#freethenipple… What do I do?

[ThatwasThen]

I don't love possessively. My boyfriend can do whatever he wants.

including having sex with other women? Including wearing things that showed his package? Including having date-like activities with other women while you are left at home for the evening? He can do "whatever" he wants? You don't draw the line anywhere? Anyway... not really necessary to know the answers to any of those questions. Simply: I would call that an open relationship if there are no relationship boundaries.

 

And I agree on very much: I love to get attention because of who I am and not on how I look. That doesn't mean I don't like to be looked at though.

Do you show body parts to other men in order to get looked at? If you do, then you are similar to the Op's girlfriend. If you do not, then you are simply feeling validated on your looks as seen while clothed appropriately for the situation you are in.

 

Or that I look down on women that like that kind of attention. I'm just asking why it's considered wrong if her boyfriend is ok with it and they talked this through.

He isn't okay with it. If he were, then this thread wouldn't exist. He'd simply go on with his life with her showing her nipples and he certainly wouldn't have to keep reiterating to her that it would not be okay with him for her to dress so her headlights were in full view.

 

And yes, i truly hope the female breast/nipple parts are going to be considered as normal as a naked male breast. And yes it would loose some of it's sexual appeal by that. But not all. To be fair: some of ladies love to look at a naked a men breast and some don't. And some naked men breast are attractive and some aren't. That it is general accepted doesn't make the fetish/appeal to it go away.

Like I said, where I live women can go topless any time they want in public places such as parks etc. In places where shirts are required (like restaurants etc) women and men must wear one.

 

The breast, whether we agree to it or not is an erogenous zone. It stimulates us sexually to have our nipples and breasts fondled during foreplay so no matter what is allowed or accepted by our significant others, the government, other women or men who are breast-men or who are not.... they will never be viewed in the same way as a male breasts.

[Batya33]

Whatever works. I could not be in a relationship where my partner wanted to be noticed for his looks to the degree your gf does. Not because I am possessive but because part of our commitment is that we behave consistently with being only for each other romantically/sexually. Giving out a number to a new friend is fine whatever the gender of that person but in your case it results from the guy checking out her breasts and feeling attracted to her -if it's also about friendship that's fine too but that's not the main trigger. And no it's not triggered because they are so impressed with her support for "free the nipple". If you can accept that behavior that's fine -means you can do the same, flirt with other women and ask for their numbers, see what happens.

 

What stood out for me is that her behavior has been going on for years -so now she's labeling it as "free the nipple" to sanitize it.

[ThatwasThen]

Whatever works. I could not be in a relationship where my partner wanted to be noticed for his looks to the degree your gf does. Not because I am possessive but because part of our commitment is that we behave consistently with being only for each other romantically/sexually.

That in itself is "possessive."

 

 

What stood out for me is that her behavior has been going on for years -so now she's labeling it as "free the nipple" to sanitize it.

agree!

[Batya33]

That in itself is "possessive."

 

 

agree!

 

I don't find that possessive with the negative connotation. I see that as part of exclusivity/commitment/marriage vows, whatever - for me personally. Others define it differently. To me possessive means you are trying to control the other person's behaviors/actions and that person does not want to be restricted in that way or the person demands things that go beyond what was agreed to.

 

When we chose to commit to each other we each knew what that meant. When we had an issue many years ago with a guy who seemed to be behaving inappropriately towards me according to my husband, I didn't necessarily agree but was happy to put his needs first and institute certain boundaries that made him happy. I didn't feel he was being possessive - but sometimes what you agree to do isn't black/white and gray area situations arise.

[ThatwasThen]

I don't find it in the negative connotation either and I didn't mean it in the negative when I posted it to Lucia, either but it still means that we love "possessively." Even those that are in open relationships have some emotions of possessiveness when it comes to their primary partner. Jealousy comes into play (which is also a form of possessiveness) when the primary partner finds a new sex partner (google "compersion" as that is what they label it if you are interested).

 

It all boils down to a sense of "you are mine and I am yours and I don't want other humans interloping in what we have."

[Batya33]

The link removed definition is: Having or manifesting a desire to control or dominate another, especially in order to limit that person's relationships with others.

