When reality hits

[jeepers]

My ex started contacting me because he said he still wanted to be friends and maybe meet up. If i ran into him in person he would give me a hug and kiss me on the cheek. I was really excited because i took the breakup really hard and i still had feelings for him. I took the leap and tried to set up a time to meet he was all for it but when i asked what day he sort of dodged the question and told me his plans for the day. I sent him a text saying i hope he didnt think it was weird that i asked to hang out no response i tried calling a week later just to be sure he didnt want to try. I feel like a huge idiot. And even more heart broken than i did when this all first went down. I am a really busy person i have a full time job that I love I also have two businesses on the side that are starting to take off. I go to the gym every single day pre and post breakup I have amazing friends and I have been on many dates (Ive have discovered that seeing other people makes me feel even worse for some reason and i want to be happy on my own) But i can not put into words how bad I feel or why it hurts the way it does to where i get sick to my stomach and start tearing up at my desk on a daily basis when there are so many other wonderful things to focus on. I'm just wondering if they're maybe something mentally wrong with me? Should I try to get help if it gets worse? this is my first time to ever feel this bad after a break up its never felt like this and I just want to feel better. Ive deleted all of his contact info/ facebook/ instagram even his family members who are friends with me on social media. Its been 4 months since we broke up and a few days since we last spoke. I really hope time helps but i wonder if anyone has ever felt as pathetic as feel and wonder what they tell themselves to get through the day? Does it get better after you totally accept it? How long? I am a yoga teacher and I always say to my students that "you dont have to hold on to anything" i should take my own advice. Maybe there is someone out there who is going through the same thing. If theres a magic "I don't care off switch" has anyone found it yet????

NAMESTE

[DoF]

Your feelings are completely normal.

 

I think you made a HUGE mistake by engaging with him. Hell no, you can't be friends with him. NEVER AGAIN. Not only because he is your ex and by engagin with him you simply RESET YOUR HEALING TIME but also because no good/smart man will EVER consider dating you if you are "friends with your ex".

 

Think about that.

 

I think what you are doing wrong is your mind set. Stop thinking about him. Practice mental deviation. Divert your mind when thoughts of him come up. If you allow those thoughts to flourish or sustain them, forget about healing. Practice makes perfect. In time those thoughts will disappear as fast as they appear.

 

Once you stay away from him and stop dwelling/thinking about him, it's going to take good 3-6 months before you are completely healed. Do NOT engage with opposite sex during that time.

 

Basically, you have been sabotaging yourself and preventing from healing. This is quite common and happens to MANY around here.

 

Good luck

[melancholic_too]

It's normal. And it just takes time. Geez I had tears well up at my desk for no reason all the time and would have to excuse myself to go to the ladies room. It's normal. My coworker I shared the cube-space with knew the situation and was supportive and understanding. I did all the things you did (always worked out, had my friends, etc) and eventually it got less and then it just stopped. It didn't bother me anymore.

 

You did set yourself back some (maybe not 100% since luckily he did NOT meet with you), but deleting him and his family helped me too. A clean break, none of that maybe we can talk here or there crap.

[kbbcoop77]

Totally normal but since you don't share children or have financial ties then the best solution is BLOCK. I know it's hard believe me, my wife left me after 24 years for a mutual family friend, this was 18 months ago and the first year was HELL. She moved right on and they live together and I'm alone ...but now I'm starting to enjoy the less stressful life without her. It takes time but you really need to cut him completely out,

You'll be amazed how much better you feel. Just think of it in daily or weekly increments..then the time just piles up and you won't care anymore. Take care

[jeepers]

All i really wanted was closure he didnt really end it he just kept telling me we would talk and then he had phone issues which im starting to feel like he might not be telling me the truth. Im not sure why he keeps reaching out.But it made me want to try harder. Go big or go home is my motto. But Im a really optimistic person and he is a really good guy i just want us both to be happy but its insanity to keep trying for something and expecting a different result. You guys are right.

[kathy679]

Don't be friends with him in the hope of getting back together. That would be totally the wrong reasons and is bound to end badly for you.

 

It is totally normal to feel like that. No matter how well every other aspect of your life is going you are still mourning a loss. A loss from the relationship with him. So don't be hard on yourself this IS normal to feel like that

[SpottiOtti]

You just had a setback in your healing process. It's normal that you're feeling this way, there's nothing wrong with you. You put yourself out there, and you were already vulnerable from the original breakup, so this little episode affected you more than it probably would have otherwise. Try to do really kind things for yourself this week, and try some positive journaling or other self-esteem building activities. It's pretty standard for your self-esteem to take a hit after something like this; you might have to work on it for awhile. You will come out of this a stronger person with a better BS-meter, and that's a good thing! Take care.

[thejigsup]

After the pain left, I was good friends with one of my exes. He was a cool guy who never played games with anyone. He made a much better friend than bf, even though we dated for years and lived together for a time. He's just one of my favorite people, ever! Now most exes, no, I won't be friends with for various reasons. It's up to you to make the decision whether to be friends or not. It doesn't seem like he wants that, so maybe he answered that one for you.

[jeepers]

its just weird for him to keep opening the door a little bit and then closing it. I dont know why someone would do that. I think if he really cared he wouldn't be doing this. I dont think he knows how much it hurts but yesterday was probably the worst day. But this thread has helped I havent cried at my desk yet so its a good day. Its just weird to have someone who says they want to marry you and make you family then they dont want you anymore and then keep tugging at your cord a little bit if i knew why i think it would be easier to accept. but then again maybe not. Alot of people told me that they saw how much he loved me and that he would defineatly come back so when he started to conact me i think i held on to that and tried way to hard. But it will be ok its nice to know that I am not the only one who is a blubbering mess every other day. but oddly enough I am still on speaking terms with everyone i have ever been involved with and the reason is because we got everything out of our system before we parted ways. I told them exactly what the issues were and why we couldnt be together anymore if they called i picked up and reminded them why it wasnt going to work mostly i didnt see a future with any of them or i wasnt attracted anymore. If someone says its over and this is why i have been able to move on pretty easily but this is a learning experience for sure.