Girlfriend lied about texts

[Smanx5]

I always come on here whenever I am clueless. Anyways a few days ago, my girlfriend and I hang out at my friend's place for our annual football party. I brought my girlfriend along because she seemed to get along with all the guys before.

 

Anyways a few hours into it, some of my friends just casually bring up my ex-gf in front of her - which is not okay. Obviously throughout the night my gf was annoyed/upset

 

Anyways so my gf was casually drinking almost 2 bottles of wine that night. On top of that she was upset about the guys bringing up my ex in front of her.

 

Towards the end of the night I see her by herself texting on her phone followed by deleting texts. I confront her about it because I could clearly see it was her ex bf.

 

 

Before I proceed with my story, I just want to say I am 100% certain my gf - after dating for 10 months now - wouldn't cheat on me. She's just a very modest girl that I know well enough that she wouldn't. (Especially compared to past relationships that my exes WOULD cheat on me)

 

Anyways, so I ask her about what she said to him, and she said, "So and so texted me and all I replied back with was "no"". As if she was turning down anything he said to her.

 

 

The next day, out of curiosity, I texted him (I memorized his number from her phone) I was polite when I asked him who initiated the texts and he immediately sent me the screenshot of texts:

 

Hi

 

What's up (the guy)

 

Are you in town?

 

Yes mam, why do you ask?

 

Jw bc I am too

 

What does that mean. We haven't talked in almost a year? Haha

 

I knoww but i miss you

 

Don't you have a bf?

 

Wait what? No I dont

Lol we broke up

A long time ago

 

Lol okay... Didnt see your snap story or anything

 

___________________

 

She was never in town either. She was with me. That guy was over 3 hours away, so Im positive she was only text him bc she was mad. She did confess that she only texted him bc she was mad about my ex being brought up

 

She didnt respond to him because at this time I called her out on the texts and she deleted her. I get how she was obviously mad that my ex was brought up that night, but I NEVER BROUGHT HER UP. MY FRIENDS DID.

 

It just pisses me off that'd she would do that. He immediately sent me that screenshot, so there was no way he made that up

 

 

Here's the kicker. She denies even remembering that she sent every single one of those texts. She said she obviously did text him, but was so drunk that she didn't remember

 

_________________________

 

 

I don't believe her for one second. There could be a chance she blacked out from drinking almost two bottles of wine, but i dont believe she doesnt remember sending a single text to him

 

People make mistakes and people own up to them. If she would confess that she was aware of all those texts and that she only did that because she was upset people were bringing up my ex, then maybe I would be more understanding

 

 

But she is not. I think she's sorry she got caught and making up a story. This is a huge red flag to me

 

 

So I am asking y'all on how should I go about this? I love her, but damn. She really messed up. I wish she would just confess the truth...

[mhowe]

She isn't going to confess....and she told him she broke up with you.

 

I find her behavior beyond acceptable. Because someone mentioned your ex, she over drinks, texts her ex and tells him you no longer exist. What part of that is a sign of respect toward you?

[lostandhurt]

She wasn't to drunk to text very well was she?

 

She is acting very immature and untrustworthy.

 

By the way you may THINK you know her so well that you are positive she would never cheat but I would bet you thought you knew her well enough that you thought she would never text her ex with you standing accross the room and tell him you had broken up.

 

I give her ex credit for asking straight out if she had a bf.

 

You think you know her but you don't. 10 months is nothing.

 

She remembers everything she did that night, she just doesn't want to admit it. It wasn't your fault your buddies had no class but it was all on her for getting her panties all bunched up over it. People have pasts and we all have to accept that.

 

You need to rethink this relationship and talk to her about honesty, respect and boundaries. If she won't be honest and confess and apologize then it is time to end it.

 

Lost

[Smanx5]

Yeah she definitely feels horrible about the whole thing

 

She said she is disgusted with herself that she got that drunk and let him get "that satisfaction". She has told me countless time that she hates him.

 

However, they havent talked in over a year, which leads me to believe for sure that she only did this in spite of me.

 

But yeah, so I guess I don't know what to do. I just wish she'd admit it

[reinventmyself]

If she can in fact drink 2 bottles of wine (really?) and use such poor judgment then she can't be trusted. Period.

[Smanx5]

Very true, she wasn't too drunk if she could text decent. I mean... she will definitely counter that with "autocorrect" lol

[mhowe]

Yeah she definitely feels horrible about the whole thing

 

She said she is disgusted with herself that she got that drunk and let him get "that satisfaction". She has told me countless time that she hates him.

 

However, they havent talked in over a year, which leads me to believe for sure that she only did this in spite of me.

 

But yeah, so I guess I don't know what to do. I just wish she'd admit it

 

She feels horrible she got caught.

She feels horrible that he caught her out and passed the texts to you.

She feels horrible she looks like a fool.

 

However....she still had his number even though she hates him?

My bet is he dumped her. For being untrustworthy.

[Smanx5]

I guess it's the fact that I trust her that she would never actually cheat on me. But I know for certain she would text other guys just to feel that appreciation from them.

