Delamer1492 Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Hi everyone! I'm completely lost. I quit a great job and changed cities to move in with someone who was supposed to be the love of my life. Over a year has gone by and now he doesn't want to get married. Or at least, he doesn't want to right now. He basically proposed before I moved but now it's turned into something for the distant future and he won't even give me a good reason. On top of it all, he isn't the best of people. He is grouchy, irritable, he snaps at me and his daughter (who lives with us). He is a good man and I do love him but he is not the person I thought he was. But, when I talk about leaving he cries and begs me not to go. So now I'm in a city that isn't great, living with a man (which I said I would never do) and I don't even like my job that much. I'm turning 32 soon. Should I leave? I'm thinking about just quitting everything and moving to California. Or Texas. Or anywhere. Ideas? Thank you. Link to comment
BigKK Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Well he baited you in with the proposal and pulls that out once he has you. I think nothing is going to change so you should decide if you want to be dating the grouch in a situation you don't like. Good for you taking a chance, but this is how a distance relationship goes. Everything is roses while you have your own lives and just chat, the rubber hits the road when you're living together and you get to see how the person actually is. He is no longer on his best behavior. In this case...he's not what he presented. If anything it was perhaps just all a fantasy, but it seems like you we're tricked. I say move on. California is pretty nice. Good luck Link to comment
Delamer1492 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 Sadly, he and I were actually friends since I was 18, so I thought I knew him. But yes, you are right, you never truly know someone until... California--maybe that is the answer. Thanks for your thoughts. Link to comment
arjumand Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Definitely leave. What are you staying for? He isn't what you want and he doesn't want the same life you do. Go somewhere and meet new people. Link to comment
Delamer1492 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 Yes you are right. Starting all over again at 32 sounds like a sad prospect but I think it's what needs to be done. Thanks for responding. Link to comment
JustWishing Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 On top of it all, he isn't the best of people. He is grouchy, irritable, he snaps at me and his daughter (who lives with us). He is a good man and I do love him but he is not the person I thought he was. But, when I talk about leaving he cries and begs me not to go. Maybe he has similar thoughts about you and that is the reason why he is not sure about the marriage thing. Maybe he thinks she is not the person I expected her to be. Sometimes people grow apart with time and looking at the bigger picture...if you are not happy, maybe it is better to go separate ways. And yes California is AWESOME! Don't mind our drought and high grocery prices. LOL Link to comment
surfdiva Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Yes you are right. Starting all over again at 32 sounds like a sad prospect but I think it's what needs to be done. Thanks for responding. Well boy, now I feel old. I'm in my late 40's and starting over. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Yeah! I'm 51. When did 32 become old? He didn't follow through on his word. That should be enough. You should also consider this a bullet dodged (attitude). I see that this is the one that parties like a college-age kid. UGH. Link to comment
DizzyBritches Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Hi Delamer, what you do now is formulate an exit plan. And never again live with a man before you are engaged to him. You gave him all the perks of marriage, which took away any incentive he had to change the arrangement. And btw, I met the man I married at 32. It was just the right time. Don't let this one keep wasting YOUR time. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 My first order of business would be to see if I could get my 'great job' back. If they'd rehire you, you'd have a nice starting point to look forward to. From there you could stash money and then travel around to learn where you may want to move someday. Regardless, I'd get myself out of this mess with Mr. Irritable. He pulled a bait and switch, and the tears to manipulate you into stagnation won't buy you back any wasted time to live over again. Head high, and move FORward. Link to comment
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