Jealousy or plain crazy?

[mandeelove]

My bf is very overprotective of me. I am a conservative girl. I dont like attention drawn to me. I dress classy ,never revealing alot. I def dress sexy but its classy . My bf and I match because he likes ths type of woman. We have the same views. The only thing is hes got isses with certain things. Example: I go to the beach/pool. He never is happy with my bathing suits . Says they show alot of skin but all bathing suits do that. He says he doesnt want him to tell me not to wear them. He wants ME to not want to and know they r too revealing. He thinks if im conservative, why am i wearing them.? I tell him its a beach. Im with him and for his eyes. Hes next to me! These arguments went on all summer. We might go on vacay soon and he wants me to leave certain biinis home if they r showing more backside than another, etc etc. I got a new bikini yesterday. He flipped saying hes gonna leave me if i wear tht meanwhie i love it. Spent alot of money on it. Looks like anything else i own. How can i get my bf to know i am conservative yet im human and wear bikinis on a beach. Doesnt make me an attention seeking girl. Yes men look but they always do even when i have jeans on. Any girls ever had a bf like this? What to do? I feel hopeless because this situation seems like it can only get worse. He said if im like this, he will leave me to find a woman not wearing revealing bikinis. Opinions from men would help me too. Thanks!

[relevart]

I think his views on your bathing suits are a huge red flag. Threatening to leave you over a bikini is ridiculous. It's sad because now you're afraid he will leave when in my mind, you should wear that one specific bikini. Better yet, tell him you're wearing it at the beach and are giving him time to make up his mind on whether to leave or get over it.

 

Truth is, he's probably not getting over it and these issues will probably go into other aspects of your life. He's showing the early signs of being very controlling and manipulative.

 

Since I've been asked twice in the past week, I'm a 45 year old guy.

[rosephase]

Leave him, he's a controlling jerk.

[relevart]

...he's a controlling jerk.

I came back to answer the question in the subject line of whether it's jealousy or plain craziness. I was leaing toward crazy, but controlling jerk does seems to fit better.

[Clinton]

I vote jealous AND crazy.

[Hollyj]

Controlling and manipulative. This is only the beginning.

[Knot2loud]

An obvious control freak. You'd be better off to be rid of him.

[relevart]

My bf is very overprotective of me.

I just did a quick read through of two other posts about this guy -- the one about posting bikini pics on Facebook and the one about his being suspicious of basically anything you do. mandeekove, I hate these posts where folks tell the OP to leave their SO, but, really, leave this SOB! He's bad news. He's showing early classic signs of being a manipulative, control freak and sometimes there's a fine line between that and being physically abusive. It seems like the relationship is still basically new, too, and he's already showing you clear warning signs.

 

The longer ths goes on, the worse it gets and the harder it is to leave. I worry about your safety. And I worry that you call him "overprotective"which implies an innocence on is part when in reality he is, as someone else put it, a controlling jerk.

[Hollyj]

Yes. Why do you keep posting the same question? Others have advised, over and over, and yet you ignore.

 

What are you not getting?

[greta96]

What he's doing is not being overprotective, it's being controlling and emotionally abusive. If you continue to put up with it, it's only a matter of time until you won't be allowed to wear anything remotely sexy, form fitting, short, etc. Then it will be your makeup, your hair...things will get worse.

You sound like you already know what you need to do.

[mandeelove]

I just did a quick read through of two other posts about this guy -- the one about posting bikini pics on Facebook and the one about his being suspicious of basically anything you do. mandeekove, I hate these posts where folks tell the OP to leave their SO, but, really, leave this SOB! He's bad news. He's showing early classic signs of being a manipulative, control freak and sometimes there's a fine line between that and being physically abusive. It seems like the relationship is still basically new, too, and he's already showing you clear warning signs.

 

The longer ths goes on, the worse it gets and the harder it is to leave. I worry about your safety. And I worry that you call him "overprotective"which implies an innocence on is part when in reality he is, as someone else put it, a controlling jerk.

Thanks I know. Yeah it's only like 4 months and this stuff came out early . I am a great girl to this guy. Its a shame these things are even hapenning. I dont deserve it. He has 85 percent good and then this other side of him so it sucks and thats what I struggle with. Hes so good, then so bad!!! I weigh the pros and cons but I notice myself thinking alot about this lately . . Once it his passes, it will be something else.

[Hollyj]

Then why are you staying?

 

Good Lord! It has only been four months. How much advise and bad behavior do you require.

[ParisPaulette]

It's both and neither. Because those names don't really describe what this actually--giant red flags of an abusive relationship. Putting those names aside when you look at the overall behaviorand the other things you describe in your post these really are red flag behaviors of someone who has the potential to be abusive or who is abusive. Right now he's just controlling and emotionally abusive. That may be enough for him or eventually he may get physically violent with you as well. My ex once pitched a can of soup at my head after I stormed out the door wearing a pair of shorts he said were too short. I didn't wise up though until he full on hit me, I did leave then. Wish I'd left long before that though.

 

Your call whether you want to stick around and see, but if I were you I'd go look up the warning signs of being in an abusive relationship. My first relationship was with an abusive man and the jealousy was off the charts as was the criticism of the clothing. He even pitched an absolute fit over my seeing a male gynocologist, he pitched a fit over my sensie beign a man, he pitched a fit over any male that came near me actually.

 

I will of course tell you to head for the door, but I know it's not that easy to do when you're standing inside of the fire and can't see the danger. I just hope you take the time to get educated and can get out safely.

 

And at only four months in you are a bit crazy to be accepting this and not to have left at the first sign of it. He's on his best behavior right now, so yes you can only imagine how this is all downhill from here, right? This is escalating and it will continue to escalate the longer you stay.

 

Also look up the cycle of abuse, because he will use it to keep you sucked in as he pushes on your boundaries more and more to break down any and all resistance to his control.