 

 

When she is sober, there are no problems. I dont doubt shed do anything like that sober

[lostandhurt]

She has a choice.

 

 

If you cannot be with someone that you don't trust then tell her that. Let her know that everyone makes mistakes but if they don't try and make them right by admitting them and working so they don't happen again the trust will continue to fade until it is completely gone.

 

The ball is in her court now. That is unless you are willing to ignore your gut feeling and let this go.

 

Lost

[Smanx5]

She feels horrible she got caught.

She feels horrible that he caught her out and passed the texts to you.

She feels horrible she looks like a fool.

 

However....she still had his number even though she hates him?

My bet is he dumped her. For being untrustworthy.

 

Actually they never really exactly dated. He was very much into her. He wanted an actual relationship and she didnt wanna date him

[reinventmyself]

Actually they never really exactly dated. He was very much into her. He wanted an actual relationship and she didnt wanna date him

 

doesn't matter or does it?

[HeartGoesOn]

Before I proceed with my story, I just want to say I am 100% certain my gf - after dating for 10 months now - wouldn't cheat on me. She's just a very modest girl that I know well enough that she wouldn't. (Especially compared to past relationships that my exes WOULD cheat on me)

 

Don't be so sure of that. Cheating and lying have the tendency to go hand in hand, (not saying she is cheating) but lying to you about texting an ex speaks for itself.

 

Keep in mind that the "drunk excuse" is classic. Either way, I wish you well.

[Smanx5]

I know everyone is saying don't be so sure she wouldn't cheat on me. I guess I shouldn't be so naive, but for some reason I just know the worse she would ever do is text someone else in a flirtatious way

[needhelp6]

I know everyone is saying don't be so sure she wouldn't cheat on me. I guess I shouldn't be so naive, but for some reason I just know the worse she would ever do is text someone else in a flirtatious way

You forgot and lie about it.

 

How do you think affairs start, straight into the bedroom? They start with causal flirting and/or alcohol.

 

She lied about breaking up with you, aren't you concerned about that?

[Smanx5]

You forgot and lie about it.

 

How do you think affairs start, straight into the bedroom? They start with causal flirting and/or alcohol.

 

She lied about breaking up with you, aren't you concerned about that?

 

Yes I am. There needs to be a natural consequence to this and idk what

[bulletproof]

Anyways a few hours into it, some of my friends just casually bring up my ex-gf in front of her - which is not okay.

 

Seriously, are people supposed to curtail their conversations because your gf is ridiculous?

This all sounds so juvenile. So what if your ex was brought up? And if she's drinking two bottles of wine on her own, then using it as an excuse for bad behavior, then maybe she shouldn't be drinking at all.

 

To top it all off, you actually texted a guy asking what they were texting about. If the relationship is at a point in which you feel that type of thing is necessary, then it's time to go.

[LC8328]

I really don't mean to be rude to you, but you are seriously deluding yourself if you think that 1) all she wanted to do was send him firtatious texts (BTW...saying 'I miss you' and 'my BF is no longer here' is a LOT more than just 'flirtatious'); and 2) you are 100% certain she would never cheat on you. This is a ridiculous statement. Especially considering what happened, and especially considering that you only know this because you went to seek the truth on your own. (Not to mention that you've been together for 10 months. I know people who were married for over 25 years and they still kept secrets from each other. 10 months is a drop in the hat.)

 

Sorry, but you're making excuse after excuse for her. I realize that you love her and probably wish that hasn't happened, but sticking your head in the sand is only going to delay the inevitable. Where's your self-respect?

 

What's next? You catch her IN the act in your own bed but you just tell yourself, "Well, she was drunk and quite unhappy that night, so I understand. She wouldn't do this under normal circumstances and I doubt anything really happened." I don't mean to make fun of you or make light of your situation, but it honestly irks me when someone allows their partners to mistreat them, and that's exactly what's happening here.

 

Do you really want to attend the next party and hope and pray that no one mentions a girl you dated/liked/etc? That's a ridiculous way to live. As someone else pointed out, it was all out of your control, so why should you be punished for that? It's not like you were being a jerk and talked about women's body parts or about having sex with them, etc. She 'secretly' punished you because someone else mentioned a girl? Really? Guy, your GF is immature and not ready for a respectful, mature, nurturing relationship. AT ALL.

 

I'm really sorry you went through this. I hope it turns out the way you'd like.

 

P.S. In regards to the 'drunk' excuse, please remember that drinking alcohol doesn't magically turn your GF into a cheater, or potential cheater, or whatever you want to call it. It's still part of who she is, and that's a cause for concern IMO. But in the end, as always, it's your choice.

[lostandhurt]

From your writing I and all of us can see you will forgive her and let her off the hook. That is your choice of course and we all have been there one time or another. People do dumb things and make mistakes but if we don't own up to them we more than likely will repeat them.

 

Just keep your eyes wide open and watch and listen. You cannot police her and your friends and if she is so easily upset there will be a time in the near future where you will be back on here asking how to fix this or that with her. There comes a time in some relationships where the drama and crap makes it hard to stay with them. Hopefully we are all wrong and this was a anomaly.

 

Best wishes

Lost