 

That is not part of a healthy committed relationship - the desire is to be with each other and only with each other but it is not about controlling or dominating another person.

[Lucia Amman]

I don't draw any lines for my bf. He can go out on date like activities with his girlfriends (he does), he goes to the sauna with them if he wants to. If he wants to have sex with them I'm ok with that too. Because I don't see him as my possession. He isn't an object he is a free human being and we happen to be in a relationship. I don't call my relationship an open relationship because that doesn't align with my ideas very much; normally that means you're free to have other relationships too. I don't believe you can have two or more healthy relationships to be honest if he wants that than he is free to leave our relationship. I don't see that as an act of possessiveness but of compassion. Does this mean I would stop loving him? I don't think it would.

 

Compersion is the opposite of jealousy by the way; you feel happy for the other person to fall in love or have sex with someone else but you.

 

Him wearing clothes and showing his package at a party would be totally fine for me. I would see it and treat it as the same thing whenever he goes to the sauna. He loves the sauna, why would I make him stop going? I actually kinda like the idea that others would see his package: I'm very proud of him, should I feel ashamed that others can see him fully naked? What kind of off idea is that?! I just don't see why I would feel any possessives towards any of his body parts. It's just totally weird to me. I would be equally shocked if I want to go topless (at the beach or anywhere else where it is mildly accepted) and my boyfriend isn't ok with that.

 

I don't see my breasts as an erogenous zone, I hate it as a foreplay act too. To be honest my breasts were for breastfeeding and second as an erogenous zone (if I'm in to it). The only way why we see it as such is because we made it 'secretive'. A few decades ago the ankle of a woman was considered an erotic zone. Men might get aroused by the look of it. Now I can see why this isn't the same for you as a woman's breasts but it is. Some women get aroused or even orgasm(!) if you strike her hair, or massage her feet. It doesn't mean we should ban all naked feet and exposed women's hair. Most women and men get aroused by kissing on the lips: we don't try to hide those. Lots of men and women are aroused by earlobes and I could go on and on. I know plenty of men that are very aroused if you play with their nipples: should we go back in time and get a ban on those damn men nipples again that are used in foreplay and therefore an erogenous zone. Female breasts MIGHT be an erogenous zone but only in the right conditions. It isn't by default so. It's because the idea we get aroused by it. I agree there are a lot of nerves bundling in there but so are in your fingertips. And so are in most men's nipples.

 

By the way just because we get aroused by touching of our breasts doesn't mean we are sexually in the mood. We even get aroused by seeing monkeys having sex. That doesn't mean we like monkeys having sex or want to have sex after seeing that. Women's brain are just more participating to the idea that things might happen. It's by default we get aroused but might not be in the mood. For men this works differently when they get aroused they usually want sex. But they don't get aroused if their brother is touching their nipples or if they see monkeys having sex. Only women tend to do that. Men are usually in the mood if they get aroused and women aren't necessarily in the mood at all if their sexually organs react. What I'm saying is just because a women gets sexually aroused by the touching of her breasts doesn't mean she gets in the mood by it. The same goes for men who are raped and got a boner anyway: their body was aroused, not in the mood. Just by naming something an erogenous zone doesn't mean it is in all conditions. You might get sexually aroused but not getting in the mood. It are two totally different things and often a burden for sex victims. So naming the female breasts an erogenous zone is by default. Just because someone might touch it that doesn't mean the female immediately wants sex or is in the mood for it. Just by striking her hair by a stranger doesn't mean she gets in the mood. Now if her boyfriend does one of these two things in the right conditions she feels it: she gets in the mood for it. So showing your breasts, it's just that. It's not sexual by default. It's for breastfeeding babies. And if you're in the right mood it can be an erogenous zone. Just like earlobes, feet, your lips, your nose, your fingertips...

[ThatwasThen]

You are in an open relationship by sheer definition and you, Lucia are an anomaly in general.

[bungalo]

Why are other guys looking at a beautiful woman's breasts and nipples perverts exactly? I'm assuming you enjoy looking as well, what does that make you? Stand up to her if you feel strongly on an issue, she will respect you. No one wants a lapdog especially beautiful women.

[Lucia Amman]

Has anyone seen this french movie: link removed