I am lost at this poiint and trying so hard to be patient

[EJW1381]

This is a long long long long story, but I will do my best to make a short version. Anyway my gf broke up with after about 8 months because I pushed her away and wasn't meeting her needs. I was stressed with work ( which i don't get vacation only once a year the same time and it tends to build a month before) then my friends were being jerks and cycling was taking over my life and didn't see it nor was I told but i see it now. This girl has 2 kids and lives a hour away and we made the best our time together. I know what my mistake was and learned from it and already made some huge changes in my life it has been 2 months since the break up. I know my mistake in the beginning was after 2 weeks I wrote her a hand written letter telling her sorry and changes I want to make and will do and love her and the kids and would like to start fresh and show her, So she got back to me few days later to tell me how much she cares and loves me and such a wonderful person BUT can't be intimate with me and would love to be friends. I just responded with thank you for giving me the opportunity to open my heart to you and respect your decision and thank you for the kind gestures. and let it be. week goes by I call her to see how her week with with sitting the kids. No call back or anything the next day I ended up having a panic attack and reached out to her which she showed she cared. I asked her if i am OK maybe we can grab coffee tomorrow she responded she was busy with family. I said ok sounds good maybe tues night we can do trivia and no response to me now knowing back off. so I did only 1 problem her birthday was that week and been back and forth on what to do with the tickets i got her prior to us breaking up. So it came down to sending it over night UPS and which it was a basic card and the tickets saying happy birthday and got these prior to us breaking up. So she told me she just saw the packing few days later and said i got the package and was so thoughtful and amazing and would like me to go as long I can consider going as friends. So kindly I agreed and she said just had to get a baby sitter. I said ok will talk later then and figure details out. So the week before the concert she texts me to tell she can't find a sitter. So now I am bummed big time and came up with a plan and got my sisters boyfriend he offered to sit. only 1 problem her kids don't know him only she does. So i made a few suggestion about meeting up before and and all earlier the week so the kids meet adam or come down earlier and go out r something. So she was fine with the plans but didn't have the kids that week and didn't ant Adam in her parents house. ( she lives with them because of her ex gambled her money away and ruined her credit.) so she has some trust issues I get it anyway we make plans to come to my house with the kids and go swimming and all to get the kids warmed up and they were actually like mom when are you leaving. anyway we go back to the house and all get cleaned up and ready to leave now to this is abig deal that she changed in front on me with the kids in the other room. not full nude but still I and I made sure not to look since she made it very clear that we were going as FRIENDS and I have give her trust. Just girls say one thing and mean other things at times anyway we went to the concert and seem to have a really great time together some flirting and all and some very subtle touches but nothing to cross the line. We get home and get the kids into the car gives me a big hug and off she goes. She texted me when she got home and i was to be surprised she let me know she got home ok and thanked me again. but I was asleep by then. So i responded to her in the morning glad you got home safely and your are welcome. I have not reached out since nor has she I am trying my hardest not to and be patient. Not easy for someone who as OCD and major anxiety issues. And the changes in my life were more that I am no longer racing bikes ride to ride, got a new therapist, been clsoer to my parents and let go of the pain i had with them and making time for other things in life.

[camus154]

I think you're making a mistake in hoping that your friendship will eventually turn into a relationship again.

 

She's made it clear that she just wants to be friends. I would honor that accordingly.

[mhowe]

She has down graded you to friend....I don't see her changing back to partners. You cannot expect the same level of interaction. Keep up with the changes for yourself.

[EJW1381]

See I am not trying to be friends with her just that day to show her respect and trust again she has a lot of trust issues and has this wall up that I am slowly taking a brick down 1 by 1. I see things in a different perspective because if she wanted to be friends she would be a friend then and respect those boundaries of not touching me and giving me mixed signals. If she wants to be friends then don't make efforts like that to bring your kids up and all to my house and put them into that type of a situation. Nor change in front of me friends to me don't do that especially with her kids in the other room. She could have easily said NO and just give the tickets back and go with someone else. She cares deep down inside and she will come she is going to see it and miss it. She asked a lot of questions while we ere at the concert and seem to be mad but cute way about how much the tickets were and was definitely surprised and jealous about me going to a wedding next week. I am not making any attempts to contact her as much as it sucks. Ive done my part , I also know she will never find a guy like me ever. Who loved here insecruites and for who she was.

[EJW1381]

I also know I have come this far with it to give up, I have given up on way too much in life and all these regrets. I don't want to regret giving up.

[camus154]

See I am not trying to be friends with her just that day to show her respect and trust again she has a lot of trust issues and has this wall up that I am slowly taking a brick down 1 by 1.

 

Right....because you want to get back together with her.

 

I see things in a different perspective because if she wanted to be friends she would be a friend then and respect those boundaries of not touching me and giving me mixed signals. If she wants to be friends then don't make efforts like that to bring your kids up and all to my house and put them into that type of a situation. Nor change in front of me friends to me don't do that especially with her kids in the other room. She could have easily said NO and just give the tickets back and go with someone else.

 

You are being extremely, extremely manipulative here. The concert was your idea. You were the one who arranged to have her kids babysat because you wanted her to go with you. She did say no--and then you jumped through hoops so she could say yes.

 

I think you should let go of this woman and get your head straight.

[mhowe]

Dude....you manufactured the whole day with the tickets, the babysitter, the pool time. You aren't strangers...she has known you intimately. You are not taking down walls brick by brick. You are living in fantasy land.

 

Don't call or text again until,she does no see how long it takes.

[EJW1381]

I just told her about the sitter and told her I completely understand if she doesn't want to I get it. It was her idea to bring them up and do the pool not mine! So lets get that straight. Also the tickets yeah I bought them prior to us breaking up and I put them out there she could have easily sent them back or taken someone else. I did not force her to make that decision. I prayed to god and asked him ( yeah thats right ) what to do with those tickets. I am going to stick with my gut feeling and to what my therapist and I talked about. I am not reaching out to her nor texting her or calling her. Thank you

[boltnrun]

You are viewing her changing in front of you as a sign she wants to get back together?

 

That is really, really reaching.

 

Good job with starting therapy. Therapy is very beneficial.

[EJW1381]

Not a sign of getting back together a sign of trust, yes it is! Ive been through it before and then stopped and look where it got me, dumping my issues on her the closest person I loved. It is what is is now right , right.