off a physical attribute that I have rather than "I love his personality"

 

I want a girlfriend to brag to her friends how hot I am or how she loves my big ears when even her friends think it's repulsive.

 

I already know I have a sweet, caring personality and would be a great boyfriend to someone.

 

I just need some type of validation that I'm not physically repulsive to women. And the longer I never hear "you're attractive, cute, hot,sexy,etc"" makes me think I'm never ever going to attract a girl.

 

No one dates someone where there is absolute no physical attraction at all.

 

Your personality is WAY more powerful than your looks, even if you were the hottest guy on the planet. I've tried to date based on looks and it just goes nowhere.

 

That said, I understand wanting to feel sexy and attractive. It is a valid feeling. Accept that it may come from the way you carry yourself, or the expressions you make.

 

Finally, yes, as I described, I dated someone who was not, at all, physically attractive. To him I was quite attracted, physically. My attraction was 100% based on who he was, and 0% based on what he looked like. He was about 5'8", was about 20 years older than i and looked about 40 years older than I. His skin was thin and wrinkled, his features were nondescript, he had a paunch, rounded shoulders, no physical strength to speak of, no arm, shoulder or chest muscles, no butt, and he walked funny. And he was no more blessed in his less visible parts than he was in his publicly visible ones. I am trying to tell you, if you want to feel sexy and attractive you will have to be grateful for whatever it is about you that makes it so, and use that to your advantage.

[Dougie_D]

Why did you guys stop dating then? Did you ever have sex? And did you ever tell him you were only attracted to him based on personality and not looks?

 

Based off my posts, I have no sexy or attractive qualities. No one says good things except "I'm nice". They all tell me "I'm lazy, I'm fat, I need a new haircut, I'm short, my theories suck, I shouldn't play games, etc.."

Just because I can play a musical instrument is not going to get me a date. That's probably the only good quality I have, but it's worthless in the dating realm.

[IAmFCA]

Why did you guys stop dating then? Did you ever have sex? And did you ever tell him you were only attracted to him based on personality and not looks?

 

(1) He died.

(2) Yes and well.

(3) Of course not. There is nothing constructive in that. If he wore something nice for dinner, I said it looked well on him because it was true.

[IAmFCA]

If some one said, "you are hot, but you have a terrible personality" .. I'd be fine with that. At least it's not my physical appearance.

 

I can't control my height nor the shape, proportion and placement of my features. I CAN control the shape I am in and the spirit I bring to each day, and therefore it is for those things I hope to be appreciated.

 

Men who like my looks scare me, because (1) there always will be someone better, and (2) my looks will change over time and he may not like them then. My personality - well, there is only one Me.

[Dougie_D]

(1) He died.

(2) Yes and well.

(3) Of course not. There is nothing constructive in that. If he wore something nice for dinner, I said it looked well on him because it was true.

Sorry about that. ... I edited my post. I don't think I have any sexy qualities.

[IAmFCA]

Sorry about that. ... I edited my post. I don't think I have any sexy qualities.

 

A theme among all of your threads is what other people tell you.

 

YOU have to decode what your strengths are. That is where your sex appeal lies. Playing an instrument definitely is one.

 

In your language, what are your least unfortunate traits? Those are your strengths. Start there.

[Dougie_D]

A theme among all of your threads is what other people tell you.

 

YOU have to decode what your strengths are. That is where your sex appeal lies. Playing an instrument definitely is one.

 

In your language, what are your least unfortunate traits? Those are your strengths. Start there.

 

I can make people feel better about themselves in any way I can. I've heard that I can somehow always brighten someone's day....even if that means putting myself down to bring them up.

 

I have a knack of knowing what songs are hits or not. I've tried to get numourous scouting jobs, but labels don't care unless you bring something else to the table (producer, manager connections they don't have) ... For example I interned at a small indie label and I was one of their top scouts.. But they hired a guy who was from a major label. When they hired him, he brought major label contacts and convinced some bigger bands to resign with the smaller label.

I am very knowledgeable on current music, but chicks don't care.

[tiredofvampires]

You are right that you won't get mileage with chicks because of your musical knowledge. Knowledge (about anything) is only very passingly impressive, if that, when it comes to romance. (In fact, if you talk in a showy, know-it-all way, that's a major turn-off for most.)

 

What women care about most is your ability to connect on a human, emotional level about things that are important to them, that you demonstrate your capability in worldly ways, and that you stimulate them with your mind. If you can do these things, you are pretty much home free.

There are a lot of variations from woman to woman about how those qualities might look and specific dealbreakers, but if I had to make the most universal statement about what women are looking for, it would be these things. If you can't provide these things, in general you are going to have it pretty tough.

 

The farther women get from age 13 and their first period, the more all the rest can be negotiable.

 

You said if a woman said "you're hot but you have a terrible personality", you would be relieved at that because that would mean it's not about your appearance.

