sparrow1 Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Hello everyone, I have been seeing this guy for a couple of months. Our "relationship" was pretty much casual and we didn't do much outside of hanging out at his house, watching movies or going out to eat once in a while. Recently, we had spent a full day out together and it was very nice. He asked me to take a picture of him because he saw something that he really liked and someone passing by offered to take a picture of both of us. I noticed that he seemed a little amused but agreed to take the picture together. Later on, when we were talking about our outing, that incident came up in the conversation and he said "I guess they thought we are a couple" and somehow that turned into a "what are we" conversation. From the things he was saying, it sounded like he was not ready to consider a relationship any time soon and he even said something along the lines of "I was not expecting to have this conversation until maybe January". I saw this as my cue to leave this before I got hurt as I felt he was only trying to keep me around long enough for him to have his fun, so I let him know that even though I have feelings for him, I can't see him any longer because we are in two different places at the moment. We did not see each other for about a month or so, but he did text me a couple of times to see how I was doing and on two occasions he made comments as to how "everything was getting interesting and going so well" and how "it was all me who made this decision not to see each other" and how "I never know, things change and maybe we would have stayed together." I disregarded all of this until he texted me saying how much he missed me and wanted to see me. I accepted, fully knowing it was not the best decision. I was pleasantly surprised. It seems like he took all the comments I had previously made into consideration. He took me to a beautiful place, early afternoon, we didn't even go to his house at all. He held my hand as we were sitting looking at the view and kissed it. We were playing around about how my haircut made me look a little older and he said "I'm dating a cougar" (don't worry, I'm 4 years younger and I look very young, so that joke didn't bother me). I pretended not to hear what he said and asked him to repeat what he said. To this, he answered "oh, nothing...I was joking saying that you're a cougar". I found it amusing that he excluded the "dating" part. I later texted him saying I got home safely and he said he was glad I got home safely and to have a "good night, lovely lady". It is unusual for him to wait up for me to get home or even call me pet names. I don't know what to make of this. In all honesty...I have not texted him back since we went out that day. I am so scared that this is all a way to get us back into a casual relationship. Do you think this could be him potentially realizing I am girlfriend material or this is just a technique to go back to the way we were? Should I simply keep walking and not look back? I mean, what are the chances of something that started as "casual" turning into something more? I know, I know, I screwed up by going to see him...but I'd still like to hear others' opinions on this issue. Thank you for your time. Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 He was checking to see if you were still available. Did you have sex on your last meeting? Link to comment
sparrow1 Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 He was checking to see if you were still available. Did you have sex on your last meeting? No, we did not. We were out from the afternoon until the evening and he said he had another place he wants to show me the next time we go out. Link to comment
FreedomRing Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Unless he actually SAYS he would like to be in a relationship with you..don't read into him and his sweet gestures... Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Just play it by ear. If he asks you out again just accept. You can be in control of this and keep in mind that the one that cares the least holds the most power. Don't have sex with him unless he is willing to be exclusive with you and see where it goes. I think you did a very love-of-self thing by not continuing on with him when he was "not ready to be in a relationship" or be exclusive with you while he figured it out. You don't want to settle for someone who doesn't want what you want. All you have to do now is realize that if he doesn't want you and just you, then you sure as sugar don't want him either. Good on you. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Hmm, well I think it's too early to tell what he wants. It may just be a ploy to get you back in bed since he can't find anyone else who ticks the list off physically the way you can or it may be he's thinking he might've been too hasty in telling you "nothing serious." Tell you what, if he is interested in more I think you just need to tell him, "Sex is off the table since I'm looking for something serious with you or whoever else comes long that can offer that." And yes, you still date other people and don't necessarily hide it. Don't rub it in his face, but if you have to go since your'e seeing someone else state that. And let him properly date you. If he's willing to continue to date you, not bed you, then asks very shortly for something more serious I'd say it's all good. And if he tries to ask you to come to his place next time you'd be really smart to say something along the lines of, "No. Remember that doesn't work for me, not interested in just friends with benefits any more." See what he says and does. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Just play it by ear. If he asks you out again just accept. You can be in control of this and keep in mind that the one that cares the least holds the most power. Don't have sex with him unless he is willing to be exclusive with you and see where it goes. I think you did a very love-of-self thing by not continuing on with him when he was "not ready to be in a relationship" or be exclusive with you while he figured it out. You don't want to settle for someone who doesn't want what you want. All you have to do now is realize that if he doesn't want you and just you, then you sure as sugar don't want him either. Good on you. I agree with this ^^ There isn't anything for you to do at this time but carry on. I wish we had crystal balls for moments like these but time will tell what's in store for the two of you. Continue holding your own, manage your expectations, move forward and be open to what may happen. Also be prepared it to not work out as well and just know what ever happens you can handle it because you haven't put yourself in a vulnerable position. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Just my opinion but I'd not play my hand by actually telling him that sex is off the table until certain expectations of yours are met. Sex isn't a bartering tool but it often is used as one. Just don't allow it to happen until you feel safe that he has good intentions and can be trusted with your heart. JMO. Link to comment
relevart Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Maybe I'm missing some of the backstory, but you seem to not be able to ask him where you two stand and even seem to want to get out of the situation when that conversation may naturally happen. That doesn't seem very healthy. Knowing where you stand is always better than not knowing, to me anyway. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 He wants dates and company, but not a g/friend. He wants to do what he pleases without the confinement of a relationship. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I had to come back and add that I too have wondered the same thing. Someone who I state my values to and we part ways because we are at different places wanting different things, returns. We now wonder if they've returned because they've given it some thought and now want the same. It's 50/50. Often they return to see if you have loosened your resolve. So you see, it goes both ways. Only time will tell. Link to comment
lolabelle Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 It sounds like your the one backing off, you broke it off and you're not texting back. Why don't you just straight up ask him? Save the second guessing. If part of you if considering not bothering anyway then just ask him, then you know. You're both just a bit wary by the sounds of it but he wouldn't be texting if he wasn't bothered. I'd just see how it goes. Things of course work out after being casual. Go for it what's the worst that could happen Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.