 

So let me ask you this, if every woman you have run accross since you've started writing threads here said to you, "You know what, you're not hot, but that's not because of your chin or your manboobs or your physical whatever, it's because your personality is terrible -- and that's why none of us want to date you" -- how would you feel about that?

 

I'm asking you, what if you found out that there was no physical dealbreaker for any woman -- the big secret all along is that no one wants to date you because of less external qualities. But they don't want to date you all the same. So the end result is the same.

 

That would make you feel better?

[Out of Africa]

I just want someone to love me based off a physical attribute that I have rather than "I love his personality"

 

Dougie,

 

seriously? I can see in your profile you are 34, and you still bothered with your physical attractiveness only?

 

OK. 3 very simple ways to get "hot" look.

 

1. Go to the gym and beef up.

2. Get fancy hair cut and cloth.

3. Weak chin, boy oh boy, in 2015, with "Lumbersexual guys" on the peak on fashion- it's not a problem any more. Just grow a beard.

?????

PROFIT!!!! Number of gills who find you "sexy" and "hot" will skyrocket (not sure about "quality" of these girls though). But, again, if care only about physical side...

[IAmFCA]

I can make people feel better about themselves in any way I can. I've heard that I can somehow always brighten someone's day....even if that means putting myself down to bring them up.

 

I have a knack of knowing what songs are hits or not. I've tried to get numourous scouting jobs, but labels don't care unless you bring something else to the table (producer, manager connections they don't have) ... For example I interned at a small indie label and I was one of their top scouts.. But they hired a guy who was from a major label. When they hired him, he brought major label contacts and convinced some bigger bands to resign with the smaller label.

I am very knowledgeable on current music, but chicks don't care.

 

Dougie,

 

I came onto the site this morning expressly because I was SO excited to read your recitation of your strong points. My memory of your posts from a few years back is that they included nothing positive about yourself. The fact that you were able to post this reciatation of your strengths made me so happy this morning! As you will see in my posts and TOVs posts and others, what works for some of us doesn't work for others. Re music knowledge -- the last man I dated without a knowledge of music was the man I divorced. I have dated two or three drummers, at least two guitarists, and everyone has been willing to accompany me to concerts of all sorts. Music is important to me and to my kids. My guy now seems as if he doesn't know music, but he does, it just is very indy; he is not at all aware of pop stars even their names don't sound familiar to him, but the bands he follows are ones of which I have never heard. So, yes, to me a knowledge of music of some kind is very important and contributes to his attractiveness. The jobs you have tried to land in the music business are jobs I have thought about for myself. Having this in common would be a great feature if we were dating.

 

The fact that you can always brighten someone's day - also huge!

 

I would say you are well on your way towards making changes. I see real growth in you when I read this post. These are traits of value, and a woman of value will be attracted to them. Put yourself in situations like volunteering or regular hiking groups etc such as through MeetUp so that people can get to know you over time. That will work best for you.

 

My last piece of advice for this thread:

I can make people feel better about themselves in any way I can. I've heard that I can somehow always brighten someone's day....even if that means putting myself down to bring them up.

 

Find ways to bring people up, without putting yourself down. Make a commitment to yourself to always treat yourself with affection and respect. Remind yourself of your good qualities all day long. What we say to ourselves is impactful.

 

You are making progress Dougie. I hope you can see it.

[Stay_home]

I don't consider myself a guy totally fixated on looks, but I just cannot and will not date a woman who has dinosaur paws for hands or feet. Do they need to be perfect, absolutely not. But you know what I'm talking about. We've all seen women who try to get away with open-toed shoes, flips or sandals and it's an atrocious sight. That is one of my biggest pet peeves, turn-offs, disconnects or whatever you want to call it. Why? I don't know, I've always been that way. I do like feet so that would be a problem.

[reinventmyself]

If some one said, "you are hot, but you have a terrible personality" .. I'd be fine with that. At least it's not my physical appearance.

 

Oh wow. .that's sad!

I guess because that is something you haven't experienced it might seem appealing.

 

I'd rather be unattractive with a great personality than otherwise.

 

Look. .I've dated gorgeous men with fancy titles. That's what got them in the door.

But they couldn't stay because they didn't have the character to back it up.

 

I know you are still trying to figure things out. .

I am glad your asking questions and listening to feedback.

You'll get there!

[TMifune]

Oh wow. .that's sad!

 

I have a hard time believing his statement is really sincere and self-aware. I think many guys struggle with getting through the door so-to-speak. That is, they have a hard time getting a woman to be willing to spend enough time around them to get to know who they really are. So they project that onto their appearance.

 

If I had to guess I'd say Dougie desperately wants to be loved for who he is, but places so much emphasis on the physical because he feels like that's why he can't get an opportunity to show off who he is.

 

But, that's just my theory....I've been surprised by how superficial some people can be before.